Man Vs. Wild

Okay, too funny - Will Ferrell with Bear. They didn't really do a pre-interview but it seemed Will was overwhelmed fairly quickly by the extreme conditions. He did plenty of joking but also a lot of just plain looking beat & cold. At the end he mentioned a couple times how cool it was to do these dangerous things he'd never have done in another circumstance and that despite the difficulties he valued the silence and the being in nature. I'm sure some people are going to find what Will said cheesy and fake, but I for one believed him.

It made me think of Steve and how his day is so consumed with focusing on what is he working on now, how can he make it new/exciting/better, what's coming next, how to juggle the different projects and then add to that of course get home asap to rescue his cranky pregnant wife from the life she always wanted. I don't feel bad about this so much as want for him an escape like that. He might get that where he is now and then on the ship - I think anytime you're away from your family (this sounds awful) the pressure on your shoulders is cut in half. I know he's working hard, I got a note he was shooting til midnight last night. But I do hope that if there are down times that those famed beautiful Alaskan landmarks give him a few moments of that peace.

And it sort of ties into how I've been feeling. Steve's away again obviously and while on the one hand that stresses me out because I am (in theory) doing everything by myself (that is not the case especially since I strained my foot pretty ugily Saturday evening so my mom is helping even MORE than she'd planned). But what I'm finding in my relative peace (when the kids are asleep and I have no more energy for sorting clothes or toys) is that I also feel a bit freer - BUT on that same note, I'm finding I miss Steve more. And I miss him as a person rather than as a helper/parent etc. Not because he doesn't do so much (he does a ton) but because I'm not focused on "what can he do for me/jack/abby/house" right now, I just plain feel his absence and miss him.

I am feeling more and more as I get older how well I chose in marrying Steve... or ... at least how well I accepted God nudging me toward him all those years ago. I can't say I did such a great job choosing because I was betting against him most of the time - until just boom... ANYWAY I find myself lonely amongst my loving community sometimes but as this time marches on I find I'm only beginning to appreciate how well Steve does know me... there are so many roles we play and Steve knows all mine better than anyone. He's just not the type to sit down and wax on about how well he does. And so sometimes I forget.

Anyway... Go Will Ferrell!

Interference

I am so sick of trying to decide if something doesn't go my way or as planned if that in itself is a nudge from God to go the way provided rather than the way planned.

As many a pastor and speaker have said, when we're not talking about options that would directly conflict with God or the Bible, then we shouldn't spend too much time worrying about them. Pray, sure. Be open, definitely, but don't spin around in circles for years worried about it.

STILL... because I highly believe in being open to God if just by chance He was prompting me that some greater blessing was available HERE instead of THERE, when things crop up like they just did, it throws me.

Part of it is I'm not so worried about these sorts of things for me - it's for my kids, and not just because I love them so, but because it's a lot of pressure to be a parent - to be their advocate not having any idea which will be BEST amongst a decision between fines.

Yes yes, I know, we will make whatever we do the best we can.

Ugh. So I signed up for the first four weeks of Kindergarten Transition Summer school and just got notified that we were enrolled into the second. Well I didn't even put that as an option so I planned my whole summer around the firs session.

Of course I CAN make it happen. I can cancel to the two things I have even though one of them is VBS and is always wonderful. I can see the good of having a longer break between graduating and starting summer school. But do I just... let it go? No, that doesn't seem like a good idea. So I have a call into the school to find out why and if it can be switched then I have to make a decision... AGAIN.

gah.

Edited to Add: Letter school sent out was just wrong. odd. So, all is well.

Some Day Soon

I am going to be looking back on this year/month of posts and wonder where the heck the "Family Picture Day" photos for 2009 are and why I didn't post them.

Well first off May was very busy for everyone so we ended up JUST getting them done May 26 and second... I'm cranky. I've already posted them to smugmug and even to facebook. It seems redundant... but I'm going to be so annoyed if I don't do it... SIGH...

Poppa's Birthday Dinner

My Uncle Jim & Aaron took the family out to dinner in Santa Monica to celebrate my dad's birthday on Wednesday.




(my mom was there too but our photo needed cropping - oh Aunt Jane was there too and somehow she missed the elph capturing)


It was quite nice. We unveiled the new family photos we'd done a day previous (the slightly late annual birthday gift for my MOM) for my dad and Aaron practiced looking pensive while we waited for Megan to save lives before making it to the restaurant. Then he got the call that she was close and he got happy and drank some wine.

Memorial Day BBQ

Jack wanted Abby to carry him around the pool:
So when the third one arrives... how is this supposed to work?


Nice... simple... nice.

Jack's Second LOUD Dodger Game

It was a spur of the moment decision. Go to the Dodger game... after church while Abby was in Manhattan Beach with Gramma. Jack isn't intimidated by much, so we figure at the worse we'll have to let him walk around.


Well... Jack was a little tired, but we were shocked that he was absolutely totally screaming/yelling. So off we go up to the walkway area. Except he's still screaming/yelling. I'm so confused. He doesn't seem all that upset, what the heck is with the noise!?

OHHHH I realize as his volume increases with the crowd's cheers... he's competing with the LOUDness of the rest of the people. He's doing it quite scientifically... and very effectively.

I talk to him about this loudness and he then starts repeating LOooOOOOUUdah with me for about fifteen minutes. Just hilarious. We found a place by the entrance where it was less LooouuuuD and walked around for a while.

All in all... pretty dang funny.

Mood Swing thy Name is Adrea

So - suddenly feeling energized and creative and happy.

odd.

Belly Button, You're so Fine

Jack is in love with his belly button... and really likes to try to find yours too.

This is how incredibly psychotically cute my son is:



This is what a rascal he is:

Park Days

We've had a few park events in the past couple of weeks I haven' documented...

In reverse order:

Miss Pat's retirement picnic:



yes this is a boy following up with Abby when she looked sad and desolate after her friends dared not to want to do what she wanted to do.

Jack just loving the swing - I have a video too of how he just sort of sings to himself on the swing:


She was just feeling the angst of childhood his day. She was a delight for us, she just tended to look melancholy.

Jack lovvvvves the swing
AND the slide - particularly a the dinosaur park *aka Victor Lugo* where the slides are HUGEly long compared to normal playgrounds (after all they are made out of cement dinosaurs, they'd BETTER be big). It's not THAT far away but its far enough that I never think to go. I want to take Jack again when its not so hot.

Shove Flippancy

Isn't it always when you're bragging that you are certainly not "like that" that you realize, well actually, there's a time and a place where you most certainly are exactly "like that"

I was just bragging to my mom tonight how, in the name of a witty remark, I am not easily offended. That I understand that so many of the things we say during any conversation have not been thought through therefore there is no reason to take every little thing in the worst way it could be taken - no reason even to hold some sentence or thought over someone's head years later as canon of their beliefs simply because it was said once. You know what I mean. For example for the rest of my life everyone is going to say/joke/etc how much I hated being pregnant. And that's no one's fault but my own, because I don't gush about things that I don't want to gush about. I don't sugar coat things just for the fun of it. I might, however, whine about things just for the fun of it. But sometimes quite literally JUST for the fun of it.

The truth is I don't enjoy how LONG pregnancy lasts or how FAT I get or how injured I can get or how one's body is not one's own for a long long long time. I don't enjoy the first trimester sickness or the feeling like everything winds me. I don't enjoy that essentially life is put on hold waiting for the new life to emerge.

BUT that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the idea that we made a baby by accident or on purpose, that I don't still find the feeling of the baby crazy insane fascinating awesome. It doesn't mean I don't panic at the end because this little baby I've been able to harbor inside me is now going to be outside me and to some extent never under my control in the same way. Heck, I even sort of like labor - the adventure of it... the 'it's almost done' of it. But see, I'm not going to share that with everyone. Oddly enough, I feel like the things I don't like (not just about pregnancy, but about everything) are much less intimate and therefore sharable than the things I do.

I'll tell anyone and everyone about the stress and the exhaustion and the sickness and the taking over the brain like a sci-fi brain worm. But the parts I enjoy seem more private... more mine and I don't like to give them away.

Anyway, point being I understand that we don't all rehearse for hours on end what we are going to say and how we are going to say it. We all stick our foot in our mouths, we all, at one point or another, hurt, offend or rankle someone without intending to. And not just strangers, in fact, more often than not it is those closest to us that we let our guard down with, that we just plain screw up with.

STILL I feel like when someone is vulnerable, it would be great, just great if we could just shove the flippancy and be nice. BE NICE.

The problem? Of course we don't always know when someone is vulnerable.

I didn't know I was vulnerable... until after two straight nights of my wonderful simple easy sleeper Jack up from 1-3 at least, waking again at 4 or 5 - crying all night even though not totally conscious. Which is O...K... I don't go into the room if he's just randomly crying for a few seconds then going back to sleep. But it means I don't exactly get long periods of sleep, I don't exactly relax.

Even at 5 months pregnant it's really hard for me to get up quickly. So he starts to cry and I tense ... waiting... slowly get myself up when he doesn't stop right away... but still waiting on the edge of the bed... before as a last resort getting up.

On my third night, with no reason to think things will be particularly better but always hopeful since Jack is such a sleeper, I get to sleep at 11:30 - not an indecent hour for me... and I'm asleep, seriously, finally, actually unconscious and the show Steve is watching wakes me up. And then Jack starts his intermittent crying. There is no SOLUTION to his crying (also odd for Jack - not odd at all for Abby's baby year). It's no too tempting to pick him up and move him to our bed because it's not like that makes him restful.

And oddly enough - as I'm sitting there next to his crib trying to decide if there is ANYthing I'm forgetting - that one thing I'm missing that will calm Jack... it's flippant comments from the PAST that swarm in my head and make me feel mad and misunderstood and uncared about. And if you think you are a problem then you're wrong because the people that tend to be so flippant are also quite proud of how un-flippant they are.

Ha. I know because that's totally me. On the one hand I've gotten quite good at not taking a joke at the expense of others... turning humor around so that I (who can take it) are more the punchline. On the other, when it's family... when it's friends I feel safe with... I want to impress with that funny joke... and of course... yeah... I see I'm the pot calling the kettle sooty ;).

But I'm still mad. I still want to be understood and loved and not dismissed because these are the same days of our lives that have had people/women struggling with since the dawn of feather dusters. And NO it's not you. I know who you are thinking 'uh oh, I've said something' and it's not that. I swear. Oh stop ... okay fine - it was you - all you... are you happy now?

See? Perfect example - maybe that really hurt your feelings because you were worried you were the insensitive people and you wanted to show care and all that junk... and I just totally insulted you.

Sorry, I didn't mean it. It was just a good joke opportunity...

Sigh.

I'm tired.

Cue:

I met Abby at the door when she was dropped off from school, she gave me a big hug and her face comes to the middle of my belly. She hugged me and snuggled the baby bulge saying, "And how's that baby doin' in there today? huh?" (speaking to the baby, not me).

I just think if we saw that on tv we'd think it was too much. Of course Abby is always too much but in a good way.

Slowly, Slowly

I'm letting the creative side of myself have a little time in shoots whether it calls for a different look or not, whether my subjects WANT it or not. It's coming more natural and that is making me, naturally, more happy.

If you were the manipulative sort...

What would you want from me? Chocolate Chip Cookies? A five minute photo shoot? Would you like the easiest and least used way to completely get me softened up? LOOK at any of the TWELVE photo albums I've completed (or 99.9% completed) when you come over to my house.

I'm the only one who does look at them (besides Abby who also tends to destroy as she loves - very psychological of her) and that's FINE, I do them for me and maybe for the family too if they ever want to look back ... which knowing irony, they won't ever care to.

Project Progress

First off, Baskin Robbin's shakes make me sick and I still get them... everything I love from there makes me sick. My brain blinds me to that though until it is too late. Very annoying.

I am 2/3 done with Jack's baby album.
I am ready to start Everyday 2009 (there are still a couple pages needing inspiration in 2008, but that counts).
HAWAII is now the daunting task ahead. Sigh. My brain fizzles at the thought.

SO six months to complete until I'm on target, then hoping I can take everything back out in September and get caught up to Abby's birthday THEN... we can put it away for... as long as I have to. I'm thinking of ordering pictures as I go this time - that way even if its two years before I get out my things again they are "ready" so to speak. It's hard to be organized at family photos when I'm more focused on being organized with BrightWaters photos.

And I know this has no bearing on anything or anyone but projects are consuming when one is within them and therefore ... consequently... blogging material.

I have ordered SO many duplicates... organized would be better. But again, when my mind is somewhere else...

What was I saying again?

Snapfish Frustration

Oh wow how incredibly bored I'm going to be by these posts in a few weeks.

Even so...

Here's the problem. Smugmug has superior quality printing and crazy superior quality upload tools than Snapfish. But they are also much more expensive. That's okay, you figure - the really good prints for scrapbooking or for framing I'll put up on Smugmug and I'll use Smugmug as a third protection against loss (i.e. off site backup). But for my everyday photos I'm going to be cutting up and pasting in the scrapbook (half of which I don't even use) I'll use snapfish and in a way it will even be a FOURTH backup.

Well now I remember WHY I stopped uploading on snapfish (which was frustrating as I tried to get photos to scrapbook).

Because their mac easy upload is fine for small quality images or for small amounts of photos, but try to upload a massive amount or a normal amount in decent size and it's extremely frustrating. It's not like I can just restart the upload from where it died because it seems to pull randomly from the order of images - so each time I have to guess or start over arbitrarily and end up with four copies of one image and none of the other. Grr. Grumble. Bah.

TUMS

Oh lovely, to be back at the tums portion of the pregnancy. Actually, I'm fine with it since tums does work and is fairly easy to keep readily available. I don't know how many weeks I just ignored it last pregnancy, not really realizing it was acid that could be fixed oh so simply - even though the best tasting tums still taste a bit reminiscent of vomit if you ask me.

I have photos coming... I just know it... they are lurking in the postman's box - ready to spring tomorrow when my scrapbooking supplies are replenished.

In other news... I'm tired.

Yeah

I cannot tell you how much easier life has become since Jack started saying "Yeah" to what he wanted. He just won't answer if he doesn't want something. Notice he can also nod, though it does more like an attempted head butt. Notice also how much he lurrrrves his mommy and his daddy. Maybe we love him too... it's so hard to tell by our sugary sweet voices, huh?

Technically Thanksgiving

I'm finishing up Thanksgiving 2008 but there are three or four scrapbook page spreads awaiting pictures or decoration still, so I don't feel SO accomplished.

Four or five pictures a day are coming as I ordered from the online sites as I realized which pictures I was missing. It's a fairly good pattern because I know exactly where they fit and I get them and put them in place the first chance I get. THOUGH, in the mail yesterday I got all of Thanksgiving, Jack's birthday and Disney Christmas all in one shot which was not terribly helpful.

The "Random" pages or "Everyday life" pages are my bane. Like I have any idea what was happening when when they aren't tied to an event.

How Many Days DOES it Take

In the spirit of the old Tootsie Pop commercial I decided to time how long it takes for me to go through a gallon of Oraganic Non-Fat Milk since it has been feeling like I'm constantly running out.

I received the latest gallon Wednesday at 10pm and drank the last drop Saturday at around the same time. Is that weird?

Unbearably Adorable

So Steve woke up with Jack this morning and at some point asked Jack if he wanted to go see Abby. Jack responded with his now trademark "Yeaaaah" (caught on video which I will upload soon).

So up they came (Abby had crawled into my bed realizing Daddy had left a vacancy). And Steve sat Jack down next to Abby and he proceeded to say "Ickle, ickle, eckle" as he clumsily tickled her. That's the first time in a long time I've heard him attempt that word. It was wonderful. Then he'd giggle and put his head down on hers (which was probably rather painful for Abby but it looked cute to us). This went on for a few minutes and he finally tempted her out of bed.

Other "words" he's saying before I forget:

Donawwld = Old MacDonald.
P'ieeabou= Peekaboo
Uh-Oh = Uh-Oh
Zzzzzzzz- Zzzzzzuh= Zoozie
Up=Up
Op=Open
Splsh= splash
Yuckh=guess
Uh-Uh-Uh= help me... okay that one doesn't really count.

A Bad Mother and Scrapbooker

So off I go scrapbooking away... I'm starting on Halloween 2008, looking through blog posts for pictures that were lost in the great drop-kick hard drive failure of 2008 and realized... I'd forgotten to scrapbook (or note) Abby's birthday at all. No "Oh shoot I have to order those prints" no "I feel like something is missing in September" just... passed right over it.

It's odd just how many things I have already forgotten about. How many random events are out there that have lost their place in my memory. That wasn't deep, that was an "I'm drunk with lack of sleep" comment. I should go to sleep NOW.

But I don't wanna.

Okay, off I go.

Three shoots tomorrow... everyone pray for inspiration!

Back to Scrap

I am mostly able to sleep, but am finding myself with large amounts of time waiting for my two munchkins to get to sleep. It is discouraging to go downstairs and assume Abby won't be coming down four times for a multitude of different reasons or Jack will suddenly lose his binky in the four foot square area of his crib.

So I've gotten the scrapbooking stuff back out. I was a little over a year behind when I started and now I'm up to August 2008. I'm dreading Christmas. I don't know why but I just didn't have a real train of thought for my photos last year... the result is a hodge podge of random Christmas photos.

But I'll just try to finish August for now. If I am more than a year behind when the baby gets here I'm lost especially since I had minimal to no organization in Snapfish at the end of last year and then I lost my hard drive so theres nothing to look through here.

I'd also love to get to Jack's baby book. We'll see how much I don't sleep.

Not that This Works...

As I always put here things I want to remember for future shoots and I never remember whether or not it's in here.

Anyway, I had as close as you can come to perfect shoot Friday morning with James Q who was so smiley and happy that I actually didn't have as many shots to choose from as I usually do since he was smiling in nearly every one, therefore rendering many of them too identical to use. What a problem to have, eh? Anyway, because he was smiley, because I knew what I wanted from the shoot and because I knew my light in that place, I didn't need to shoot as much or as long. Therefore, when it came time to edit, it wasn't overwhelming, just simple and happy.

I carried over the "shoot better and less" to my next shoot of the day for Dena and similarly, just did not need to spend as much time pouring over images making the editing process more straight forward and just plain nicer.

EVEN so I probably shot three times as many pictures as I needed to in both those sessions. I found myself clicking away and thinking... this is really not necessary, I got it three clicks ago.

So... go me... remember that.

Also I just have to keep a better eye on that clock. When we're charging a third of what other professionals are charging, keeping our time low is synonymous with keeping our spirits over this high.

Dear Future Kin: READ THIS FIRST

Well, I recently saw an Antiques Roadshow in which a journal by a soldier written during the Civil War was worth a bit of money only because he wrote about Lincoln's assassination on the day it happened and was a guard of some sort involved with the execution of the conspirators.

This is a note to let you know, don't bother printing out this blog and taking it to be appraised. I kinda purposefully don't talk about current affairs. Partly because everyone else's opinion bothers me, so I don't see why I would want to add mine. Partly because I myself am very very narrowly focused on me and mine.

So unless me mentioning seeing the "new" Star Trek movie on opening night which is antiquatedly old to you floats someone's boat (I liked it... alot)... you're out of luck.

But hopefully you'll enjoy getting to know your whatever I am to you. So sorry and better luck next time.

Maybe I'll try to write important things now and then. Big economic crisis happening at the moment. We're doing okay but I'm forcing Steve to drink water rather than get him special drinks from the store. There, that's got to be worth something.

I want to Do this...

Another mom at Abby's school is doing this project which now I want to do, but I don't know if I want to horn in on yellow right at the same time Jennifer is.

Maybe I'll start with red... AND maybe I'll start Monday.

Say Cheese

Sarah and I started talking about writing out a sort of guideline or helpful hint document to give to our clients or potential clients - talking about how to dress and how to focus their appointment to get the most out of us as they can.

Of course, being the somewhat reluctant professional that I am, talk turned to making some points in this document about the traditional "everyone look at the camera and say cheese" kind of family portraiture vs. the kind we like to do. That takes some qualification. Nothing makes me happier than getting a family in a nice piled up sort of pose all looking at me with their beautiful eyes sparkling and happiness flowing from them. But sometimes such things are not possible. OR, if they are, the blood-boiling it takes to get something even remotely close to it sucks the life out of your photoshoot and your time with me.

Please do not think I am talking about YOU in this post. Trust me we all (including myself) have done this sort of thing at one time in one degree or another. I am just trying to get a rough idea of what I want to say which is not offensive and is only off-putting to those who think the artsy style is cute but what they are really really after is "everyone look at the camera and say cheese."

My first thought was that I want people to really understand the product, I don't want to have to defend my style the entire time. When the photojournalistic style of wedding photography became popular were they still doing all the traditional shots just because it was expected? Probably.

Steve says that I absolutely have to defend my vision, it will actually strengthen that vision and prove there is a substance to what I see.

But the people that ask me to take their picture can't just be asking because we're cheap, right? Speaking of, if this becomes a real problem (customer expecting more traditional images) my brother suggested that we offer a choice. We can either charge them the actual going rate for professional photographers (about 250 for a session) if we strive to get "everyone say cheese" or we charge our current bargain basement price wherein that is our "portfolio" price so to speak - i.e. it's our art, yes we care to make the client happy, but we're artist first, commercial next. See, that just SOUNDS rude.

It's just that at some point we may need to do this for commercial mainly. We might need to put food on the table and all that sort of thing. At that point clients become blessings beyond anything. But as we're not there, and I never planned on being a working parent, I really need to get something that strengthens and feeds my heart out of this. And that means, having wiggle room to create something beyond the tradition. Not that I'm all that artsy - seriously people if you knew what really constituted artsy you'd think I was a librarian.

So that is where I'm at. For all my big talk I fully understand that my main real true problem is that I do desperately want the client to ADORE their pictures. Obviously if I really didn't care, none of this would affect me. But instead, to fall under their expectations just crushes me which is bad for an artist, but guess what, pretty much on par for an artist ;) ( trust me, I've been watching alot of Ovation TV).

So that's what I'm thinking about. I just have to fit that in somewhere between:
"Moms, pamper yourselves first, the kids always look adorable whether or not they are wearing matching shoes, your husband will just look all the more manly with a little stubble on his jaw, and you're the one who never gets to be in the picture, so make sure you feel gorgeous"

and

"When choosing what to wear, go to the extreme. If you want a casual feel, then wear completely simple clothes - white, black, jeans. If you want something that looks a bit more grand, wear the most formal thing you have. If you want to go colorful - go VERY colorful - like Orange! or Red!"

Eh

Time and Perception

This is one of those "parenting is hard" posts that threatens to get all cheesy, so beware.


TIME
We've all heard that it's important to get your own time once you are a parent lest you be swept away (you=the person that you are outside of being a parent, which, granted, at times seems non-essential when kids are tiny) by the tide of needs and your identity becomes meeting those needs rather than who you ARE. Note I didn't say who you were because look, parenthood changes you.

Anyway this weekend was the NFL draft and while some of you think that is not the cause for your weekend to come to a halt, that is the way it is around here. Of course Steve watched on Saturday he was also doing almost ALL our laundry and wrestling with Jack, so I wasn't complaining.

Jack is teething and almost constantly wanting Daddy to play - like really play - like full contact play. And when he doesn't want that he wants me to FIX him. And I don't know, I could just see both Steve and I lagging. We have a full couple weeks a head of us and this was the calm before the storm but, of course, with kids those "calm" times are well... relative. Steve and I talked later and I feel like another of those little columns of fine print that I didn't really truly understand before having kids was that as a parent, neither one of the parents has their own time anymore unless someone gives it to them.

I do think of myself as dependent as that as the mom of a baby for sure - but after awhile I don't think like that consciously, but it's still true. I mean sure, it's a semantics game if you say, well you can take the time by arranging for childcare, but really, it's still someone doing you a service, whether or not you are paying them.

I think that gradually this changes. As kids get older. But still, if you've got a child who is having a rough day and needs a basketball game, a walk, a cuddle, something... anything... that time is still theirs first. And anything else has to take a little nudge to the side.

This is why us moms get so completely obsessed with nap times and night times. Those times, even though we may still be in our own house are our only times that we definitely get our own space and am not depending on anyone (except our child ;) ) for it. It is bliss. It is recharge. It is essential. So give us a break when we become lunatics and need a few days to get over the fact that it really is okay that our 9 year old NOT take a nap anymore.

PERCEPTION

Again, I do not think Oprah rules the world, but she does have some things that do me and my family good now and then. One of them was reiterating some Maya Angelou quote about how a child is only ever wanting to know when their parent walks into a room "do you see me?" or some such thing. And the way either Oprah or Angelou expanded on the idea was that children are searching your face everytime they see you for that spark in your eye that says that they are special, that they are loved and accepted. And so often we parents do not see the seeking hearts, we just see the kid who hasn't gotten their shoes on like they were supposed to, or their hands that need washing or the hundred other things that don't matter to us at all in the long run.

Anyway, there was a time when Jack was younger when I would tell Abby she needed to stay wherever she was at the time while I put Jack to sleep for his nap (see above for how important naps are to moms). And she would come in anyway to tell me something she considered important enough to disobey for. And I would try to warn her off with a stern, angry, or exasperated look before Jack woke up and I started wailing in frustration.

It got me thinking that whatever she's thinking at that moment, whether she is aware she is disobeying or not, the force of Mommy's face directed at her is quite an impact. So about a year ago I switched it up. Of all the things I have consciously decided to do as a mom, I feel best about this change.

Now I smile at her conspiratorially and put my finger to my lips. And rather than say what she wants to say (which is what she would do before in defense of my angry look) she smiles back and tip toes into the living room. It's not all perfect peaches and cream, but a smile or (if she's done it twice) a sympathetic/concerned face which translated between her and I means "Are you okay because there must be something really wrong for you to interrupt and I would hate for you to get in trouble right now." So NOW there is always the implication that she actually does matter more to me than Jack's nap. Which, while nap is sometimes my only breath, is very true.

I feel better, she feels more loved, accepted and cared about, and Jack is just fine... until #3 comes and rips up the fabric of the universe again. Whoo hoo. New baby IS welcome and loved and all... it just really does rip one's heart out to love a child as much as I love mine. Oh well.

Whoops

I never posted a picture showing Abby's new toothless grin:

Boys and Girls

I just have such a girl...



and such a boy...


(yes this was the same day - within a half hour of each other - same location)

I find it fascinating.

Stress Headaches

I feel like such an idiot when I feel a stress headache blossom into the side of my head... because I am getting better at not freaking out in reaction to stress - but it is often my first initial response and even though I remember and calm down immediately - it's too late - the headache is there and there to stay for hours and hours.

One every day for four days now - usually during the days there are little reminders - bubbles almost of headache that make me remember - OH I don't want to get a headache, better chill out.  But then something will trigger the stress response in me at night and I'm ruined.

So annoying.

A Bone to Pick with Bones

Yeah, I'm sure I'm the first one that's use that turn of phrase since Bones came on the air.

Here's the thing. My mom gets incensed when a book is so close to being awesome and just misses in some area or another - charm, character, plot, balance whatever. I don't. I can take what I like from a book and pretend the other parts don't exist... gloss over them in my mind.

Oddly enough, that is NOT what I can do with tv shows. Perhaps because so much less is left to my imagination to interpret or fill in, I really can't stomach shows that don't work in all ways for me.

Bones for example is exactly the kind of book I would have loved (yes I know it IS a book series, I haven't read it), but from episode #1 the tension/friction/closeness; the Mulder/Scully relationship was way way way too pronounced way way way too early. They had run into each other before is what is implied in the first episode, but that doesn't help in my opinion. Yes they generally do and say all the "right" Mulder/Scully (or should I say Steed/Mrs. Peel who were much earlier ;) ) things, but it's empty because we don't have the years of build up.

With Mulder and Scully there was a reluctant flirtation maybe, but the sexual tension was way down on the list. NOTHING would happen between them for episodes or if there was anything in an episode it was A look, A comment and could oh so easily be ignored.

What goes on in recent shows trying to pick up a Mulder/Scully-esque audience is that they are playing up to that audience way too much - to the point where it's fluff. And honestly, as silly as this sounds when referring to pretend worlds - fluff is just not going to create quite the same sort of phenomena. There was no doubt - none - from the very beginning of Bones what they wanted the audience to see and feel - so much so that they practically just plain told us how we should feel about this "tension." While I know the rule "show not tell" is a writing mantra, it should be with any story.

They are also incredibly impatient. Way too much happens in every episode to progress a relationship that we all know they aren't going to progress. So it's all so empty because it never matters from one episode to the next.

The relationships I prefer of this nature are slow and steady. The assumption by everyone, for a multitude of reasons, is that these two cannot get together or will not. Sure, we know its television and it's always a possibility, and after a few years, we're really dang sure the powers that be are manipulating us with that possibility, but it's fun because so much of it is under the surface, left for us to imagine. In these shows they aren't just drawing out the inevitable because they know their audience will die off when the suspense does. It's certainly an incentive for them not to bring the two together, but the audiance at least as the illusion that there is more to it than that - and NOT a surprise ex-wife that shows up in the second season or some other manufactured road block.

In Bones, Booth & Bones' reasoning (which they allude to in every other episode in one way or another) is that a relationship would complicate their working relationship whether or not they stayed together. Fair enough... BASICALLY. Until whoops, Booth has a relationship with Cam which does not really complicate their work in or out of the relationship except for the tension with Bones. They are just fine, can work together, blah blah blah. So if Booth and Bones have so much more between them, what exactly is the fear here? Oh I know - they try to put fears in there - but its different from the sorts of roadblocks that are inherent. For example - in a recent Bones episode the crux of the problem is that Bones instantly respects Booth's alcoholic brother more than Booth because he is higher up in rank and therefore smarter in some way? It was weak, trust me... point being we're supposed to think that Bones' lack of respect for Booth would be a new deep gash in their relationship. Er... ok... well yeah, Bones came off as disgustingly pompous and superficial - but that same "issue" of smarts has been there since the beginning and never bothered him overmuch before (nor has she been particularly impressed with MILITARY rank before). UGH just SO manufactured.

The difference I can illustrate from X-files is that the complication wasn't JUST that they were partners working with each other - there were fundamental deeper problems - problems that aren't ever really going to be totally resolved, whether they are together or not. Mulder may trust Scully with his life, but he doesn't know how much she'll ever trust him - she's so skeptical that at times she has practically betrayed him (from his pov anyway). On the other hand, Scully knows that no matter how much she may mean to Mulder, she also knows he'll sacrifice anything and go anywhere in pursuit of his "truths." When they come together we still worry about these things and we know that through the YEARS that we have experienced with them that they loved each other in spite of these things.

In words, the two relationships may not seem all that different, but its in their integrity, their "show, not tell" that the two really stand apart.

It is all the more tragic because the couple episodes a season that are really designed to let us see the depth of their relationship (Bones) are fantastic. If I only cared one little ioda for their relationship, it would be just so awesome.

Anyway, after trying, really trying to just let the show catch up to it's own hype, I finally turned off the tivo.

Goodies

There are plenty of pictures of Abby and Jack that I love that just aren't good enough photographically speaking to post on the photography blog.
Abby in her favorite Gramma-sewn nightgown
Jack loves when I get him from his nap - he is giddily cute:
Jack stretching during a nap to find his stalker mom there ready to snap a picture:

I really have to...

get over this depression that comes over me the night before it's time to work at Abby's school.

I have a good time every time I work. I have noticed from day one what a difference it makes to be IN the school, part of the everyday routine, really seeing how everything works.

It's not just "oh good, this school is nice and good to Abby" - I also see the more public side of my little five year old. She can be just as rude to another child as other children have been to her and she can also be just as courageously nice as I've seen other children be with one another. It's a very balancing experience to be there. I see her outside the bubble of only our interaction/family. I also see first hand some of the incredible little victories she must have everyday without me.

I know she loves that I'm there. And that in itself is enough. REALLY. Seriously. It is.


It's just that I'm so very tired. And my brain doesn't seem to have much of an attention span.


BUT I'm always glad I've been there. In the three years Abby has been there I have rarely left a work day feeling yuck about the day. I can't remember ever really, but I don't want to sound too la-la about it.

Come to think of it, the routine, the ability to predict basically what happens at any given moment - it is easier to work at the school then to keep up with Jack-Jack. And I'm so lucky that my mom watches him so I don't have any concerns about what chaos he's causing with someone.

So there is no reason to get depressed.





I'm just so tired... have I mentioned it?

Why I can Be A Famous Photographer

Because I say unintentionally rude and snobby things about you in a photo I've taken because I'm talking about the PHOTO not about YOU. I'm annoyed the PHOTO didn't turn out perfectly amazing because you died your hair green, green is a lovely color on you - really, I just wasn't thinking about what I was SAYING. I'm annoyed I didn't tell you to stop snarling, I'm annoyed I didn't tell you you look thirty pounds thinner if I had just had you move an inch that way. I'm intending to critisize me not you!

Snaggletooth

Abby lost one of her front teeth last week. Quite a relief since both of them are loose and they were so wobbly together that it was disconcerting suddenly seeing her teeth at odd angles to each other. Of course now, with just one, it seems to be filling in space and looks almost to be in the center of the gap now as it wobbles freely. I keep thinking, it's got to come out soon!

Anyway when the first of the two fell out I reassured her with the idea that she would get a surprise under her pillow now. And she said, "It better not be money!" in the same tone I would say, "Abby, you'd better not be burying Jack under those pillows!"

What did she want then? A notebook with pens attached. Well, I said, that is a pretty big thing, that might have to wait til that second tooth falls out.

SO we're waiting and waiting and waiting... Abby is spending the night at Gramma's tonight and I found this waiting for me on my instant messenger:

Momma, I don't have much time until my tooth falls out and I might be away so you don't have time to get my notebook, but I want it to be a surprise. Also you need to buy me huge dolls and you tell glades to put them on my bed after she cleans (in the right order). I have a cough both day and night and if you want me to get better you will have to ask uncle aaron for some medicine and maybe that will help. I love you very much and will see you soon. Abby

Is it just me, or does that just make everyone's heart rip to shreds in maternal guilt, love, chagrin and aww factor?


update: it's OUT!!!

It's Another....

BOY!!!!

(we think)...

Okay, the tech lady was very serious about figuring it out, because I'm VERY early and "things" have a tendency to look pretty similar at this point. So at first we were noticing a lack of a certain little uh... guy part, but she (the tech) just wouldn't call it, so she had me turn and after some wriggling around, there was a waving little guy part. Tech lady was 100% certain boy. Once we moved, I agreed.

Steve didn't really see it - so he's not holding onto this 100% too closely. Obviously we're happy either way. Steve's doubt makes me a little nervous about going ahead with Abby's bed (if it were a girl we were going to make sure Abby's next bed had a trundle or bunk)... so maybe we'll wait a few more weeks for that.

The Discovery Channel

Ummm, so you all know Jack has a flirtation side right? I've mentioned it constantly.

Okay so Pearl came over for a playdate today. She and Abby sat at the little tea table for lunch. And Jack... Jack is apparently in love with Pearl. He came over and stood, just stood at her elbow while she ate, then tried to get her attention by laughing and bending over at the waist in his "i'm so happy" pose. Then, when that didn't seem to do much, he just started sticking his chest out at her, leaning into her and her chair.

It was quite caveman of him. It did not woo the girl, but I'll bet you any peacock in the neighborhood would have been toast.

Nuthin'

So, nothing's going on. I'm trying not to be quite so helpless in my pregnancy state now that I'm not quite so disabled. But my mind is still stunted to lump of grey matter state.

My book well has run dry and am now in the annoying position of WAITING for new books in a series to come out. There are three or four coming out as part of the series' I've started this year that have a new one set for this coming year. That's exciting.

My photography has dried up to mostly my kids again, but I do feel like I sort of need to stand back anyway and absorb what I learned in my little Christmas spurt. BUT I have no room on my computer so already my Easter pictures are languishing on cards put away until I can empty off my hard drive again.

Jack is really trying to talk, still loves to wrestle and laughs very literally at danger - particularly things like running unsteadily on the couch and getting up on the footstool. He is so ridiculously cute and in love with those who love him. He is also hilariously ticklish - like when I pick him up when he's already in a giggly mood, his armpits where I pick him up cause him to curl up in a giggling ball against my chest - not a terribly easy way to hold him, but its so funny. He is hugely offended by anyone who does not give him his way, but just turns his back and tries for something else. OH and he loves to play ball. He will literally just wander around the room throwing the ball forward so he can go get it and throw it again.

Abby Abby Abby is so very Abby. She still astounds me how much she loves to entertain Jack and boy does that boy giggle when she tries. She is all about pretend as she has been for several years now. And though she doesn't throw tantrums because we aren't doing something fascinating every moment of the day, she's still royally disappointed. She says things that are so sweet sometimes they are lost in translation like "Thank you God for your wonderful decision to create a world." She just wants so badly to be heard... and it's so very hard to really listen if you don't make the effort. Words run out of her mouth without her looking it seems, and to watch her try to untangle her own meaning makes me want to hug her with boa constrictor force.

Miss Janet asks parents not to talk about their next school until ANS is over because starting right about now as parents are making those preparations for next year, the little 4/5 years olds are getting anxious. Abby has already come out of nowhere with, "Momma, I think I like my old school best, I think it's best if I stay there. And I want to stay 5."

Awwwwh. Anxiety in kids is so sad... cute but sad. And yes, I know she'll be fine and she'll love every minute and all that... it's just scary until you get there.... for her... not me.... riiiiight. ha ha ... ha.

Anyway, I think I'm well on my way to gaining my hefty 30+ pounds again. Those first 2.5 months are always marked with weight loss since I lose my grip on life and the desire for any sustenance... but now the weight is steadily coming in. SIGH. It's FINE.

I took a walk with Abby and Jack a little before sundown because I needed some air and I was happily breathing in the cold air with the hint of chimney smoke in the air and I mentioned to Abby how good the air smelled and she said, "Yeah, it kind of gets in my nose though."

This is positive that there isn't anything going on. Because it means I'm not really stressed or worried or anxious about anything. My biggest struggle (besides patience I'm short on while pregnant) is trying to enjoy any part of this pregnancy that I can since all I really am looking forward to is "birth"day. I LOVE that day. I love those first snuggly wonderful sleepy days. The leading up to it is such a pain in the neck... but yes I know, I know, my actions leading up to it will help guarantee it to be the wonderful "birth"day that I expect, yeah yeah... I just want to be there... but ... of course... change that effects my other loves of my life scares me a little too. Honestly, the thing I'm looking forward to the most is that first day- when I'm still in the hospital, Jack won't even care that I'm gone, Abby will be excited but just fine without me for a night, the nurses take care of me, there's no real pressure yet... just the long stretch of quiet hours that I get to stare at the new baby while I heal and the baby gets it's sealegs so to speak. No, I haven't forgotten the contractions after birth or the awful sometimes humiliating parts to being wounded in this particular fashion. But none of that matters compared to just getting to hold the baby - to being baby's first kiss and first staring competitor and first cuddle and first eskimo kiss and... and... sigh... 6 more looooonnnnnng months.

Once I'm home - that's when the panic sets in. I'm scared for Jack's transition, he loves me so much (as I love him so much), and I worry about him having this constant new competitor for my lap. Luckily the Moby Wrap makes that so much easier - he might not even notice I'm wearing the baby the whole time.

But the funny thing is - the impatience to get to that first day overrides the panic. Even when I type about it, I want to flick away that part - just focus on how annoyed I am I'm not at that first day.

ha.

SO I push all that away and try to hold on and savor and set into my memory like stone what it is to be THIS family, to be totally in love with my little flirt who is so totally in love with me, to be able to really focus on Abby now that Jack is more independent... to give honor and time to THIS time.

Happy and Sad and Scared and Excited and Nothing much in particular.

Box Tickets... always awesome

Jack looks like he has been hitting the sauce in that last one, oh well.

My Spring Break Adventure

I've been wanting to get a lot of use out of our Disneyland pass especially since Abby now has more stamina and (if Steve is there anyway) is eager to try new rides. But having cutee bo-booty Jack around makes it impossible for me... now that I'm "with child" again.

More than just go to Disneyland, I've wanted to stay at the Grand Californian. BUT I kind of didn't want to make it a big deal. Ha. I know.

SO whilst thinking of what fun thing I could do with Abby for Spring Break since all I really wanted to do was sit at home with no deadlines and appointments... I thought - well, what if I got my mom to come with me to stay over night at the hotel and go to the parks with the kids?

I asked her like three days before we went ahead and went. Much as a dozen people ran through my head to ask if they wanted to meet up with us while there, I knew I wasn't up for that. We needed to be at our own beck and call, on our own timeline... and we needed to freedom to give up and just go back to the hotel.

SO I learned a lot about what I want to do next time, but even so, this time was pretty dang cool.

Next time:
I wouldn't worry about bringing too much stuff as you literally pull up to the hotel - I honestly expected to have to tram our luggage and lug it through Downtown Disney to get to the hotel.

I would come up later in the afternoon when the room was definitely ready so that the "retreat" back to that room could literally happen anytime we wanted.

I would stay 2 nights.

That's about all I would change (except obviously having Steve there to join in the family frolic)

We got there around 11am and left our luggage with the porter until the room was ready. They were able to take care of getting my mom's block out day ticket (I checked MY block out dates but forgot to check hers!) and that had been one of my worst case scenario things... like we have to lug our luggage then wait a half hour in line for my mom to get her temp ticket. But the front desk was great, they had the cute little mini mission chairs set up in front of a cartoon so the kids were spellbound and more than happy.

We spent all day in California Adventure.



We did the ladybug spin ride, the Heinrich catapiller ride, got a tortilla (of course), spent a lot of time at a funny in between noise-making station that I'd never ever noticed before and spent... an hour and a half in the little water park area. The kids were wet (in Abby's case SOAKING wet), but no worries, I was optimistic that the room would be ready.

Snort. Or not.




And it wasn't a HOT day by a long shot. So rather than go to the hotel, retrieve our suitcase and get the clothes I had prepared for her, I instead got her a new outfit. I know. Awful. But I kind of had a rule in my head that I wouldn't go that route unless I really did like something. And I did. AND there were fuzzy winter crocs for 40% off (her shoes were soaking too - we really hadn't thought the water park portion of the day through - but both the kids were enjoying themselves too much to worry over it, so I paid the consequence). AnD I had a coupon from our passport renewal too that worked.

Anyway, it all would have worked out pretty nicely if the crocs had FIT. BUT instead we went to the child's hospitality center, dripped all over their floor, changed clothes with difficulty since Abby's skin was damp as well ;) and then, realized:

a) I hadn't bought underwear
b) The shoes didn't fit.

SO off I ran back, leaving my mom with the kids in the hospitality center and the exchange went through without incident and all was well...

Jack has this way of involving his whole body in his emotions-
When he is happy he either throws both his hands over his head like this, which I translate as, "I'm overwhelmed this is so great"


or he bends at the waist in a sort of,
"I can't stand it anymore, it's so great"




At this point everyone was hungry and Abby was whiny. I had one of those "two roads diverged in a yellow wood" moments where she was being unreasonable and unacceptable and I could either bring down the parental thunder or diffuse the whole thing somehow - except I didn't know how because I was beat and tired and hungry and whiny myself. I said, "I'm going to count" but not as in "by three you're going to stop or get in trouble" but as in, I needed to count to ten before I threw my own tantrum. So I started... then, wanting to distract her like one does with little children - by six I started adding "six... I'm looking forward to getting food, seven... I'm looking forward to getting water, eight... I'm looking forward to getting our hotel..." I mean I was really not being brilliant here, I was convincing myself to calm down, but as she heard the extras she started smirking and looking expectantly up for the next thing, and THEN I finally got the clue and added in funner, kid things, "nine... I'm looking forward to a treat... ten..."

And sure enough the blood vessel throbbing in my head started to loosen and Abby happily got out of her "heels dug in" posture and wanted me to do the counting again.

Thank you God for looking after impatient and whiny moms.

Anyway, so off we went to the longest wait at a hot dog stand that ever was made by anyone. And I didn't even WANT a hot dog. IiiIII wanted room service. But the room might not be ready and I was starving... and as soon as we finished... the room was ready. BAH.

BUT reinforcements had arrived. MarySue drove up after a full day of her own and I really think the trip would have looked a bit more like a bust if she hadn't shown up. We went into the hotel, refreshed ourselves slightly (retrieved some non-water-park-logged-undies fo Abby) and decided I would put Jack down for a nap while the grandmas took Abby out on the town.

Off they went. By the time we all met up for dinner again, Jack had napped, I had napped, the room's heater had been fixed, Abby was almost ready for bed and I was so glad we were there for the night.

We had a great dinner and went upstairs to let Abby watch "Princess Bedtime Stories" on one of the tv channels twenty times until she was comatose. We let Jack play ball until HE was comatose... my mom went to the guest laundry to dry Abby's sopping wet clothes and all in all we were ready for bed.

Jack slept through the night except for a single shriek every two hours. Abby LOVED her bunk bed until the middle of the night when sleeping horizontally between me and my mom was just too tempting.

We had a bit more of a rushed morning once we finally got in the park than was planned - but it was one of those things. I had thought that we should pack and put our stuff down at the porter's again, but then I thought, eh, we have plenty of time... and then suddenly we didn't.

Jack, after sleeping ALL night, then going BACK to sleep when he got up must have been in such a sensory overload coma this morning he just didn't snap out of it until we were finally resolved that we really were going to leave

Despite the fact that Abby started crying ten minutes after first entering the hotel room yesterday because we were only staying one night and she was already in love (it was as sweet a "fit" as one can have), she was a joy to give such an adventure to.


There's something so sad about that last look at your hotel room, isn't there?

We made it home. I am tired. Gramma and Zoozie are fabulous. Steve is awesome because while we were playing he was moving his closet. He's a star. I'm going to burn some cookies for him (no that's not a euphemism).

Way to Go Canon.

It is so nice when something that does not need to be hassle but certainly has the potential to be... Isn't.

Sometime early in our Hawaii trip my fixed 50 lens stopped working. I hadn't even had the opportunity to take it to the beach to do something stupid like drop it in the sand or throw it in the water.

Someone suggested humidity might be a problem.

I procrastinated sending it in because it seemed a hassle to pack it up. I finally did, because I'm sorry but no other lens IIII have anyway is as magic as the 50 for fast moving kids and sparkling eyes.

Canon sent me a notice to let me know it would be fixed free of charge within a week and it was.

Done and done.

Thank you Canon.

Strike when the Iron...

Now, before you read this and think "Poor Steve" I would like to point out that a) I asked him first and b)it's all his fault for HAVING the idea in the first place.

You know how I'm always saying that Steve is always right? You may ridicule an idea or theory he is adamantly sticking to today, but I guarantee it's time alone he needs to be proven right. It's thoroughly frustrating. Well, I guess I've found the other side of the coin for him

We were brainstorming what we want the downstairs to be. As many of you know it is a sort of dungeon at the moment. No... dungeons are far too peaceful to be compare to our downstairs. I love our downstairs. But it's not finished. It's not even close to where it will someday be. Cement walls cause difficulties as does the under-earth darkness and huge unworkable space.

But someday... people... someday... it's going to be AWESOME.

Anyway so as usual, my first reaction to all three of Steve's more rigorous ideas was a sigh and a speech about how that wasn't feasible, wouldn't work, would be too much money, I didn't like it... etc. etc. etc. BUT it may have taken ten years, but my mind has finally reconciled to the idea that Steve is usually... if not always... right... so maybe I should think before I speak.

No, No, NO... he can't be right this time...

We have contractors over to bid and not only do the contractors agree with Steve... but the bid is something we can handle... we're not sure we WANT to put money out into the world right at this moment in time, but we COULD if we were ready.

Basically what it all boils down to today is that Steve's master plan includes that we turn the back office (currently a closet and catch-all for everything and nothing) into a play room, close off the awkward space beside it and make that Steve's office. The master plan includes a couple new doors and a lot of other neat things.

My main complaint about this plan is that the kids hang out where WE are, and that is usually in the living room where the tv is. We originally HAD that back room as a play room. Okay, not originally, but sometime between now and then and it didn't work. Abby just took the toys from that room INTO the living room and never back and it was never organized and blah blah blah.

We put a tv in there, Steve explains. I squint at him. Hmm... I still think it won't work unless I'm in there with... OooOOOH. So basically it's just like regular life just in a different room. Ooooh. Hmmmm. Okay... this could work.

Except of course who knows when we'll do the construction and who knows when it will be complete and blah blah blah.

BESIDES, I whine to you, I'm pregnant. I'm more tired than I usually am, food doesn't sit well with me, I have a pot belly the size of a soccer ball already and I am cranky and...

But I've been feeling a little better and there was an organization special on Oprah in which the old Clean Sweep guy - Peter somebody? who I like alot, said something like "As soon as you lose your flat surfaces you've lost the battle" or something like that. And I scoffed... yeah, I never had the flat surfaces under control... you're crazy... that's what flat surfaces are FOR.

But it made me stare long and hard at the table we use downstairs... how it is so frustratingly full of stuff... I don't even KNOW what makes it so cluttered.

And I discussed with Steve my plan. Our goal goal goal is to keep the house tidy for two week intervals (because Gladys comes in two week intervals)... we can usually make it 4 days to a week and then the place looks like I let four kids come in and play hockey with granola. So, especially when I'm pregnant, even though I shoot for that two week goal, I'm very aware I ain't going to make it.

BUT I thought... (and suggested to Steve) maybe we could reclaim our most major flat surface offender. If we could do that for two weeks, that would make a big difference in daily life.

Steve was amenable and everything seems fine right? If you're saying "poor Steve" already you obviously don't know me very well.

So then I tell my mother (who no doubt secretly has nightmares about her daughter's lack of organization passion) the plan, thinking she'll be very proud of me.

"I know what your problem is, it's the laundry."

And we go into a mock yelling fight over the real problem and I point out what Sarah made me re-realize when we went out to dinner and that is, I am without passion for organizing the house because most of it is still so totally far away from where it's going to be. And I don't know if its going to be next month or next decade that we do anything about it. So it's almost as if we're living out of boxes, living in a house that might as well just be down to the studs for how we see most of the downstairs in particular. I can't put up my art/photos downstairs because their style is meant for the future downstairs not the current. I can't do the same in the bedrooms because we're going to be playing musical bedrooms sometime in the next year. When? I dunno, but not yet. Not for maybe a year... which is too long not to try to make things better and too short to decide to spend enough money just make things beautiful as they are (if that makes sense).

So my mother and I brooded at one another for a while. And then I narrowed my eyes again. Steve's plan for the playroom, with the exception of a possible addition of another doorway, would leave that room essentially as it is in structure. SoooOOoo... if we worked on that room...fixed it the way we want it... it would be really truly finishing a room.

We sketch out the plan... discover we're going to have to do something about Steve as he currently is using a corner of that room as a closet.

I call Steve, explain our plan... he's excited about it, he starts thinking about his closet options and we hang up.

THEN... my mother and I strike while I have the energy, will and Jack's nap on my side.

Steve gets home a few hours later to a cleaned out room (with the exception of his closet area which we promise to leave until we figure out what he's going to do... but... we do point out the daybed we're going to put back down there as a couch option won't fit until he moves his clothes, but really, no rush, no rush, we swear).

SO Steve will move his clothes back into our room (which will eventually be Abby's room). I moved my clothes to Jack & future baby's room (which will eventually be ours). Tomorrow... we do more.

If I can move.

I'm tired.

And yes I know Steve is awesome... it's his own fault for being right.

My Literal Girl

One of the many many wonderful things about lunch bunch (extra two hours 10 kids get to spend at school which is quite the status symbol in pre-school) is that they always do a craft. I'm sure lots of pre-schools always do lots of crafts but our very free-form pre-school tends to let children use their free time how they wish during their day to day lives, whether that be running, jumping or climbing trees. There are a few crafts they all have to do but that's really neither here nor there.

POINT being, Abby decorated a frame on Tuesday. She's very proud of her frame and asked if I could find a picture for her frame. Sneaky photographer that I am, I suggested we take one right then. "Sure!" she agrees in her piping voice.

Ah, but she wins again. You see, she wanted the FRAME that she was planning on filling with this picture to be represented in the picture. Can't you just see her thinking, "Check... and Mate."



think of me what you will, you'll notice I held up my side of the bargain:

literally: