Hammerheads Day One

Okay, well, not much to say. Everything is going well. Everyone is nice and extremely kind with Abby and about Abby. Things started off slow because they wanted to get a shot with Abby and there was noise and everyone was waiting and blah blah, but once they let go of some of that, she loosened up immediately. The only issue really was her wanting to play with everyone and getting in the way and all that sort of thing. BUT tomorrow she'll have an adventure with MarySue and Thursday we'll have some issues again, but we'll see if we can prepare better now that we know what it will be like. Abby really was very patient and eventually set up her own private screening area through one of the windows.



SO they were eager to demolish the old structure. It seemed to go really fast, especially getting it to near skeletal condition.
They did some shots where the host's leg goes through the second story floor which was funny. They were also well aware of how and where it would go down so that was nice not to have to worry about that.

By lunch they were working with a clean slate.

They were fascinated with our next door neighbor's underground pool and took a tour right after lunch.

The rest was really just for the show - they may redo some of the stuff they did at the very end just to get it a little more perfect tomorrow. By stuff I mean construction not shots.

Abby was very interested in talking to the host just exactly the way everyone wanted her to, but they didn't really have things prepared for her - so by the time they realized she was talking to him animatedly it was almost too late, by the time they got the camera and sound there it was way too late. BUT finally one of the sound guys had the idea to put a mic in her teddy bear and have the shot all ready when we brought Abby into it and they got what they wanted... EXCEPT for Abby saying "Hammerheads" This ended up being the day's project (Abby knew we wanted her to say it but didn't quite trust WHY) until finally one of the carpenter's had her say it as part of a "Knock, Knock" joke.

It was lucky it was NOT Father's Day though as any time they tried to cajole her into saying something involving daddy she would say, "Daddy's not very good at building." Which was odd really because I never say that sort of thing!!!

So I think for the show the day ended really well. For us it was great too... I'm tired and I did practically nothing!

Tomorrow is a work day only (no cameras) and then Thursday we go again.

It's Important not to hit people with strollers

So we're having this issue where Abby accidentally hits one of us or throws something when we're not paying attention or falls on us or something like that and a good part of the time she really cutely says, "Oops, my fault, I'm sorry about that, that was my fault."

The other part of the time - I think when our reactions are stronger she says it wasn't her - the floor came up and slapped him or a similar sort of thing. I don't think it's a lie to get out of punishment, I think it's a lie because she feels so guilty and doesn't want us or herself to believe that she did it... scared of judgment?? I don't know. But I'm afraid other people will take it as a plain old nasty lie and so I obviously would like to curb her away from doing it.

Anyway, she gets irrationally upset (as if we are calling her a liar - which we aren't) when we tell her that, no, we saw her and it's okay but she did it.

The only idea I've had so far is to point out whenever I accidentally do something that "See, Mommy didn't mean to spill that on the floor, but I did, oh well, I'll clean it up." OR like when we were getting in the car with a stroller I couldn't figure out how to fold up so I tried to fit it in the back with Abby but when I closed the door on it it jammed into Abby's leg... So right then I told her how awfully awfully sorry I was and that it was my fault and I didn't mean to do it and I'm so sorry that I did.

SO we're on the way home from somewhere today and Abby rips a page in a book that we told her to be careful of and she says she didn't do it - it was just a pretend rip. And we started in on the whole taking responsibility even if it's an accident and it's okay blah blah blah. So this is how it went:

Me: Like remember when I accidentally hit you with the stroller? I didn't mean to do that, but I did, and I was really sorry and I told you that.
Abby: Yeah, you hit me with the stroller.
Me: I know, and I'm so sorry I did that. Did I say I was sorry?
Abby:Yeah. You shouldn't hit people with strollers.
Me: I know, it was an accident, I won't do it again.
Steve: So, Abby, you see? It's okay if you do something wrong, you just have to tell the truth about it. It's very important. Right?
Abby: Yeah, it's really important not to hit people with strollers.
Steve: Yes, but what else is important?
Abby: It hurt my knee.


*sigh*

My Daughter, the Pirate

So, here I was, minding my own business upstairs while I listened to Abby happily singing along with Little Einsteins downstairs. She comes upstairs, very excited and says I have to come downstairs. I do.

She is brimming with pride as she shows me what she's done: create pirate lions (lines) for a map to a treasure!

D'oh, one problem. She did it on the rug... in permanent marker. Yeah!




I have now medicated myself with half a pouch of Grape flavored Big League Chew I found abandoned in the cupboard and made myself muffins.

Steve will be proud to see that she actually tagged the map. There is a nice "A" and "B" and a "Y" not pictured here. She did the whole 8'x10' rug. It was quite a map. Some days I just wish I liked alcohol.

If Men Only Knew

As many of you know, Steve is not exactly ... hmm... known for his soft side. Not that he doesn't have one! But, it comes out pretty rarely.

Anyway he filmed a wedding a couple weekends ago and we were talking about it and he mentioned something like, "I can't do weddings anymore." I expected him to continue with how fake they can be or how mundane or how repetitive. But instead, "I can't see the father daughter dance without thinking of Abby and how that would be. And I'm not ready to share her yet."

He may know that that turns me to sentimental goo, but he sure doesn't use it to his advantage much!

3 Under-Used Romantic Gestures:

1. cleaning the kitchen with a good attitude
2. loving the kids/giggling with kids/taking kids on adventure so mom can veg
3. discussing a completely girly topic

Steve actually does do all three in spades, but he doesn't yet recognize their power.



.....................................................................................................................(Abby trying to climb up and over Daddy as he threatens to dunk her)................................................................................................

Obviously they must beat him...

He just looks so miserable, doesn't he?

Oprah and Prejudice Test/Bias Test

http://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/study.html

So, if y'all watched Oprah today you will have heard of this. Basically it's a test to gauge what your initial knee-jerk bias is between African American and European American ethnicities. This has more to do with culture than you personally so don't get stressed out if you get a moderate bias.

The guy who helped develop the test (who is half black) got a 'moderate bias toward European American people' as do many people of many cultures because we generally live in a media world that is moderately biased at best, at least in representation. Therefore, whether we intend to or not, we develop certain associations and this test is supposed to measure that.

Anyway, I'm starting to treat this test like a computer game and have gotten two results of moderately biased toward EA, two slightly biased toward EA, two little to no bias either way, a slight bias toward AA, and just now a moderate bias toward AA (without intentionally messing with the answers obviously)

I do not think this shows the test is faulty, I think it shows I'm quite good at turning it into a computer game. After doing the test twice I thought - this is just total bunk because it disorients how you've trained your fingers to answer the questions two times and so it seems possible that I got a stronger result just because my fingers reacted faster than my brain.

But then, as I repeated and repeated the test I did notice my brain wanting to classify the pictures in a slight biased way. It was interesting.

Then again, the same thing happened this last time when I turned out quite prejudiced against white people.... I had a hard time classifying the good words with the white people. So... maybe it's all bunk anyway.

I haven't decided. But it's interesting all the same. There is a gender one too I'd be fascinated to take but it's off line at the moment.

Actually, it was so so Amazing...

Abby's first ballet was, as the title suggests, quite fantastic (the title of this blog is Abby's response to Gramma when Gramma said the recital was entertaining). I could not fit the photographic journaling of this event in a blog so you all will be receiving a snapfish album shortly.

Leaping Lizard!

That is my new name for the baby in my belly. During the last ultrasound first thing baby did was a somersault. Then proceeded to have quite a grand time moving all over the place.

Today we saw the new OB that I fought getting tooth and nail (with many tears). Not that I adored my normal OB so very much, but I knew what to expect and that is important to me (abnormally so).

Anyway, new OB...is... fantastic. He's great. He's phenomenal. I love him.

We did have a little blip in the appointment when two nurses couldn't find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler - so we got an automatic ultrasound which was fun since Steve wasn't there for the leaping lizard one. But nope, there was baby, heartbeat just fine... personally I think baby was sleeping and didn't want to be disturbed via doppler.

Sooooo... that's the haps. Next ultrasound in two months should tell us boy or girl (that's August for those of you counting).

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme

I want this lense... badly

Julia Turns One

Our Goddaughter reflects on her first year. She acknowledges that she hasn't yet reached her full potential as a high powered fashion mogul, but she allows that the ageism that currently holds her back will certainly not crush her spirit.

Sympathy Pains...

The last week, after months and months of no accidents and complete faith in herself potty training, Abby has regressed so much that on Friday she had perhaps four accidents. She seemed so confused and at a loss herself (half the accidents came as a complete surprise, half as she tried to get to the toilet) that we were actually afraid that there was something physically wrong.

Well, we were at a party (as my next post will explain) today with everything Abby could ever want in a party (kids, toys, chips, and cake) and she was her old self. She only used the facilities once and only when she needed to. Until both Steve and I were occupied at which time she went to the bathroom and was so sad she just let herself have an accident right there on the floor.

I e-mailed her pre-school teacher, realizing now that this must have to do with all the changes she feels in the air and got this response, which I thought I'd share because it makes me feel both immense sadness and immense happiness:

Hi Adrea, just to let you know it's perfectly "normal" for Abby to regress a
bit, and maybe even more when the baby arrives and Abby figures out that the baby is actually
staying. The best advice I can give you is to be consistent, calm, patient and do not get
upset at Abby.  Be reassuring when she has an accident.  Be loving, yet firm and remind
her that pee goes in the toilet.  Don't talk excessively about her accidents.  Carry a change
of clothes with you. This is the time she needs to know that mom and dad are here for her.
It's a little scary for her, she doesn't know what to expect and she certainly has no real
concept of what a sibling is.  Try to have time with her without talking about the baby
unless she brings it up.  Making individual time for Abby, whether it's mom or dad is
important.  

It makes me feel good because we never talk about the baby in front of Abby and with the plethora of loving family around her she often has quality alone time not just with mom and dad but with everyone in which she is the center of attention and importance in the world (just as it should be for her to feel right now). But it makes me sad because even with all that, even doing everything generally right (I know she must have felt our frustration/confusion at the regression, but we didn't rub her nose in it or get upset) - even loving her as well as we have, I do believe this is a scary time for her. And I do do do do want her to feel like we're there for her and we have her back.

Of course I know this isn't bad for her, of course I know struggle and sadness and even failure is good in it's own way. But I'm a mom and I'm allowed to still feel sad about realizing my daughter is feeling something so deeply that it's coming out in this way.

BUT in addition to sad and glad, I also feel very hopeful. I am feeling much better, though I should really be making better choices about getting to sleep earlier... so I feel capable of being better for Abby. Steve, now that we have Miss Janet's words just give us a blueprint, a road map is going to - I don't know if I can find a word for it. He is going to empower Abby like only he can. When he has purpose and he knows what's wrong - he is the best fixer around. It was the confusion that was so hard, the not knowing if we're supposed to insist or ignore or start all over with the potty training or WHAT.

SO now, Abby will be feeling peace, acceptance, compassion, and purpose from us when she looks to us. I am excited to prove to Abby that she'll never lose that from us.

Clever Smlever

I don't WANT a clever ending, I want a satisfying ending. I will give you many many extra dollars by taking other people to a movie with a satisfying ending and buying your movie and renting your movie just to show support. Stop with the clever. You'll never be totally original. Just be good and stop catering to the people who just want a cheap thrill of something different. Shock is fleeting. Satisfaction... why look at that... satisfaction lasts and gets you more money!

(Departed, though I have my issues with the 'surprise death,' still had a satisfying ending.)

Sheesh.

Prepping or Bribing?

Abby and I have had two play dates in the last two days. One at a house which was perfectly suited for both the girls that lived there and for kids to come and play. The other at my house and I've decided we're definitely lacking in the 'stuff to do with other kids' arena.

We have lots of books, we have stuffed animals but apparently we need:
Dress up clothes for kids
Dress up clothes for babydolls
mini strollers for said babydolls
...
that's mostly it.

During play dates they don't seem to play games, they just play 'house' or 'fantasy' in general... and we're not prepped for that.

PLUS we need a backyard... preferably minus the coarse dirt, scary tool shed, and assortment of construction materials left behind by various projects.

A fine mess...

Steve and I have not been good about getting sleep. We both couldn't function Monday morning. I took up all my Abby pre-school free time sleeping. So we decided to be good tonight and were in bed, lights out by 10pm.

Only problem? I've been in bed an hour and still no sleep.

I find I fall asleep best to Snapped episodes, have to see if there are any tivo'd.

I may be... may be getting a small amount of what sanity I once had back slowly... day by day. Tonight I actually had a nice normal loving thought about Steve. Yes, yes, I realize how that sounds. But it's not that I've been unhappy with him, it's just that even the good thoughts I have had since my second month of pregnancy or so have been hormonal... overly sentimental... inhuman if you will...

There's still a long way to go. At this moment, though I am already excited/emotional about the idea of having another little wriggly baby to cuddle in December, I am also pretty darn sure I would prefer not to ever be pregnant again. I crave my own special brand of normalcy of sanity that won't be here anytime soon even if I don't feel this awful the whole time.

Once again, just like with marriage, just like when we were pregnant with Abby and after we had her I marvel at what in the world did we do with all our time before? In this case, why was I ever tired before this pregnancy? Why isn't the entire house completely done? It's ridiculous how much time we waste going about our daily lives that we don't seem to care much about until we realize we won't have the freedom to waste that sort of time for years to come.

In other news, Abby is still cute.

Unembellished News Items...

Abby had her first ride in a convertible.
Steve and I switched closets since I had more hanging room and he had more hanging clothes.
Somehow in the process Steve rearranged both Abby's room and the upstairs guest room.
I switched primary care physicians in order to get an OB to deliver at our normal hospital.
I have my first appointment with my new OB June 4th whom, after all this trouble shares a waiting room with my old OB.
I have blood tests at the end of this month to check for things.
I am generally okay until 4 or 5 pm rolls around at which point I go downhill fast.
We are mold free.
Steve, Hazel and I are apparently starting a Sunday School class just because we only like each other.
My kitchen is a mess.
Abby is very close to dressing herself.
Abby has started using the bicycles with the 'big' kids at school.
Abby has her ballet recital the first weekend in June which I will be missing. But a Scheidler will film it.
I have to be very careful what I say if Abby has an accident as yesterday when I said, 'We don't want another one' she then proceeded to run to the bathroom every thirty seconds just to be sure.
Abby hoards things in my unused maternity clothes box.
I had the weirdest dream this morning that my neighbor was in my garage commenting on it's emptiness and I discovered by trying to affix the tarp back over the entire house that she's been making outfits for all the mice and critters that she also apparently has created a tunnel for between her house and ours.
I love gloomy rainy days.
Abby makes funny faces

Signature

She's been able to type her name for a while (granted with a few extra aaaa's), but now she can write her name all by herself. I am utterly proud.

Snapped!

Did I tell you all Steve and I are currently obsessed with the show 'Snapped' which is about women who kill. They snap you see ;).

It is fascinating in several ways. Firstly how truly awful 99% of these women are. Secondly, my reaction to the other one percent - like *shrug* yeah, that was a good call. Thirdly how very very bad these people are at committing murder.

This one woman was home free until they pulled up her cell phone records to find that while she was trying to give herself alibis all over the place by calling people as if she were home she neglected to understand cell towers know where you are. Pshaw. DUH.

Steve and I have become quite snobby about murder now. We're unimpressed by most of these women's attempts to cover themselves. But hey some of them get points for ingenuity.

On a serious note it is also often times very very very sad because there are kids involved. Sigh. Murder is a bad idea everybody - and apparently harder to cover than you'd think so just CHILL out and take a bath instead.

Gramma's Picture Day

Eleven Years and counting...

Since Steve and my first date. In that time we broke up several times, graduated college, got married and conceived two children... hmm. Seems like we should have a whole brood by now. Oh well.

The Games...

Food is an issue. Nothing sounds good. Nothing smells good. If I manage to want to eat something and it goes down all right I am immediately sorry I managed to eat that thing.

I go to the kitchen to eat. I don't want to, but I know that if I don't the hunger pains are worse than nausea. I feel entirely bloated and unable to eat a bite of anything. I decide, I don't need another meal.

I get into bed. I realize the hunger pains are right around the corner. I go back to the kitchen. My stomach repeats it will not tolerate another meal.

No manipulation intended, but so far the only thing that can consistantly satisfy are the old stand bys: fruit punch, dry top ramon noodles, cheerios and burnt fudge.

I should mention that the nausea is better thanks to the seasickness wrist bands but that hasn't helped the food portion of the issue - I am just able to actually function now. Which is huge. Who needs food anyway?

Say what you want about Oprah...

she has things on her shows that I care about.

Well, that's a generality - trust me for every show I'm thrilled to see there are four that I couldn't care less about. Half the time it really has very little to do with Oprah herself - sometimes I like her, sometimes she's horribly ridiculous and sometimes she's annoying, but there is something about the show that connects with me.

As you all know I've been preoccupied with my nausea to the point where I have had a difficult time getting my thoughts passed it. Well, my little Blockbuster netflixy sort of thing just started delivering the Oprah 2oth anniversary thing that was on my list and watching the 'best of' really helped get my brain back.

My Ballerina

Peanut in the Oven

And so it begins. Abby's sibling is 7.5 weeks old and has a fluttery-fast heartbeat.

So, if you've been wondering why I've been melancholy and tight-lipped recently... the answer is that I've been more nauseous than human recently.

Sorry for the secrecy - believe me it was harder on me than you. I don't do secrets - I'm generally opposed to them actually and sure enough, trying to keep one was annoying as I would much rather whine loudly than suffer silently.

Talking and typing both make me want to hurl. As does drinking and eating, walking and showering, standing and breathing.

BUT I've been able to sleep! That's good!

I've wasted many dollars on foods that finally sound edible only to find after two bites... no... that really isn't the case... this food isn't even near edible. Throw it out and never show it to me again.

I'm a generally difficult, emotional, and cranky pregnant person. I have a hard time getting excited because I've reserved so much space for worry. Steve is challenging me to stop that. Which I can imagine trying if I weren't so constantly physically ill. I can't think passed it most of the time.

Steve has been... amazing. Dealing with extreme bouts of emotion while fielding an anxious Abby and doing household chores that make me ill to think about. I'm still stressed. There are insurance issues... but... I suppose that's all. That's good. Only one thing to deal with that was unplanned to have to deal with.

And also, sorry to all those I have lied to. Yes, Dave, I did technically lie to you at the Clippers game - however I didn't exactly say "No, I'm not pregnant" I said "No..." I could have been saying "No" to a ghost at your elbow.

The Highlight of My Day

I had to work at the school today and didn't feel like it. But as I walked into the gate and Abby followed me around just a little bit the way most kids do to their working parents she spotted a teacher and wavered away from me. As I turned to get on with my business I heard her proclaim to her teacher, "My mother is driving me Crazy!"

Oh my gosh. Nothing could have cracked me up more.

P.S. if anyone has been trying to call - our phone has been out for a week. Very annoying. Prognosis should be known Wednesday.

Pre-School Parent Pet Peeve #1

Or grandparent in this case.

The Critic:

This grandparent at the school has this entitled view of things.
There were too many holidays on Mondays and the school won't let you make up those days so she switched her daughter to tues-fri so they didn't have to 'pay' for missing school.
The sign-up for lunch bunch was full before she got there and she's supposed to work that day - yet her granddaughter won't be there. And while parents may have to deal with that sort of problem, she is most certainly not going to work when her granddaughter is not there.
The ballet class she wasn't even supposed to join because her gdaughter was already in a class is too full. The people at the community center (not the teacher) said they wouldn't be dancing the first day. The teacher said she would split the class if it was too big. Blah blah blah blah.

I'm not exactly immune to being critical and whining but the thing about the school is that it's not the school's evil plot to screw you out of your valuable free time by having holidays. And ballet - if Abby wasn't having a great time then I might be frustrated and sad etc, but then I would hope I would take her out of the class. But that's not the case with Abby and it's not the case with this lady's granddaughter.

Blah.

Pathetic

Poor sick Abby is in bed with a wet rag over her eyes while she clutches a rag for her runny nose.

Thomas the Tank Engine

Not for the Faint of Heart

(Goes in the "mushy" category)

Yesterday I picked up Abby from her pre-school and I was the first parent in the classroom. As I walked in to find them all working on puzzles. I noticed Abby singing in a sort of rhythm some form of "quack" or "bop" I'm not really sure. But the odd thing... the odd thing was that ALL the kids were doing it - all to some weird song in their heads. It was like in the Breakfast Club when the kids are all whistling. Or... like in The Birds where it's all eerie and calm. It was pretty hilarious. None of them broke the rhythm until more parents came in (usually they start crowding the door to get to their parents).

Today was a very big day. I took Abby to school as normal, but she got to stay til 2 with the 'lunch bunch' (a program where ten kids or so get to stay and eat lunch together). Then we went to Claire's house. Then Abby had her first ever ballet class. Which, though tough to wait through registration, was pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen. The parents aren't allowed in the room but we have to stay near the patio and can watch thru the screen doors.

Oh my... hard to describe how sweet it was - but there was Abby following all the instructions. She did have difficulty at first because everyone has to find a green dot on the floor to keep as their position and Abby thought she needed to keep both feet on the dot (it's about an inch diameter) at all times.

But it was great to see her laughing and dancing... it was just great.

Adrea's Guide to Picking Up

or... Adrea's Guide to Reclaiming Control Over the Housework When You've Neglected It:
*warning, may not be acceptable to perfectionists (I see you out there)

Do a laundry burst. This helps keep the cycle going and lessens the chance of leaving a load of clothes in the washer to get moldy or the dryer to get wrinkled.

Do things that will make the greatest impact first. Don't organize the cupboard when you have last weekend's travel bag on the dining room table.

Never leave a room empty handed - pick up something on your way through it and either throw it away or put it where it belongs. Throw away most things (but first check if they contain money).

Put some music on.

Don't blog.

Zoo Day: Part Two, Abby

Gramma has been trying to take Abby to the zoo for about a year. Finally, with Spring Break from pre-school and me desperate for ideas of how to entertain my daughter, we set it up and met my friend Jen and her daughter Anna.

And after all that preparation, Abby had a great time at the zoo. She ran from exhibit to exhibit...
and was done in about fifteen minutes.

Especially when we saw the train. "We can't see the animals, we have to ride the train!"

Zoo Part One: Where's Waldo?

A snow leopard, a tiger and a gorilla showing off their camouflage skills. Can you spot them?

Hugs and Kisses

Leaving Wesley on Wednesday.

Princesses and Pirates

What is it about getting a picture of a baby smiling that makes me feel so smug?












Abby was a little envious of Josh's photo session which was fine with me because I got a very willing Abby-model out of it! (Oh, the pirate reference - usually when Josh smiles he squints one eye and one side of his mouth is higher - so he looks like a pirate)

A few little things I want to get down before I forget even though they are totally off topic:
Abby found a playmate at the park Monday but didn't figure out his name so she would call out, "Friiiiiiiennnd?, Where are you Friennnd?"
We went on the Small World ride today at Disneyland and Abby called out to the other kids on the boat to make sure they looked up.
Oh, and she really likes churros.

Easter Bubbles

Other times...

Sometimes I compare pictures of Abby over her three and a half year life and can hardly believe how far away her baby years feel. Other times I catch an expression from the past as if not a second has passed...
Abby at her first birthday party:

vs. Abby's reaction to seeing Poppa coming to pick her up for their adventure day.

What I never want to forget...

I never ever want to forget how Abby says "nemennems" (aka M&Ms). I don't remember the first time - it took me a while to realize what the word was because initially she tripped over her tongue so much - initially the only way she could figure out how to say it was to stick out her tongue, hum, say 'nem' and stick out her tongue and hum again... so it was like "blemenblemems."

I never want to forget how much she is talking right now. She was watching Harry Potter downstairs and came up stairs during a scary part to relieve some anxiety by talking about it and reiterating everything,

a:What are those bad guys in the train, the window, the bad mentos - what are they called again?
A: Dementors
a: Remember when they were on the train and at the window and they were trying to hurt Harry Potter, why are they trying to hurt him? What are they trying to do to him?
A: They want to hurt him because they're mean and bad!
a: *nervous giggle* Yup and do you remember when that mean, BIG, dinosaur was trying to get at Harry Potter...with the BIG teeth and the tail, do you remember?!
A: I do!
a: Harry Potter was all right though, he GOT that dinosaur and that dinosaur couldn't hurt him anymore and do you remember that he lives in a castle?

I never want to forget and yet it feels like it slips through my fingers constantly. How she makes deals and affirms my decisions and is so brilliant. She loves to play with dry spaghetti. It's a mess but it's not a messy mess. I wanted her to clean them up and she couldn't resist the urge to break them up whilst picking them up (thereby creating more mess) and I told her if she broke them anymore I would take away her toy. And she said, obviously distressed (but not emotionally distressed - more like logically distressed ) "But, when I'm walking to get them they will break sometimes when I'm walking."

It was just... so true. In order to pick them up she would surely walk on quite a few which would break them and that hardly seemed fair to be penalized for!

How she cuddles and laughs and thinks...

The urge to hold onto right now is just as strong as the desire to watch her go forward.

Foil?

So, I've been wondering recently if my whole 'friend' issue has to do with my reading world... or tv/movie world.

I think ideally I get annoyed when my friends are not devoted to me and my life. They have moods that don't further my plot. They have families that they need or require something from them. They get hurt, annoyed and offended by me - they misunderstand me, they don't have the exact right thing to say which will inspire the next epiphany every time we talk. Everything they say doesn't even apply directly to the overall arc of my storyline. They don't act as my foil - they act as if they are independent of me!

In short, they don't seem to be written to fit especially into my story.

The nerve!

Is it weird that I am actually a little bit hurt by this sometimes? It's funny - to encourage some down and out person on his show, Dr. Phil (yeah, I admitted it - I watch him - wanna tussle?) sometimes says, "You've got to be the star in your own life."

Not a problem with me! I've always felt that, done that, lived that. My mom is so proud of me for being a trooper after the top layer of skin on my face was burned to a blackened crisp by a citric acid peel @ the dermatologist's office. And hey - I appreciate being appreciated for that. But I was how I was because I had this whole plot inside my head - the temporarily deformed heroine taking on the world and probably some international mystery while I as at it.

So, star in my own life - check. Now where do I sign up for side kicks?

Steve you ask? He's more the arch nemesis type - isn't he? He would have so much fun being deliciously evil. I'll bet he'd have his lusciously nefarious outfit all designed in his head if you asked.

Of course it's not the whole 'would you rather be with someone you love who doesn't love you or someone that loves you but you don't love' question because in the books it doesn't have to be a either/or. The friend is written to just exactly fit and balance and like/appreciate me just exactly as much as I like/appreciate her.

AND she'd obviously move wherever I move and find a house two doors down and promise never ever to move away.

I dunno - it seemed reasonable a few years ago...

Cousins

Spring Bloom, Spring Ears, Spring Break

Spring is here and it's a great time at the pre-school. Abby made a carrot as tall as herself. She decorated a basket and put soil and seeds and water together and grew grass in it. They decorated REAL eggs. Here are her bunny ears...


Along with spring has come a resurgence in pretend play. Yesterday all the characters from Handy Manny were misbehaving and Abby had to sort them all out gently.

We walked around using a broken phone to call all the Princesses who, we were all very relieved to confirm all like treats and toys just like Abby.

She also ordered Poppa to come and get her and reassured Gramma that Abby would come to her later tonight.


With all this blooming excitement sometimes a girl just needs to take her Cheeze-its, her dry soup and her water and just get away from it all with a good friend. Or crawl under the desk with the cranky cat and a bunch of dangerous looking wires... whatever works.

If I Can't Make Chocolate Chip Cookies

...to cure myself of a depressive sort of mood because that will ultimately make me a fat relatively repressed person, here are a few other things that work to self-medicate:

Do something useful for someone. Anything that makes me think someone might be thankful that I did that something.
Do something useful around the house. It eases the mind if nothing else - one less thing to do.
Listen to Abby talk in her sleep, "No silly, teeth don't go on your forehead!!!"
Fuzzy warm thick socks (still useful even with heat)
Blog about the good.
Sleep next to someone you love

Long time, no mention...

Had a breakthrough tonight with my outline for the book. This is huge for me. I can write a hundred thousand words no problem. Have done so in the fanfiction world for years. It was trying to create a storyline - one cohesive interesting complete storyline that I didn't believe I could do.

But despite all odds, I have finally stuck little color coded index cards to a big piece of paper. This is huge. I can basically... basically just write it now. There are a few fuzzy subplots, but they'll focus on their own as I write them.

Still feel a bit embarrassed if anyone thinks I think it's something that would sell. But am basically happy in doing it now to make it something I would buy. My crazy forays into fanfiction have, if nothing else, prepared me and even inspired me to write a story the way I want it for myself and really mean it. And I'm so very into the story that that is a realistic desire for me to have... I want to write it so it's OUT of my head and I can read it.

3 posts for April Fool's. Must just be happy I'm through with March!

Nature is not Warm and Fuzzy.

If anyone doesn't know about the Discovery HD series "Planet Earth" it's spectacular as it should be!

However, leave you warm and happy it does not. For example apparently babies of all species are easier to catch and eat than adults. But, of course, anytime a baby gets away - the predator's babies die.

It's all rather depressing. But hey - SPECTACULAR pictures.


Planet Adrea:

In the dusk, California says goodbye to a long, seemingly never-ending March. Little do the inhabitants of this old Spanish home realize, but sleep will elude them this night. The last breath of March has the last laugh...


Feline Tabby basks in the sunlight. She lives in a converted dungeon so the rays are not taken for granted. Her determination to mew her owners unto insanity shimmers in her green amber eyes...

The Odd Emotion Creeps Up

Abby went to the movies today with Auntie Samantha. They saw "Meet the Robinson's" Abby did spectacular. She was so proud of herself for not being afraid. And except for a couple absolutely necessary comments, kept pretty quiet.

I may not have sounded confident, but as I drove away I got one of those pangs that comes with watching someone you love so much gain independence from you inch by inch.

*see them? crossing the street all by themselves from my side mirror.