Man Vs. Wild

Okay, too funny - Will Ferrell with Bear. They didn't really do a pre-interview but it seemed Will was overwhelmed fairly quickly by the extreme conditions. He did plenty of joking but also a lot of just plain looking beat & cold. At the end he mentioned a couple times how cool it was to do these dangerous things he'd never have done in another circumstance and that despite the difficulties he valued the silence and the being in nature. I'm sure some people are going to find what Will said cheesy and fake, but I for one believed him.

It made me think of Steve and how his day is so consumed with focusing on what is he working on now, how can he make it new/exciting/better, what's coming next, how to juggle the different projects and then add to that of course get home asap to rescue his cranky pregnant wife from the life she always wanted. I don't feel bad about this so much as want for him an escape like that. He might get that where he is now and then on the ship - I think anytime you're away from your family (this sounds awful) the pressure on your shoulders is cut in half. I know he's working hard, I got a note he was shooting til midnight last night. But I do hope that if there are down times that those famed beautiful Alaskan landmarks give him a few moments of that peace.

And it sort of ties into how I've been feeling. Steve's away again obviously and while on the one hand that stresses me out because I am (in theory) doing everything by myself (that is not the case especially since I strained my foot pretty ugily Saturday evening so my mom is helping even MORE than she'd planned). But what I'm finding in my relative peace (when the kids are asleep and I have no more energy for sorting clothes or toys) is that I also feel a bit freer - BUT on that same note, I'm finding I miss Steve more. And I miss him as a person rather than as a helper/parent etc. Not because he doesn't do so much (he does a ton) but because I'm not focused on "what can he do for me/jack/abby/house" right now, I just plain feel his absence and miss him.

I am feeling more and more as I get older how well I chose in marrying Steve... or ... at least how well I accepted God nudging me toward him all those years ago. I can't say I did such a great job choosing because I was betting against him most of the time - until just boom... ANYWAY I find myself lonely amongst my loving community sometimes but as this time marches on I find I'm only beginning to appreciate how well Steve does know me... there are so many roles we play and Steve knows all mine better than anyone. He's just not the type to sit down and wax on about how well he does. And so sometimes I forget.

Anyway... Go Will Ferrell!