Foiled Again by Jenny Crusie

Jenny Crusie is a Romance/Fiction author I like quite a bit. She has a blog on her main site and she has the whole dueling he wrote/she wrote blog with a co-writer that I was addicted to for a while.

Point being she often blogs about writing, mistakes/challenges/ etc.

So I finally feel like I have a handle on my first chapter and she does a blog about how she puts a book down immediately if it starts with a whole lot of infodump. It has to start in the now, blah blah.

Which I totaly agree with - but I immediately thought of my chapter and went 'WHOOPS' thats all info dump.

Sigh.

So, it challenged me to SHOW not TELL (we all remember that lesson from 3rd grade English, right?).

And so off I go to revise my chapter...

And by revise I mean start over.

Ok, you know what? I don't know that Tomorrow IS another day...

I am frustrated with the female species at the moment. And I'm sick of the whole mess. We're not talking one problem person here... unless we're talking about me - after all I am the common denominator. (And *no* I'm not hinting. The three females who know about this blog are not the problem)

But (*#&$^*! I'm going to use it.

And its going to be to my benefit.

To misquote Eddie Izzard, "I just can't get these trees right... - dammit I will kill everyone!!"
(except I'm not Hitler, so we'll just say "Dammit I don't like ANYone!")

pfft.

*update: Hazel has restored my general faith in females. Even though I still can't count on anyone ;)

Tomorrow is another Day

I am home from Idaho and it feels like I'm coming back from a month long sojourn. Yup, I broke out the word sojourn. Trip wasn't adequate. Like I sort of feel like I have to ease off a mountain top experience and yet - it wasn't particularly momentous.

I didn't end up getting much sleep even though Chelsea and I actually got a bedroom to ourselves (we were initially meant to huddle on a hide-a-way bed). The first night we went to bed pretty late and the second it ended up being odd sharing a bed because I went to sleep earlier. I dunno.

My mind seemed very very occupied. I couldn't rest well.

But there wasn't any negative to the trip - I felt very at home - very much part of the family.

I suppose that may be where the melancholy at leaving it behind comes from. It feels very much like they've accepted me as a sister-in-law in the family and yet I probably won't see these people again. Maybe once or twice in a lifetime? I mean, maybe it would be more likely if I was single or if Steve's family wasn't so close. So then I dunno - I just started feeling gray about the whole thing. Like I belonged with them and yet I won't get to.

It felt very emotional that the little family I grew up with is now complete. At least with adults. I didn't believe it could be completed so well, but there it is. God just doing what God does - being miraculous.

So for all these reasons I ended up walking out of the Sun Valley Airport feeling very small and very much at a loss. Like, it was back to real life. A real life I missed (not having Steve on the trip was difficult - not having Abby made me ache at times but not having both made it easy - ha! how's that for an oxymoron?) and a family to get back to.

No resolution. I wrote a very little on the plane trip and read two novels and paid attention to how these authors write their 'he said, she said' sentences.

I think I have my opening line. Or something near.

So here we go. It's time to get my head back in the game. So, I'm pushing aside the dream world of the trip that is already fading away on it's own and picking up the fantasy world of my book again... just not tonight.

p.s. for those of you curious to know if I used my trusty flexible gross finger trick, I'm sorry to say I did. I just can't seem to be prouder of any other accomplishment in my life as I am of my distended thumb. I think it's because it gets the biggest reaction of any!

p.s.2. Also there was a little guilt factor that I haven't given Abby a sibling. I watch Megan and her siblings interact and it feels like a lot of pain on the part of the parent - i.e. juggling babies - ends up very rewarding for the kids.

Lots to say but where is my blog?

Having technical difficulties here...

Important Retraction

It seems there has been a miscommunication in our Sales Department. Candy Cane Ave. no longer produces scumptious treats in the image of the New Testament Saints. Apparently it is a new and brilliant comic strip that, while still in the design stages, promises to take over the world.

You can't eat it however... so... I'm not sure what the point is.

Looking for Figurines?

Have I found just the place. Just visit www.candycaneave.blogspot.com for the best assortment of Candy Cane figurines - all your favorite Saints made out of delicious holiday fudge or lip-smacking peppermint candy.

Don't miss your chance to own the whole collection now.

MMMmmmmmwah!

Really, I don't even think I need to add anything... Wesley had just woken up from his nap you see...

On the horizon... Life (aka School)

I'll love her forever, I'll like her for always, as long as I'm living, my baby, she'll be.

Shower Surge

Ok, I have a rough outline, a basic arc, and enough conflict to give my character some difficult, yet ultimately fulfilling times.

This is a start. Of possibly years of nothing. Woo hoo.

I am already doubting if i want to do this. But the thing is. The honest thing is - I write little plots and fantasies (get your mind out of the guttter) all the time and I always will. The only difference between writing this and writing what I usually do is this intimidating idea of trying to get it published. Suddenly it takes on different implications when it is intended to go out as some sort of proof of success. Well... Steve would say - don't worry about that now. Writing it has nothing to do with that.

So in answer to my own doubting - there is no reason *not* to keep going with this. I'm going to be writing anyway. I might as well write this.

And if it's never good enough to publish - fine. I will just leave it happily residing next to my Firefly fanfiction which will also never be read by another living soul, but, in contrast, *is* quite brilliant.

UGH! You have got to be kidding me...

This book, "Story Structure Architect" by Victoria Lynn Schmidt has been very helpful as I've said.

Then I get to this VERY academic list of plots - there are only so many you see that we all use and repeat over and over and over.

But for crying out loud it reads like Beowolf.

I hated Beowolf.

ROAD BLOCK.

Must take shower. Find renewed energy. Stop brain from melting.

Two steps forward, one back

So, I've enlisted the only person I know that has similar reading tastes as myself and one of my only truly trusted friends as my 'sounding board' since that is what I need to do this.

Also the book I bought is already helpful. It just helps define everything.

I know my throughline is going to be my character succeeding
I know my genre is contemporary romance
I know my conflicts are going to be relational and internal
I know the turning point for acts 2 and 3
I know that it will be a person that gives my character inspiration and tension in order to keep the second act moving.

and... well... that's all.

Next comes the fun stuff. Acts and how they arc.

So those are the two steps forward.

The one step back is that I just read the working scene I've been playing with for a month and I think it's coming off young and self-promoting. I read another draft with some very different takes and that is going to work better I think.

Of course then I have to cut the chapter up into little bits because an awful lot happens in this scene because my plot was supposed to be stuffed inside the main plot. And now I have to flesh it out and draw it out and... let's see... oh yeah! make it intelligible and exciting.

Love you Forever

Speaking of books. Abby can now sing the song from "Love You Forever' by Robert N. Munsch. I am a little undecided on this book. There are parts of it that make me cry every time. There are parts that are just awkward. There are parts that are sweet. So, you get the idea.

But the song Abby recites is "I love you forever, I like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." She sings it to me and to the measuring spoons she'd swaddled in dish rags. Which is enough to firmly establish the book in my heart ... even with the awkward sneaking of the Mom into the grown man's room. Er Hm. We'll just gloss over that.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up - besides to have a record of another of those cute, sweet, heartrending things Abby does, is because I have a very strong reaction to this book as the mom.

If you haven't read it, I'll tell you that basically the mom sings this song to her son throughout the stages of his lifetime. And as he gets older the mom gets older - until sure enough the mom is dying and the son goes to see her and she can't sing the song anymore so he sings it to her (Except saying 'My mommy, you'll be"). And then he goes home and this is the part that makes me cry every time - he stands at the top of the stairs for a long time. Then he goes into his baby's room and sings her the same song.

My reaction is that the mom starts out young and beautiful with this sweet (and maybe a tad insane) sparkle in her eye. And within four pages as this boy grows into a man - her life goes by.

And yes, I realize quite fully that the job of a mom is the most important and special thing in the world - that is not my problem. I don't feel unappreciated, I don't feel like my life is a waste, I don't feel like no one understands. I just... find it so... sad... that the mom dies and life has to go on.

Like, obviously the boy/man in this book loved his mom and understood how wonderful she was. But at the same time... I guess my issue is that I became a bit too invested in the mom. I think it is a testament to the author that he has the page where the son just pauses. It gives everyone a chance to pause, grieve, etc. But I guess overly- sensitive me needed more time to grieve before he picks up the new baby and I'm supposed to see hope and new beginnings and how the mom's ability to give the son love now enables the man to give his daughter love and etc etc.

But excuse me - that wonderful goofy lady with the sparkle in the eye is dead - the lady that thought the sun and the moon revolved around her child and she's just gone from her child's life. And I'm unhappy about it even if that child is grown.

Perhaps if I knew her other hobbies... her identity besides motherhood... I could wrap my head around her as a well-rounded person. But it's this image of all the millions of things moms do in a child's lifetime - the thousands of diapers and naps and treats and meals and adventures and worry and love and pain and uncertainty and the all-consuming nature of the whole thing. And you do all this with the intent on sending them off to find their own life - I'm just supposed to enjoy the process of loving them through service & affection and be fulfilled by the end result of being left behind!

*snort*

Yes I know - this is why we need to protect the relationship with our spouses - because they are the only ones it's appropriate to expect a commitment of *thereness* from - after all they are the ones that promised to stick around.

And, yes, I know that when it comes time I will be exactly that - fulfilled by this incredible journey that does indeed give me much joy daily.

I'm just... there is just a part of it that is sad.

And, yes, it is an emotional time of the month and an emotional time of life as Abby celebrates a birthday and starts school.

But it sometimes makes me sad even without any of that.

Finally this sounds just about right...

On a random note, I have always wondered whether I am an auditory or visual learner. I had no idea there were quite a few classifications other than those two.

I always assumed I was visual because of my imagination and artistic tendencies. But the more I wondered about it the more that didn't track. I remember landmarks just fine - I just tend to get them switched - like on the wrong side of the street or with a landmark to some other path. But maps only confound me - they literally stress me out. If I am in charge of using it I have to keep my finger on the line we are traveling on and really can't break my concentration on it or will have to start all over.

I never really considered that I was auditory because while I certainly do talk alot and listen alot - lectures in general sound like 'Blah blah blah blah' to me. Someone starts telling me directions - no matter how important - and my eyes start to fog up.

I know I'm nothing to do with logic or math. The only A in school subjects that I never could quite get... and I tried.

Tactile though - I thought that could be an option. Because I love repetition - whether its practicing music or song or menial tasks at work or in art. That is certainly how I learned my piano pieces... by wrote over and over. But I don't really do that by touch.

Hmm. After taking a bunch of surveys it looks like auditory (or a form of it) is the clear winner. Come to think of it, even though I have been reading music since Kindergarten, I picked up a piece ten times faster if I knew what it sounded like. Also I listen to the same song - enjoy the same song many mnay times in a row. AND Steve's talk radio disturbs me so much sometimes because it's just noise - people talking starts to grate on my nerves like rubbing a cat against the direction of theor hair. Evenntually I need bouts of total silence or my brain feels like it's going to over heat.

Everyone is all of them to some extent, I realize, but I just find it interesting. When I went searching and found a basic worksheet where I fit every one of the statements. Totally unhelpful.

Here we go. I am equal parts Solitary and Aural but I don't know what either of those are... (then came social, verbal and low on the list was logic and physical - so low I didn't even bother looking them up)


The aural (auditory-musical-rhythmic) learning style

If you use the aural style, you like to work with sound and music. You have a good sense of pitch and rhythm. You typically can sing, play a musical instrument, or identify the sounds of different instruments. Certain music invokes strong emotions. You notice the music playing in the background of movies, TV shows and other media. You often find yourself humming or tapping a song or jingle, or a theme or jingle pops into your head without prompting.

You may use phrases like these:

That sounds about right.

The solitary (intrapersonal) learning style

If you have a solitary style, you are more private, introspective and independent. You can concentrate well, focusing your thoughts and feelings on your current topic. You are aware of your own thinking, and you may analyze the different ways you think and feel.

You spend time on self-analysis, and often reflect on past events and the way you approached them. You take time to ponder and assess your own accomplishments or challenges. You may keep a journal, diary or personal log to record your personal thoughts and events.

You like to spend time alone. You may have a personal hobby. You prefer traveling or holidaying in remote or places, away from crowds.

You feel that you know yourself. You think independently, and you know your mind. You may have attended self-development workshops, read self-help books or used other methods to develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

You prefer to work on problems by retreating to somewhere quiet and working through possible solutions. You may sometimes spend too much time trying to solve a problem that you could more easily solve by talking to someone.

You like to make plans and set goals. You know your direction in life and work. You prefer to work for yourself, or have thought a lot about it. If you don’t know your current direction in life, you feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction.

Again you are more likely to use phrases that reflect your other dominant styles. Here are some other phrases you may use:

This is what I think or feel about that.


The social (interpersonal) learning style

If you have a strong social style, you communicate well with people, both verbally and non-verbally. People listen to you or come to you for advice, and you are sensitive to their motivations, feelings or moods. You listen well and understand other’s views. You may enjoy mentoring or counseling others.

You typically prefer learning in groups or classes, or you like to spend much one-on-one time with a teacher or an instructor. You heighten your learning by bouncing your thoughts off other people and listening to how they respond. You prefer to work through issues, ideas and problems with a group. You thoroughly enjoy working with a “clicking” or synergistic group of people.

You prefer to stay around after class and talk with others. You prefer social activities, rather than doing your own thing. You typically like games that involve other people, such as card games and board games. The same applies to team sports such as football or soccer, basketball, baseball, volleyball, baseball and hockey.

Here are some other phrases you may use:

Tell me what you are thinking.
Help me understand this.

The verbal (linguistic) learning style

The verbal style involves both the written and spoken word. If you use this style, you find it easy to express yourself, both in writing and verbally. You love reading and writing. You like playing on the meaning or sound of words, such as in tongue twisters, rhymes, limericks and the like. You know the meaning of many words, and regularly make an effort to find the meaning of new words. You use these words, as well as phrases you have picked up recently, when talking to others.

You may use phrases like these:

In other words…

Flurry of Wispy Not Much

Ok, so... I've decided the main problem with doing this book thing on my own. The plot. Before I had one. Now I don't.

Because I won't take hers because I believe she will someday want it; not to mention I just wouldn't do that one because that plot wasn't my passion - but it was easy... it was straightforward. And if there is one thing I am not... it is straight forward so that would have been nice.

I am running around and around in my mind how to build a plot around what I want to build the plot around and it's getting there. It would be nice to have a partner to bounce things off of... but it's also nice not to have a partner tell me how ridiculous all the half-baked thoughts that are running through my head are. This is also what brought me back to the auditory/visual/kinetic learning. I have my best thoughts when talking about it to a partner or by writing to her... and now she doesn't exist. Perhaps I will just write emails to myself.

So I did buy a book because it will help me straighten basics out so I don't torture myself with work formulating a formula that has been formulated for fifty years. Next I need a computer program that helps it all along.

But even without that I'm just letting things stew around in my head until it turns a different color.

And I'm writing scenes, or music videos anyway. ;) As I listen to music in the car I build scenes. When it all works with time frame and the beat, I write it down and it has a built in rhythm.

So yeah. Next stop - plot.

Stepping out

Wasn't there a TV show with 'Steppin' Out' as the main lyrics? What was that show?

Hmm.

Anyway, as expected book idea fell thru. In the most loving and honestly authentic way possible. No hard feelings. Except it is now a challenge and a spur to see if I could do this on my own.

One of the reasons the book idea seemed like such a great idea - almost comfortable was that the idea itself - the idea that is not going to happen - seemed like the kind of idea easy to shop to publishers. At least something a bit different to catch someone's eye - to pitch to someone (yes yes Ephesians rears it's awesome head again - there is nothing new under the sun and I believe that - except our own selves... see GOD can do new things - ha! Take THAT Ephesians... wait... somehow that didn't come out right).

Add to that my would-be partner is a brilliant writer as well as a brilliant technical writer and it would mean two tons less work for me if she was involved - helping to detangle sentences and nix words that don't exist and tone down the dramatic angst that I tend to splurge on when writing.

So that is why there are no hard feelings because it's not that I'm as disappointed about the no partner idea as I am with how it would have 'sold' as a partner thing and there was the laziness factor that I can hardly blame on her.

The issue I have is that I feel like trying to get a novel published is on par with trying to become an actor. It's just... overdone and so unlikely to happen. Everyone secretly thinks if they just did it (wrote that idea or went on that audition) that they would be brilliant at it. Now I'm sure a fair number of people WOULD excel at these things if they went ahead and did it - I am sure there are so many more out there than we think that think this way. But even if they excelled, they may not succeed.

If I tried this I would have to get some instruction - go to one of the writer's conventions or take some classes or something like that. But, Ugh, I just hate that feeling that - it's like just the mere attempt to write a book seems SO pretentious...

Hey - I think someone CALLED me pretentious quite recently... someone who steals churros. Hey - that same person and I were once going to start a churro stand... Years ago. That person's name starts with a D and ends with an E and has an AV in the middle and who's last name rhymes with Bunningham. Look at all the business opportunities I get ditched on! I hang out with teases obviously.

Anyway. I sort of want to do this. So... I'm sort of going to do it.

Totally not directed toward ANYONE

Gosh, Dave C is such a churro lush










*I'm *so* funny.

Adventures with Magic Shell

Magic Shell chocolate coating for ice cream is one of those things I get once a year or so because I pass it in the super market and I think back on the childhood love of it and I just need to have it.

Course I don't love the taste... but... its the power of nostalgia, what can I do?

Well, I just had some today and I have to share what an odd experience with Magic Shell I've had recently.

I first bought it in late last year some time. And it was so cold in my house (wasn't necessarily that cold outside) but it was so cold in my house that everynight the magic shell would freeze in it's container.

I thought that was pretty funny. Steve and I don't have heating at the moment you see.

So when I wanted to use it I had to run it under hot water for five minutes.

Well so now it is hot. And we air conditioning either. But hey - no problem - right?

No. Now it is so hot in my house the magic shell won't freeze on the ice cream because the ice cream melts too fast and the bowl never gets cold.

I really should have added 'Air/Heat' to my list of things I want when Steve gets rich and famous. And then I'll have a talk with the magic shell people. They are obviously snobs for the perfect climate.

So, what have you been up to?

Nothing.... nothing at all. Did I ever have a good answer to that question?

With my brother's wedding and subsequent receptions I've gotten that question a lot recently... and actually not just from people who don't know me or haven't seen me a while. It's a pretty common question I'm noticing.

It's like when you're pregnant - suddenly you take note of all the pregnant women you see. I keep tripping over myself to respond to this question so I'm noticing how often it comes up.

Before Abby I think that I would fall back to talking about work if nothing particularly exciting was going on in my personal life. It's easy when you're engaged or buying a house or pregnant to focus on that major thing as what I am up to. But I remember specifically being thrown by the question when I was pregnant because it was like "I'm making a baby, that's what I'm doing - and it's freaking me out and I am completely focused on it and I can't make it casual conversation." Except I could shift to things like baby colors and food cravings and names.

Now that I'm a stay at home mom though I find it an impossible question to answer. I am at my daughter's beck and call while trying to teach her manners and letters and find stimulating fun things for her to do while also running errands once or twice a day... everyday.

But I don't know how to articulate what I do, what I am up to into acceptable social conversation. I'm not shy or embarrassed by my job. But somedays my job is about cleaning up poop... EVERYWHERE. And some days my job is consumed with fears that she's drinking too much juice or making myself make us food rather than driving to taco bell... even though I only make three things and am not terribly interested in learning a lot more (which then leads me off into the I eat like a freak tangent which isn't terribly flattering of me). But everyday my day is about making my daughter happy and fulfilled and making my husband happy and fulfilled and remembering only God can fill me and keeping myself basically not fat. And this very simple sounding task is highly consuming... all of them. And as surfacy as the 'fat' comment seems - it's a real concern. Because if I'm not happy with myself I am not going to be able to make Steve and Abby feel good and my prayer life even will be devoted to that rather than to more important matters.

Not that Steve is difficult to live with... he's not. But he's difficult to read sometimes. And he's so much the strong, 'just get through it' type that I am sad to say I often forget I haven't done anything in particular that day to make him feel appreciated and respected etc. Maybe I should just tell him - anytime I don't eat when I'm not hungry - its a love note to him. Not that he would want or read a love note if I wrote one.

He did so much for my brother's wedding with such a great attitude - just worked like hired help just to help things go smooth and just because he loves me and my family. But ha! I succeeded in making him feel appreciated in that. My family wanted to give him a gift - gave me a price range - and I suggested the Xbox 360 (the ultimate sacrifice a wife can make - encourage her husband to get the newest/coolest gaming thing - I'm so humble... it's touching). There have not been many times in my ten year relationship with Steve that I have seen him that blown away - that happy.

Hmm. I wonder if that should make me sad. Oh well. I'll feel sad later when I'm not feeling so smug at being able to keep the secret.

SO, yes, back to the question... I think a lot of the time I do have fascinating things going on and it boils down to me forgetting about them, feeling like the person who asked doesn't care enough to bother, feeling like I just don't know how to present it in a cognitive fashion, or feeling like what I'm saying doesn't truly represent what I am doing. I'm emailing a lot - and believe it or not I find that important. Friends aren't easy to keep now a days and I take time to do that. I'm playing around with this one scene that will be in the book San and I write if we ever write it - but as San and I haven't even met since we decided we were going to try it may as well be fanfiction. I could throw in the book my mom and I are making or the cards we're making... but it's not like I'm 'doing' that. We sort of do that. We do that sometimes. We wish we could do it full time but we aren't. It's like saying I'm a massage therapist because I have given Steve massages - or that I've been photographing weddings because I sort of have - but not PROFESSIONALLY... just twice... and only once as the main photographer and that was a Blessing actually not a wedding... and in England...

I'm laughing at myself now because I think that what I am saying is that, the problem is not that I will not answer the question - the problem is that I will, sometimes in great detail... in order for me to answer that question someone would have to put in the time and effort to listen to me waffle around the issue or topic, going in frustrating, nonsensical circles around what I am trying to say. They would have to be prepared that I often contradict myself and have a tendency to lose my train of thought. I also tend to be so concerned with trying to form an answer to this question well that I completely forget to ask them the question - AND since I hate the question I try to phrase it differently and it always ends up sounding stalker like or completely rude. Like "So - did you know it's best to get large underwear because it doesn't pinch the fat on your thighs as much?" or "Oh- have you quit any jobs recently? I know you have a tendency to do that..."

So I really have to practice because I am going to Idaho for Aaron and Megan's Idaho reception and will be around ALL new people and I just know... I just know it's a train wreck waiting to happen. I need to institute a three second rule where I think about my question or answer for three seconds before letting it come out of my mouth. But then I over think and have to blurt something out to cover my complete silence.

This is how bad it is: I have seriously thought - 'Well, if all else fails I can show them how my fingers bend back in the disgustingly eerie way they do.'

I DO sound like a fascinating dinner companion. It's lucky I'm already married. I probably answered the question very easily back when I met Steve. I was probably so good at it that I even remembered to ask him what his life's goals were. And I probably didn't mention poopie diapers once. That's probably what trapped him.

p.s. I am quite aware as Dave reads my blog I am in for an entire weekend of this question phrased innocently and sprinkled in conversation constantly... and watch... I will be so flustered by the question that I won't catch on and will sincerely start answering each time. I suppose that is payback in itself... cuz Dave is too nice to stop me if I start in on a teary explanation of why I am so honestly sad the Croc Hunter died.