We met Shannon, Wesley and Julia at the mall to have Julia's "naked bottom" picture taken (I piggybacked Abby into the appointment to get a picture in the blue dress she picked herself).
The day didn't exactly start well... but not all that bad. I was running late and didn't remember to grab the stroller out of Steve's car - I grabbed the new one but didn't realize it came unassembled. I also forgot it was time to put in the Orange Sale Contribution money. I zip to Santa Clarita after going back to the house, getting the Orange Sale folder, and returning the folder to the pre-school.
I get to the mall with three minutes to spare. The picture place isn't open. Shannon is standing picturesquely with two happy smiling content children in a stroller. We walk in, figure now is the best time for Julia's picture since she is so happy. They take a while, but it's not too bad, Julia is ALL dimples as Shannon undresses her to her nappy and swaddles her in a fuzzy pink blanket to wait.
And then... well... the day turned on all of us.
Julia doesn't like being put on her tummy to show her naked butt.
She doesn't even like being turned over to look at the camera.
Julia cries.
Wesley protests (he doesn't like it when Julia cries).
Julia still cries.
Wesley cries.
Abby is not so sure about this whole picture idea.
Shannon picks up Julia to prove to Wesley she is okay.
Wesley doesn't buy it.
Julia doesn't buy it.
Shannon doesn't give up.
Julia giggles.
Wesley still doesn't buy it.
Julia is now upset that Wesley is crying.
I take Wesley to the side to sing some songs with Abby.
Wesley thinks I'm a communist.
Abby tells him he needs to be good for his picture.
Wesley doesn't want to take a picture.
Shannon (while trying to pose naked Julia) says he doesn't have to take a picture.
Abby tells him he does.
Wesley believes Abby.
I suggest Shannon knows better than Abby.
Wesley still thinks I'm a communist.
I try to explain I'm really not into politics.
Shannon calls out, "She's peeing on me!"
I stand, "Uh..."
Shannon repeats, "She's peeing all over me!"
I look through the stroller for something to help, "I heard you. What am I supposed to do!?"
Shannon says, "She peed all over me."
I give her a diaper, "I know!?"
Abby and Wesley think we're incapable parents.
The picture lady goes to get paper towels.
Shannon tells me to take Julia, I do.
Shannon yells, "Don't touch her she's wet!"
I wonder how I can hold her without touching her. I hold her like those comedies about people that don't like babies, with my arms outstretched.
Shannon's jeans are soaked in exactly the place where they would be soaked if Shannon had peed. I ask, "What do you want me to do?"
She seems to be stuck on the pee, "I'm soaked. This has never happened to me."
I say, "Ok. What do you want to do?"
Shannon says, "I want you to go get me new jeans! I'm soaked."
Julia is now giggling.
Wesley is unhappy.
Abby is wringing her hands.
They try again for the photograph, but now Julia's dimples are gone.
Abby takes her pictures, we wait for them.
There is an eerie calm as Shannon nurses.
Wesley and Abby run around the store without too much damage done.
Then Wesley stops at the threshold of the store. I watch him. It's like a movie. I know what he's going to do. Abby is right behind him, I start jogging. Wesley SPRINTS out of the store. Abby thinks about it. Shannon is nursing.
I run after Wesley, Abby runs after me. I stop halfway. I tell Wesley to stop, he turns with a glint in his eye... I realize,
"Uh Oh... he thinks I'm playing." Shannon, meanwhile has stopped Julia mid-meal and is following us. I motion her to stay with Abby while I go after Wesley who is a little disappointed we didn't run all the way through the mall.
Now Wesley realizes it is all a cruel joke and it was no game and he's got a date with the naughty rug... he isn't happy about this. Shannon has to carry him kicking to the car.
We get to Shannon's place. Wesley has a hard time on the rug while Shannon changes into pee-free clothes.
Then... the happiness returns.
Foolish mortals that we are, we think,
"Ha, well that was awful, but at least it's over - it can't get any worse, we're home!"We order pizza.
Shannon changes a poopy diaper while I set up the food and juice. Abby has to have special juice because she's allergic to the normal kind. I cut slices of pizza while Abby tries to take a drink from the grape juice cup. Apparently I didn't click the the lid on tight enough because it spilled ALL over Abby, ALL over the chair cushion and on the floor and table. I look for a napkin while Abby cries. Shannon gets Abby new clothes, a new chair and Wesley eats his pizza. Shannon then tells me to sit in the wet chair. I figure,
well I deserve to be punished this is all my fault.
I move the cushion and sit on the wood of the chair. I get up to do something else. Come back, and sit in the grape juice.
We eat.
I notice Wesley is having trouble staying in his chair. Shannon is telling him, "Go on, get up."
I realize his chair is broken - one leg is totally bent in, the wood looks splintered.
Shannon and I look at each other. She says, "God, I'm thankful that Julia is napping."
We decide all we can do now is eat candy.
So... it's only fair to forewarn a certain someone who might read this blog, whose initials are D.C. that I have eaten all the purple and pink sweettarts in his house and his wife may still need some comfort food.
