Spring Party

Abby's school had their Spring Party today - I almost forgot about the party and had Abby dropped off at school at the wrong time. Whoops.

Anyway, the kids took their pre-decorated bags out to find eggs. The Easter Bunny (Actually one of the kid's dad's) visited. Then Abby took off to play and play and play - running, singing, dancing, playing family...

Jack took me and my mom on the rounds around the school.

Jack was FASCINATED with the Easter Bunny.



That's the word for it. Finally while I was off fetching water, Jack actually cornered the Easter Bunny alone and started talking to him... or jabbering at him. I caught the tail end of this and was unable to get the camera in position in time. It was pretty hilarious even without photo documentation.

SO... that was all. Jack has discovered playgrounds recently and loves the swing and the slide though he thinks he is above getting up and climbing all the way back to the start of the slide when his handlers can obviously just lift him straight back up to the top.

Danger is his Middle Name...

He don't follow no stinkin' playground rules.

Not to be Outdone

Okay. So... I don't know... a year ago(?) Abby started prefacing her pretend play by telling us "Pretend I'm a dog named Trixie"... or some such thing. Then, fairly quickly after that it became, "Pretend I can change into anything and right now I'm a dog named Trixie"... it went on to include clarifications like:

Pretend I Can change into anything and right now I'm a dog/horse named Trixie...

"who likes goldfish and pizza and quesadillas"
which eventually got shortened to
"who likes everything I normally like"
and... after some frustrations from the parents
"who is good and listens and doesn't jump"
and, just because she's a sentimental kind of gal
"who likes Mommy and Jack"

It's been a half funny half roll-my-eyes type thing because I have to be polite you know and listen and it's just a bit on the long-winded side... It's just in in the last week that she's accepted other names besides Trixie but then of course that just added to the schpeel... which couldn't possible get any longer, right?

But then yesterday...



this is abbreviated, believe it or not. Originally she told me "Pretend I'm a wiggle, but I'm a girl, I'm Anthony's sister and..."

Jack loves Peekaboo (lower your volume)

OH my voice is WAY too loud and too close to the mic - but Jack is cute.




Course, I'm not totally sure how to translate his version of "peek a boo"... it's kind of like saying "Ta da" with the tone of voice of "I gotcha"

And... so went the entire afternoon.

Going to have to chop it off...

Mommmmm my finger hurts!!
What happened, did you bang it against something?
Nothing! Nothing happened to it, I think my body just made it hurt.
Awwh, well, sleep will make it better.
Oh Mom, I didn't want this pinky to hurt. It was my favorite finger on my hands because it was so little and cute.

Prayers...

Prayers are an incredile insight into your child's heart and mind.

Today Abby prayed for dinner:

Thank you for this wonderful world you made for us
Thank you for all the wonderful people
and the wonderful food
and the wonderful stuff
and for the superheros who save us when we're in trouble...


awhhh shucks... go ahead, shed a tear for the superheros...

Salon Steve

Well, that was the funniest ten minutes all week.

Steve was going to shave his beard and since Jack was looking a bit on the hippy side, he decided to shave Jack's head too - not like SHAVED but you know - trim. Jack looking side to side erratically as he played the kazoo and Steve tried to trim his hair in a straight line... and Jack found the process ticklish...pretty dang funny.

I'll have visuals... someday...

But Most of All

You would never forgive me if you knew how many incredibly sweet or hilarious or brilliant things Abby said on any given day that I didn't report... or often don't even remember past the hour.

She just came upstairs dragging two dolls in matching Gramma made dresses and a bag full of books that she wrote and illustrated and put together herself. I asked her how she was. She lamented that there had been a two tv show limit and that Daddy was watching his show now...

"But most of all, my eyes are leaking tears"



Then she asked if she could read me her book:
Mr. O had some o's for breakfast, they weren't O's but they were meant to dance.
(pause as the story changes)
This is an O, and he had some friends, but they never danced.
one, two three, there was two guys in a black shirt
one two three four five six seven eight nine ten, that's the end.


A couple weeks ago Jack was cranky and tired and finally quieted down with a bottle. Abby stroked his arm sadly and told me, "Poor baby guy, he'll never be the same..."


Miss Milly (the two year old's teacher) at Abby's school told me that she had been amongst a group of two year olds when Miss Milly had to explain that one of the fish in the fishtank had died. Abby put an arm on one of the youngsters and bowed her head, "We did all we could do." Miss Milly hears a lot of cute things and probably would not have reported this to me if she hadn't then heard the intent two year olds present solemnly repeating this phrase to other students all around the school.

Back in Hawaii, there are certain things that even when you have the coolest in-laws in the world, that are more difficult when traveling with one's kids AND this said whole family than just your own. There are just certain things that normally we wouldn't care if Abby did that needed more regulation out of consideration of others. There was one thing in particular that Abby just kept doing and I knew it was driving her crazy to have me stop her each and every time and I didn't really blame her, it was obvious that she wasn't intending this, and it was also obviously really hard for her to remember not to do. So finally I think she told me she didn't like it when I said "x" and I looked at her a second... then said, okay, but I can't just let you do that - so how about we have a secret signal, and when you see me touch my nose that means you forgot not to do this and you'll remember because of the secret signal. She readily accepted and we turned something that was on a collision course of frustration and fighting into an inside partnership.

BUT don't think I'm gloating. My girl, you see if very very smart. It worked once right? So, it just stands to reason she should take advantage of such a success and see if it worked in other areas of her life.

Two weeks ago Steve had a ton of obligations - to the point that he was absent for bedtime 5 nights out of 7. He made up for this with the kids and with me plenty throughout the week by being home for chunks of time in the middle of the day or whatever. All the same it is definitely more frustrating putting the kids to sleep without him here than it is when he is here. SO on this particular week I was already up to "here" with Abby's "Can I just tell you one more thing?" routine at bedtime.

SO, knowing I was up to "here" and it wasn't Abby's fault I was already up to "here" I took a very deep breath and sat down on Abby's bed while I read a little from my book and she read a little from her book. Sure enough she said "Can I just tell you one more thing?" And I, as always, said, "JUST ONE." And she kind of squinted her eyes and rubbed her hands against her face and she said, "There are TWO things I don't like that you say. "JUST ONE" and "LAY DOWN." (said in a stern voice, I don't yell at her)

I, too, am pretty smart, and I too recognized the success we'd had in Hawaii might indeed be repeated here at home. So, I readily ask, "Okay, then what do you think I should say when it's time to go to sleep and you still want to talk?"

Abby put her finger under her chin and replied solemnly, and thoughfully, "I think you should say, okay, I'll cuddle with you all night in your bed."

Hmm. Somehow, this wasn't working quite as well as it had.

I said, "Ummm, well, I would love to be able to say that, but this is your bed and I have my bed and I can't stay in your bed all night and you can't stay in mine. Maybe you'd be okay if I just said it nicer and gentler."

And she agreed, "Yes, okay, you could say 'would it be okay if you lied down now?'"

Ha. Good try. Anyone who's heart just bled and nodded at her suggestion, you're a softy and you will eventually fall at the hands of Empress Abby.

I said, "I promise to let you know that you can only say one more thing nicer. But I still might have to tell you to 'lay down' now and then."

Today she started taking off her clothes. I asked her why. She said, "I'm getting my nightgown back on because pretend it's my relaxation suit and my other dresses are in my room."

Shelfari

If you hadn't noticed - I put a couple bookshelfs up toward the bottom right of the blog here so you can see what I'm reading since Sarah and Maggers asked.

Your Hand at the Level of Your Eyes...

Any Phantom of the Opera fans out there?

Well, in a truth is stranger than fiction sort of moment, I find myself repeating this line from Phantom of the Opera in the early morning hours to Steve.

This is because Jack has a "I'm going to suddenly throw my skull towards your skull" problem.

It's not a tantrum, he just... sort of leads with his skull, so, for example, if he suddenly wants to change positions to go looking for that remote or to find a more comfy spot to lay he throws his head like a cute little shotput and then wriggles his body around to follow.

Believe it or not, even with 15 months experience with this behavior he still gets us even when we're fully conscience, but when I've taken Jack into bed for his 6am bottle so we can try for that last ten minutes of sleep, it's a lethal combination.

I'm really concerned he's going to break one of our noses... well, I'm afraid he's going to break Steve's nose - Jack's not getting near my nose because I sleep with one arm flung over my face and the other arm crossing it - my palm outstretched waiting to absorb the initial impact and deflect the projectile. Steve seems to think Jack should just stop this behavior. Yeah, well, I'm going to think that AND keep my skull intact.

Other Worlds

For whatever reason, during the early part of my pregnancies I escape into the worlds of my books - both old and new. It's a bit about just trying to keep my mind of how miserable I feel (no regrets about babies past present and future, I just don't like being miserable). It's a bit of just following the isolation I already surround myself with because of the pregnancy (it's as if my mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time, and when I'm pregnant... it's that) further - retreating not just from things outside of home but even in retreating within home. It's a bit about the comfort I have in retreating and the pleasure that I do still have the ability to be carried away by a story (when I'm not pregnant I have to be at a calm place in my life - i.e. babies have to be toddlers at least- in order to have the presence of brain to fully immerse myself into another world).

Anyway, point being, I've been reading a lot. Two books a day sometimes (that usually means I've missed a lot of details)... I should say I've been going THROUGH two books a day... but actually - I dunno - my mom has outdone herself picking library winners and I really have been actually READING the books. What a concept.

What I have found while reading my old books more carefully is that there are a lot of details I missed not just because I was skimming in my mind. I missed just a lot of subtleties just because I didn't pick up on them.

AND the most interesting was when we borrowed the newest book of a series I started in 6th or 7th grade?? Did my mom really let me read these at that age? I don't know exactly when - it was early. And no they aren't explicit in any way shape or form, but it's fascinating how clear I remember the first read of my favorites. Anyway, time hasn't passed for the characters and what I noticed was that I was still missing subtleties when reading this totally new book - and I think it's because my mind automatically saw the characters, READ the characters as I understood them way back then.

Just thought it was interesting.

Best Revenge...

Okay - this may not be a totally appropriate post... and, considering the lack of brain synapses firing in my poor excuse for a brain, I have probably talked about it already. All the same, I have to say what unholy satisfaction it gives me that Steve has now become the preferred, go - to, can't live without being held by, parent in our household.

Sure, when Abby is sick or Jack falls over the shoes he insists on moving all around the living room floor for the fifth time, it's Mommy they still want.

But in general, Jack mostly, desperately wants DAD. He wants to be held by Dad, wrestled with by Dad, eat whatever Dad is eating, play whatever Dad is playing (i.e. x-box and the computer). Jack does not want Steve to leave the room, whether it be to pee or go to work or shower. Jack thoroughly enjoys being with Steve and Steve thoroughly enjoys being with Jack... however... he is a little more used to not being QUITE so wanted.

And though I certainly try to distract Jack- give Steve some peace while he's eating like Steve once did for me with Abby, it still makes me laugh when the expression crosses Steve's face - the one I know so well because it was often trotting across mine - the "look, kid, I'm really glad you love me cuz I love you too but come ON give me a minute to put my socks on in peace."

Is Gambling Illegal?

Okay here's the bet

What gender will the three babies be - in what order will they be born (hint, if Sarah's isn't first she's going to be a very very very cranky 14 month pregnant woman).

Megan's in for making Adrea cupcakes:
Sarah: Girl
Adrea: Boy
Megan: Boy (to be fair she may not have meant in that birth order, she'll let us know in comments)

Adrea's in for making everyone else cookies:
Sarah: Girl
Megan: Boy
Adrea: Boy
(Even though I'll still lose the bet, I would like it on record that there is a good large piece of me that says Sarah is also having a boy but just a glimpse of her today made me switch my vote to girl)

Sarah's in for making us all cupcakes either way because we'll still be pregnant LONG after she delivers and has lost all her pregnancy weight and has opened up a Pasadena fit mother's league and challenged the state in most miles run by any person over the age of 20.

Trifecta

So... now that everyone's all in the open... for those of you counting... that is THREE, count them, THREE pregnant women in our little family nation. THREE babies before Christmas. This doubles David and Marysue's grandchildren count in the span of four months.

Make Me Enough

If any of you pay attention to patterns you may have figured out why I'm AWOL.

We are very tickled to be pregnant again...

Tickled and... freaked out.

This was unplanned. To say it is Steve's fault hardly seems fair and yet... Just kidding. Truly, ever since falling in love with Jack with as much fervor as we fell in love with Abby there has been a little tiny... little... question mark, like, awh, shucks, it's too bad Adrea doesn't enjoy much about pregnancy. It's too bad she is just starting to breathe easier with two kids it would simply be irresponsible to add a third as Adrea is really really not sure how she'd cope...

Anyway, there's been some wavering shall we say on making it official that we were really truly totally done with two. But then again, Steve's been busy.

And our birth control though not 99.9% like the pill has worked just fine for 8 years...

I think a "whoops" pregnancy is one of those things that women secretly think would be fun. I know I did. So, by no means am I unhappy or sad or anything like that.

The discovery of the whoops will likely be one of my most treasured memories actually. We were in Hawaii and I was waiting and waiting for my monthly thing to get going and just figured, seriously, just figured it was the travel that had me off. I felt silly and naive for wanting to take a test since obviously I was going to be proven not pregnant at any moment. Sure, I'd been near fainting dizzy in the car after the plane ride then a long drive to the condo - but I never have been a very good flier.

Then I was looking in the mirror thinking, gosh, I'm going to have to get started on that exercise, I look like my pregnant self. I'm thicker, wider, not awful, just... not quite myself. Of course I didn't connect the two things until Sarah good-naturedly told me not to worry about the family picture we'd just taken, I didn't look nearly that busty in person (she knows as most of you do, I'm not into being busty). I hadn't thought I'd looked particularly busty but I stared at her for a second... then I found Steve and suggested he go somewhere alone and buy a test.

Easier said than done when you are traveling with the family the size of a small nation.

Still, I wasn't that anxious about it because... it would just be too ridiculous. And... ha ha... the whole idea of a whoops, was just a fairytale... I .. I... I.... okay I started to get a little anxious that Steve go make up SOME excuse and get himself to a pharmacy.

He finally did late one night. I immediately took the test while Steve stood in the hallway frustrated about the labeling of pregnancy tests (one said 100% and one said 90%, what the hell kind of person is going to pick the LESS reliable one?). The thing beeped (of course Steve got a digital one). I looked down at the little stick on the floor. And... just shook my head and laughed. Steve, poor Steve, didn't know how to interpret that and he smiled too, "So we're- er- what -does it-"

I hugged him and I think both of us went off to la la land trying to think and plan and figure out what this meant for us. It must be said, happy though I was, I think Steve was really really pleased. Not sure how much either of us slept that night. I alternated between a goofy grin and a look of abject terror... I was fairly certain my mother would never speak to me again (she is not a big fan of "pregnant Adrea"), but I knew that not even my pregnancy crankiness would induce her to move again, so there I had her trapped.

She swore alot good naturedly as only my mother can, when I told her. But we both decided to batten down the hatches and weather the storm for another little wriggly baby.

Weathering the storm isn't particularly fun or easy for me when I'm in my first trimester of pregnancy, something I was quite certain I wouldn't have to weather again. Especially since I felt totally normal up til about week 5.5 (I found at at week 5) ... so I was thinking maybe... just maybe... I won't be so sick this time... maybe it was all in my mind.

Yeah its just as bad, it might be worse.

But, as I look at my kids I think how I would do anything in the whole world to keep from losing them from anything, anyone, anyhow - I figure I'll think of this as saving the baby that I'm going to be loving just as much as those other two rascals... and that gives me peace... it doesn't help too much, but whatever. Let's just say Jen G was a much better nauseous person than I am...

I'm working on getting through the sickness, and then, I'm afraid, I may become wholly conscious of just how not enough I feel I am to take care of the house, myself and three kids. Come on, you all know it's a stretch. I'll figure it out, but that's my prayer... OH Lord, God, PLEASE make me enough. And of course I already know He will, and as the transition stings, I'll have my parents and Steve's family and Aaron's late night ER calls to bridge the gaps.

This May Be...

The longest duration in one time my children have gone without being photo-documented.

I'll have to fix that.











I know... I'm dead boring...


What can I say?

My Babies

Abby and Jack.

I've been looking through the pictures of Hawaii (yes even the ones I thought I'd lost - there are SOME disadvantages to using an 8gb memory card - like for instance when you set it up to download to your computer and the computer times out or is too low on memory to complete the process but doesn't bother to mention it to you and you are just so incredibly lucky and grateful that you didn't delete originals or clear the card like you intended to five times in the last week) and I've been thinking of my kids. So fewer pictures of Jack... not sure why - well, he won't stay still for one and when he's at not staying still he's probably also precariously up to something I need both hands to help intercept. They are so different and properly in love with each other as brother and sister should be ;).

But they're approach to life, their characters are so clear when I see the pictures on the beach.

Abby is uninhibited, flirting along the shore, unafraid of the water, but perfectly content to dance around the edges of the waves or to sit, letting the water come to her, even if it engulfs her a little, she's amused at it's changing mood.



Jack is just as uninhibited as his sister, but there's no dancing or messing around with the edges of the surf, and he's certainly not waiting for anything to come to him. He takes a good look at that ocean thing, laughs a little, then... He plunges straight in. Ominous clouds above, what does he care for that? Sand shelf that drops off - he doesn't care, can't you just get off him for one minute so he can really get in there and see what it's all about? Uncle Aaron... I'm thinking stitches aren't too far from his future. Just, you know, he's gonna want to be involved...



Neither of them could care less if I'm there, though if there is another less "mom" person present, Abby will immediately break out of her solitary world of dance and song and socialize, play, anything! Where as Jack really doesn't care who is there, he just wants to go where he wants to go.

Missing Pictures

oooOOOoo I'm annoyed. I'm missing pictures from my trip. I have an idea where the bulk of them are - I went around shooting with Sarah's camera by accident instead of mine.

But now I'm missing my rainbow shots... very frustrating...

Hawaii 2009 - Where to begin?

I can't decide if I love or hate this picture as my smile is weird. That was our date night. We went to Longhi's and ate a LOT. It was very nice. Abby, shockingly enough, didn't miss us at all, Jack was not pleased because prego Sarah dared to NOT hold his hefty self the ENTIRE time he slept. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I think this was Friday night, our usual date night!


DAY ONE:


On the plane ride there, at first Abby was ok, she was having a nice time reading the magazines provided, listening to the movie. Then we got her a Coke. She was super giddy -not hyper, just psychotically giddy. She kept putting just a smidge of Coke in her glass at a time "so it will last longer." Then she switched seats to be next to Samantha and they sat together lip syncing to the movie Dreamgirls...
Jack fell asleep as soon as the motors turned on. He didn't sleep a ton - 2 out of the 5 hours, but was mostly perfectly happy and content, if a little restless.

It was just such a relief that the plane ride was over, Marysue and David met us at baggage claim and all the tons of carryon stuff everyone had was conveniently taken away to the cars while we waited for the big bags. Nothing was lost and we all headed to McDonald's for a quick snack before buying two tons worth of food for the week at Costco and off into the traffic to our condos.

We saw Whales just swimming along in the ocean along the side of the road on our way there. I felt jet lagged already and the power was out at the condo (the non-Costco group had gone on ahead).

There was something disconcerting about not having power when we got there simply becuase we wanted to settle and there wasn't quite enough light to do that...or there was plenty but - I think I have this weird sight thing since without my contacts I'm blind, I get very uncomfortable when I can't see clearly. It's like I want to go wash my contacts out and try again, it irritates me.

BUT we had a lovely dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise (I had a guac cheeseburger) and I had some time with Jack when he was done. He ate some of a pickle, some of a lemon, some fries, and the cherry from my drink.

And by the time we were back to the condo the lights were blessedly back on, the kids were basically asleep already and all that needed to be done from there was open the doors so we could hear the surf while we slept. We got the cool room - I had wanted the room across from the kids anyway since Abby still has some nighttime issues, but didn't know that would be the cool room. We were going to switch with Sarah & Tim midway but it just never happened - it would have been difficult at that point anyway to make sure the kids understood etc anyway. SO apologies for that Sarah & Tim, we appreciated the room very much.

2 Photos

My other favorite thing was that Jack loved the beach... but specifically he would plunge straight into the water - and deeper into the surf because (as near as I can tell) as soon as he'd set his balance and reach down he'd only get a couple splashes in before the waves would carry the water back from him. So he would walk in two steps, splash, say "ARRRH!" in frustration, walk in further, try to splash, say "ArrH!" reach for the water as it retreated... repeat... repeat... repeat.

I do not have 200 hundred pictures of this however because it is quite a job to wrestle Jack back from the waves while also protecting my camera.... well it's a job even without the camera - seriously - he wanted to go straight out and did NOT appreciate being deterred by an obviously un-understanding WOMAN with no splash-vision.

200 Photos...

I currently have at the very least 200 photos of Abby on the beach outside our condo.  Why? No, not just because I am a sucker for pictures, my daughter, and the beach.  Because when I have taken her (everyday we've been here) she retreats (hardly the right word... blossoms into?) her own world as soon as we get there and she sings Momma Mia songs NON-STOP, singing, posing, splashing, loving life.

It's been one of my absolute favorite things so far.

By the way, she told me yesterday that if she was me, she would have married someone who lived in Hawaii so that we could live in Hawaii.

One...

So I've Already Run into A Problem

I've taken a hundred or so pictures (nice ones, not snapshots) all of the same scenario (Abby's first romp in the water at our condo (which is beach front in case you were wondering). And I can't bear to delete any of the good ones.

In other news... Thank you God for the absolutely fabulous plane ride. I had a HUGE headache, but the kids were practically perfect in every way.

Abby Spends the Night at Aunt Megan's

*Bryan I'm sure was wonderful as well, but Abby didn't mention him much ;)

You can read all about it here.

Must Update Before I Fall...

Too far behind - must do massive post:

well first off "check" on the: embarrassing naked picture for Jack's yearbook (toddler version)



Abby loves the new clothes Zoozy bought for her - and accessorized all on her own
She is such a little lady
Jack loves to crawl into the shower with me. Unlike Abby he doesn't mind the stream of water falling overhead or its warm temperature:
Abby with her Orange Sale Campaign Manager

The two thresholds to the kitchen have been just gaps showing old wood and spider paths. Now both of them are nicely filled in
The ceiling fan is actually both attached properly AND there is no gaping hole in which to check the installation.
The downstairs bathroom has been awaiting the move of the light and the light switch since we put in our vanity four years ago and realized you couldn't open the door with the light centered where it was above the vanity.


Of all the little things we've hired Manuel to finish up for us - this was by far my favorite - the empty hole with wires hanging down has been mocking me for years.
The vent had the venty thingee exposed which never really bothered me, but bothered everyone else - so that's covered
When they took out the mold and the WALLS with it, the outside garage type air was flowing seamlessly into the inside laundry room which made everything colder and difficult - so that is shut up.
Shannon and I have had almost regular playdates for Mommy's only. Even though we have wonderful awesome spouses and children, sanity does often teeter, so these times away are essential. They do seem to center around food and dessert that I like, but hey, she humors me.

Rainbow Cake

From Sarah:

http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/meal-time/rainbow-cakeslinks-n-slingks-surreptitious-web-links-to-other-good-sites--074369

(NO one show Abby this unless you're ready to do it for her!)

Storm Brewing

The COOLEST thing just happened.

I was sitting on my living room floor sorting laundry and I saw a big electric flash through the window - Confused, I waited a few seconds for the boom of thunder and sure enough - CRACK.

I waited some more and sure enough the first soft splatters of raindrops against the window... then some more serious rain... then the pitter patter of hail...

Then... the house is accosted by ping pong balls of hail (not nearly that big, but that's how it sounded in this old house).

Amazing. I grabbed the camera with my super cool flash and started taking pictures from the shelter of our front porch area... If I was really really cool I would have gone out in the street to get the cool shot of the whole street covered in layers of hail, but I was afraid for the safety of my camera... and my face as I tried to walk down slippery stairs to the street. GAH... I'm so annoyed I didn't do it - but I really think it would have been a bad idea.

Update: Okay I went back out there now that its not actively hailing/raining. And... yeah - I'm not equipped, even with my handy dandy flash for a night shoot with crazy reflecting hail on the ground.

Oh well. At least I went out there and did it. My feet and toes hurt... it was VERY cold standing in the little ice pellets. Shocker, huh? But I thought all my shoes were downstairs and it's raining which will certainly flush all the hail away - I had to be quick, don't you see? Ahhhh. The warmth is returning to my toes... nice...

Update #2: I just couldn't leave it there. I went back out with the lessons learned two minutes ago under my belt. I'm happy now.

You can see the results on brightwatersphotography.blogspot.com in the next couple days

Dear Future Self

You put the rug info in the little purse in the closet.

You DID pack Jack's swimsuit and socks and sweatshirt - just in your suitcase.

...



Everyone loves you


;)

Jealous Hag

Now I've got your attention.

Why do I get sad when I look at other photographer's work? If I don't like their work, it annoys me, but more often, I do like their work and I want it ... I want to do that... I want to, I want to, I want to.

But not now.

But YES now.

The stumbling blocks for me right now range greatly from internal struggles to simple circumstance.

I think I've mentioned this before, so it should come as no great shock to you that as a kid - my goals, my vision for my life had virtually nothing to do with a vocation. I wanted love - family, husband, kids, house... I knew that I couldn't exactly go after those things in the same way one might a career, knew that the love/husband/kids part in particular was going to have to be flexible since I didn't just want to BE a wife - I wanted the sort of love story I read about - which, if any of you know the sort of books I read - you should know has a lot more to do with humor and connection than fancy romance. SO obviously I didn't go around advertising all this, and I did want to "do" something that I enjoyed or was good at or whatever... so it's not like I was on the prowl for husband material... but I certainly wasn't wasting time with anyone that didn't fit the bill... not for long anyway.

I wasn't planning on wasting away if I didn't find these things - oh you get the picture, I don't need to be defensive about it, right? I wasn't crazy about what I wanted - but when I envisioned my life back then, the HERE and the NOW was absolute success.

So here I am just where I wanted to be - realizing that being a wife and a mom are vocations that I certainly adore, but have... lets see... sides to them that I am not ... NATURALLY inclined to. The housekeeping side. If I am focused on that - then yes, I'll pass at it. But the more I'm focusing on photography the worse the housekeeping is getting.

That's beside the point (and hey - my "no dish crusted" rule is at like 90% success rate right now - that's pretty dang good in comparison to where I was).

So, except for failing at some housekeeping duties, I am exactly where I want to be - with family in every definition so much more than my little childhood brain could have dreamed up.

It's the side jobs of mom and wife that I didn't understand as a kid (how could picking up my crumbs possibly translate as love for mom?! I thought to myself...)... that have me feeling a bit on the incomplete/uninspired side. It's the managing the day sort of stuff I don't love... managing the education, managing this and that and the other thing.

The parts I do love are exactly the parts that I thought I'd love. OOOO those cute faces Abby makes and how she talks with that tone, OOOOOO those kissable cheeks Jack has and the chatter he tries. (and yes Ooooo how nice it is to have Steve to cuddle with when there's ever time to cuddle).

And up crops this photography thing. And oh how it adds to my day in a way doing the laundry does not.

Snort, yes I know I still have to do the laundry - please do not regale me with the necessities and hidden joys of organization and housekeeping. I do get it, believe it or not - I have done the happy dance over getting chores done, I have sighed with relief, cheered and pat myself on the back for doing the things I need to do just to keep the house in general order. I understand how wonderful and fulfilling being a better housekeeper could be.

But it's not inspiring and addicting and fascinating and exciting and fun and frustrating like painting, drawing, or clicking that camera button. And painting and drawing are just plain too time intensive, crawl-paced for me right now.

So what have I established so far that I meant to establish in this post?

Part One: I am happy with where and who I am.
Part Two: I find photography the perfect creative outlet for the here and who and now that I am.

So what's the problem?

Part Three: I want more, but... (not to be read I want more butt- I have plenty of butt, thank you very much)

The circumstances:
Some of these photographers just plain live in different places that I don't have access to. Or worlds I'm not a part of. Midwest or Eurpopean or whatever - and no, it STILL doesn't make me want to travel, it just makes me want to figure out my niche here... and find horses here and find street scenes here and you get the idea... I want to manufacture what they have when they walk out of the door. Bad idea, I know.
In actuality, the nitty gritty time can be achieved. I have a schedule worked out with my ever-patient mother that I could use for photography shoots. They are mostly set aside for actual paying client shoots however, not 'just for the art of it' shoots... and even if they were...

The internal struggle: One blog I found The Sartorialist made me desperately want to go around town and ask random strangers to stand there a second to pose for the camera. The very idea has me shaking in my boots. I can be an extrovert like person. I really can. Obviously -you've probably all seen me obnoxiously extroverted at one time or another, so you know that. And sure, maybe if I had a little crew following me around making me look legit I probably wouldn't have a hard time doing that kind of thing. But just me... I freeze up just thinking about asking the people that I'd actually WANT to shoot to turn around and look at the pretty birdie.

It's sort of like - what show was that - I think an Oprah psychologist said that mostly we are attracted to people that we consider way out of our league and we marry people we are more comfortable around. I happen to have hit the jack-pot with Steve in that sense - I still think he's way out of my league. But with photography subjects, I can see that happening. Like I can tell who I would feel comfortable asking on the street - but they wouldn't necessarily be who I really really wanted to ask that day.

Part Four: Why the rush?
I've mentioned this before too - but I feel this weird... feeling that I'm in a rush all the time now. With photography more than anything else. Like, impending... something.
Anyway, I think it messes with my photography. Instead of enjoying and savoring I'm... trying to catch up with my momentum or something weird like that.
I think our vacation is going to help this, because I'm going to try to be intentional about it. I have a bunch of captive models in a gorgeous location and all the time in the world. I'm excited to see what I can catch.

Progress

So Abby gets up miserably several times last night. One time complaining, "It's all the light - I can't sleep because there's so many lights on."


SIGH.

The Family Scowl

The Switch

"Momma, why is there a switch in my brain?"

Hmmm... I say, "I don't know. What does the switch do?"

After some probing, I found Poppa has been trying to help Abby work through her night troubles. The switch troubled her some (I believe the context was Poppa telling her that there was a switch in her brain that told her when it's time to go to sleep and when it's time to get up).

Snort.

Lights

Abby is scared to go to bed everynight and wants as many lights on as absolutely possible. We finally caved last week and even allowed the little chandelier above her bed on - in addition to the closet, the Christmas tree, the hall and the bathroom.

My dad (the guy with the psychology knowledge) talked to her for a couple minutes last night and suggested we put no limits on the light for one night and negotiate after that.

So her overhead light was on as well last night.

AND without prompting or suggesting or me even knowing she wore this to bed:



Like literally had it over her eyes.

Hmmmm... SOMETHING tells me its not about the dark?

Ummm...

So, my very nice and helpful neighbor June just called to ask if she could tell UPS to try my house to accept a registered package if they aren't there. I said of course and there was a lot of pausing which I didn't understand until she said, "It's Dad. It's his ashes."



"Oh." I say. I camp by the door, I think.

Better Late than Never...

SO January 3rd (my brother's birthday) Abby, Jack, my mom and I went to view the Rose Parade floats. It is the only decent thing to do considering my mom's complex was completely shut down (except for an itty bitty grass fire lane) during New Year's. We just walked straight out of the house, down the driveway and around the corner and there were the massive floats.

Abby brought her digital camera and Jack was blase about the whole thing. There were aLOT of people.... the end.

Portraits of the Artist

"I've Well and Truly Ruined it This time"

Ah, the most joyous of all the phrases my mom utters.

Why you ask, aghast?

Because that's what she says when she really REALLY burns the fudge. And one of two things happen after she's said it - the fudge actually turns to petrified stone and is really ruined (and I ow my mom a new saucepan) or...

The fudge really truly is perfect.

Sigh. I have a perfect batch of burnt fudge in my fridge. How will I both keep it forever and eat it? I don't know - I'm working on the problem

I have gotten used to and much enjoyed (dare I say, adored) her less burned offerings in the last year since the last perfect batch - but... there really is only one sort of truly burnt fudge...

Jack - gangster cutee

Have I mentioned recently that Jack is too cute to handle. Like, he's got this whoooooooole routine worked out. When he's going to bed, he wants to hold my hand. So I let him unless he gets up in which case I leave. Well, this works best if I'm reading a book so that he doesn't sense all this "scrutiny" from me even if my eyes are closed - kids can just sense when they are being scrutinized. However, Jack, who rather likes attention, now will kind of perch his head against the crib bars, just above the bumper to see how long it takes me to realize he's not totally down on the mattress, then when I look at him he'll give me this totally impish little boy expression, then plop back down to the mattress.

OH why oh why are our children such flirts? Abby's going to join a commune so she never has to be alone again and Jack is going to be a professional flirt.

The Fake Driveway

You leave Abby and Steve alone for too long and they cook up plans. Big plans.

I randomly heard that they were going to have a fake driveway in the garage last week. I thought that meant they were going to pretend to serve fastfood because that's what Abby calls the "drive-thru."

Whatever it was, I could tell, something in Abby's voice, that it was VERY important to her. The name sometimes changed, driveway, drive out, drive...

Finally, once steve brought home the projector I realized it was a fake Drive IN.

Steve set up the projector, brought out blankets and pillows and they watched a movie against the garage wall. How cute is that? Abby LOVED it.

Fascinating...

People really raise their eyebrows at us when we answer the "How long have you been married?" question with, "Almost ten years."

There is something about this milestone that gives off a sort of legitimacy.

Anyway, a guy we were meeting with about our stairway asked how long, we answered, and he looked at Steve with this very real respect... not quite awe, but definite admiration.

Now, this could be because I looked pretty awful as I was waiting until after the meeting to have my shower. BUT I choose to think it was because he felt like it takes a real stand-up guy to stay married. Again, I don't choose to think he feels this way because women are a pain in the butt and all the other negative things I could think.

It was interesting. I think it's one of those glimpses into men that we women dismiss - how much a successful marriage means to them in that it it shows a certain amount of success as a man as well. I find that very honorable if I'm reading that right.

Of course I also got the vibe this man thought it was the men that hold it all together. And... you know... I'm not really thinking he's wrong. Of course us womenfolk go around killing ourselves trying to keep the day to day and in turn the whole lifetime together, it's just... when I think of Steve and Marriage, I think of steady and not swaying and just unimpressed with the circumstances in each of those day to days - perspective I guess the word is, no matter what the day brings.

Jack - By MYSELF

If Jack could say words, those are the words he would say.... those and "Mommy, mommy I love you so much" of course.

If I laugh at you, scoff, mock, etc you when you ask "Can you tell a difference in personality yet between Jack and Abby" please do not take offense. I am laughing at the sheer insanity of souls, and how incredible that it can be so immediate that one can tell their individuality - I am not laughing AT you.

The doctor mentioned at Jack's year appointment that he should be showing interest in feeding himself soon. I don't remember the doctor saying that during Abby's year appointment, but that could very possibly be because Abby screamed for dear life during every second of her doctor's appointments until she was 3.

I didn't think much of it either way because Abby never really cared about feeding herself. Abby - it must be said - was born high class. While she has always been incredibly sure of what she's wanted - doing things herself have not been tops on the list.

Jack... now Jack... he's more a blue collar kind of guy. And "doing it himself" - oh - yeah - that would be VITALLY important to him. How vitally important you ask?

Well, after a few days of him tug of war with the bowl of oatmeal & him constantly yanking the bowl of Cheerios out of my hand, yelling at me face to face in a barking, outraged sort of way, I simply had to listen to him.

And I put up with this... THIS is how clear he was, that I was willing to clean up after this:

"Ah, cold oatmeal and soggy Cheerios, this is what I've been talkin' about!"
"Freedom tastes so good!"
"I've got oatmeal on my what now?"

He was so smug, I cannot even tell you. As a baby, you know you've outdone yourself when the wet rag your mom had to use to clean you off sticks to the floor after use.

The Trashman Cometh

NOW I can clean the house.

Jack Attacks Drinking

Orange Sale 2009 PROGRESS (Maggie, don't look)

Maggie - did you close the page? Go on, close it.




Okay, for everyone else who won't think feel I'm giving everyone else a heart attack by this update:



Okay - I have (both virtual and real) sold 27 crates of fruit. I am overjoyed. Thank you all so much. I have a few family members left to love me with their orders, and a few more cards to call - but I'm one happy Orange seller. 8 more to go. Which will feel insurmountable in two weeks - but for now, seems very doable.

A New Age

Abby wants a new bed. Pronto. She wants a Princess Loft bed to be specific.

She tells me she wants to see it and I say, "Okay, let's see" as I google options, and she prompts, "It's beds.com"

Restless Men

What happens when Jack becomes restless:


What happens when Steve becomes restless:

Orange Sale 2009!!!

Sales start now through me, or 10am tomorrow thru the website www.ansoranges.com

California Navel Oranges
$25 full crate (40lbs)
$16 1/2 crate
$11 1/4 crate

Arizona Ruby Grapefruit
$21 full crate (40 lbs)
$15 1/2 crate
$10 1/4 crate

The growers have said the Oranges are significantly larger this year - fyi.

The fruit is famous for lasting weeks if you keep it in the garage, so don't be intimidated by the size.

I need to sell 35 crates of fruit. This is Abby's preschool's only fundraiser (which is a gift to you and me don't you think?) and it's been the same for 57 years. Can you believe that? I think that is so cool. I couldn't get a hold of one of my families (we get previous customer info from previous ANS families that have left) for a week and they called the school panicked that they hadn't got their order in! I'd say that's one successful fundraiser.

Er hmmm, have I mentioned that if I don't sell it I still have to buy it... and I don't really even like oranges and grapefruit?

A $20 donation counts as a crate of fruit - we still have to try to sell 25 real crates... so ... either one. If you live more than an hour away from me, please don't buy an actual crate from me ;) I love you you East coasters but... um... I'm not delivering fruit to you. Please consider donating a crate of fruit to the Food Pantry (done all automatically) or just making a cash donation (please, pretty please?)

We pick it up January 31 and I must have it out of my house by February 2nd!!

If you buy or donate online both Sarah and I are selling, so make sure to choose M. Scheidler if you want to donate to Sarah's Orange tally and A. Scheidler if you want to donate to mine... this is her first sale and you all remember how freaked out I was (she is not as easily freaked, but still) so feel free to throw me to the curb. OR just donate like ten bucks to mine... and buy a crate from her... or just buy from me if you love me best, you know, however it works out.

I'll be giving you regular reports on how it's going, my mental state, and so on.

Thank you all who have helped us in the past, I can't tell you what a relief it is to go into this knowing I'll make the quota because of all you wonderful people.

Go Orange Sale '09

Some Ought to have Posted...

How two year olds greet each other in the wild:

The cap is not off - I keep wondering what's going to happen if I gave him a taste of pure mustard


Abby making an official introduction of Caiah to Santa

Steve and I on Christmas Eve

Trash Debt*

*term coined by Tim & Sarah as far as I know

One of my biggest annoyances this time of year is when the trash can does not hold all the trash and we have to stockpile trash.  We were doing great with this - all caught up, no perishables with the paper/boxes - perfectly perfect in every way.

Until we forgot to put our bins out Friday.  

DANG IT.

It's Sunday and I'm already dreading waiting until Thursday to clear LAST week's and now this week's trash is going to fill up the bins before we even have a chance to make trash for next week.

DANG IT.

Light Schmight

Two thoughts on light.

First - Steve got me a flash and I am ridiculously pleased with the results... even though it's not exactly purist photographer of me to.

Second - I love this picture of Abby even though she's got crazy sunlight all over her beautiful face.

Actually

Sometimes Abby needs Mommy time especially. She feels sometimes that I'm kissing Jack a lot and not her, or talking to Jack a lot more than her. This is often true, as Jack is attached to me quite often. So, as I'm lucky enough to have such an emotionally aware daughter, she tells me when those times are, and I sit with her and we just chat together.

Always curious about what Abby thinks of things... I ask her a lot of questions. This day I asked her what she wanted her husband to be like.

At first I would give her two options.

Do you want him to be Serious or Silly? Serious
...Tall or Short? Tall
... Strong or weak? Strong
Do you want him to like Cars or Science? Baseball
...Dogs or Cats? Dogs... AND cats, actually, dogs and cats both.
...Piano or Guitar? Piano
...Chicken or Pizza? Pizza
...Paint or Camera? I want him to paint pictures of all his kids and his wife
Beard or no beard? No beard
Do you want him to wear a hat or no hat? What kind of hat? [its up to you] Yeah, like a boy's hat, sure.

Then she'd really get into the swing of things, so I started writing it all down so I wouldn't forget:

I want him to have hair like Jack and feet like Jack.
I want him to be ticklish (I thought this meant play tickle, but she means just him be ticklish, not herself)

Finally when I asked her:

Do you want him to like Cars or Planes?

Actually I want him to like trabbeling. We can go meet a friend, and go to Disneyland, and we could go to Chicago, and to Africa, to Hawaii where Jon & Kate plus 8 went... just everywhere all the days.

I want him to like to pick flowers with me

I want our house to be very pretty and sparkles in the midnight.

I want him to exercise and teach my kids to do exercise.

I want him to wrestle and jump alot with us, maybe play pillow fight.

She came over toward the middle to survey my list and she pointed to it:
When I grow up, I'm going to show this {list] to my boyfriend


edited to add: She again mentioned hair by saying, "I want his hair to be like this" and motioning quite plainly buzzed hair. "Like Daddy's?" She nodded, "Yeah, just like Daddy's"

"On Christmas Eve I want my stocking ot be a Princess and my boyfriend's stocking to be a Prince stocking"

"I want him to tell me to go to bed when I can't go to bed"

I wrote down some note about Coronado and Pasadena, but I don't remember what she said about them.