Maternity Amnesia?

I do not remember the last month being quite so uncomfortable. I've gained less weight, so it can't be that. True that I am "running" after Abby (not quite as literally as Hazel was today - thanks Haze!), but not really... she's really quite self-reliant and last time I had to be up and in the office every morning early and in the office all day - that seems like a much more difficult feat.

Those of you who don't like whiners - look away now.

I am *so* physically uncomfortable right now. I would say almost back to first trimester unhappiness. Mentally and emotionally I am definitely marginally better especially since we're so close to the finish line.

I have to go back on my own words in one respect and say it is SUCH a relief though that the restless leg stuff has almost disappeared - leaving my scrapbook efforts a mere night's work incomplete and possibly continuing to be.

I'm hoping that this total discomfort is more fleeting and due to my abysmal food choices Monday. Pre-today there was plenty of discomfort (some of cute baby Jack's movements seriously hurt... not like labor but like I have a miniature human messing with my organs - is it possible that he is actually grabbing my bladder and squeezing? It may be a teddybear type cuddling...) but there was a good portion of the day that I could sort of not pay attention to being pregnant... Sure, it's not so easy walking down stairs when you can't see your feet, but generally I was mobile. Today I just felt like I was hit by a ton of... pillows (not quite bricks - but something muffling and heavy).

Steve basically took over. And he tells me Hazel did some serious 'tag' duty at the office - which makes me want to cry I am so thankful Abby has had fun while mom is a lump. I'm also back to being emotional. The phone looks like a great big daunting nausea maker again.

Two more weeks though. At least, two that I care about. I am aware it may be three or four, but two more weeks is all I have to "worry" about. I think that part of the difficulty I'm experiencing today is not just that this whole moving around thing is awful, I felt sick, I felt tired all that - but also that it's up to me to take care of myself - to STOP so as to not tempt my body to start the process too early from stress.

SO, though I wouldn't say I'm surrendering to anxiety about Steve's trip because I really feel I've got a handle on that. Two weeks is nothing (another topic altogether). I would say that there is a definite stress about being careful not to be stressed. I think before my little anxiety awareness it would be much more pronounced - it would take on more of an anger, more of emotional response. As is, I feel as if I feel that I need to slow down and I do it. There is a bit of guilt if Abby is home, but I don't sit there and get anxious, I sit and relax.

I definitely felt like calling my mom today and throwing in the towel... or just escaping altogether to Camarillo where my dad would give me foot rubs and my mom would be guilted into making me burnt fudge.

I was ready to call in MarySue but, there is a part of me that is trying so hard to conserve my resources. Sarah suggests I have trouble asking for help (dangerous of her because now, of course, I feel quite safe asking her for help - especially as she's one of the only stay at home people I know). I feel like I don't have enough trouble asking for help and I have to be careful to temper myself because I think I have the capability of just letting everybody run themselves ragged for me. That is usually where my reticence comes in asking for help. I.E. I'm not sitting there thinking 'I should be able to do this one my own', I'm sitting there thinking, 'If I can just get through this on my own I can ask so and so to do that when I really really need it.' Steve finds this frustrating.

(*too much information alert*) And I think my birthing bones are separating. Because I'm sore.

So... as I was saying. Two more weeks... possibly. This is emotionally overwhelming. Both with joy and just the awesome oddness of it all. A new person. A new family. ACK!

I'm going to go read some Garfield. He puts everything into perspective... i.e. it's all about the food and the sleep.

Edited to add: Gratefully I think it was fleeting - feel as 'normal' as possible today. Whoo hoo. No more bad food days that's for darn sure - not worth the suffering.