Last Random Blog of 2007

My abdominal muscles are now only a fingers width apart which means (according to the internet, which is obviously where I get all my medical advice from when I am not calling Aaron) I can do sit ups again. Which actually gets me excited because I won't be doing mindless sit-ups but pilates which gives me a lot of peace.

Abby's obnoxious talking parrot needs a mention. Because if you noticed in the Auntie cuddling pictures in the A&J blog Abby is also cuddling with the parrot... which is not a cuddly toy. It doesn't respond correctly to the verbal cues it is supposed to respond to. All the same, when it says "I love you" or "Whatcha doin'" Abby caresses his head and says, "I love you too." Today at the table we were trying to get him to "go to sleep" and he wouldn't and Abby got fed up, "Why won't you just go to sleep!? Go to sleep silly bird! Now!"

We are not really doing Santa I think we've decided. I had some presents designated from Santa but when the day came, Abby didn't really care and Steve was slightly offended we were giving away credit ;). SO we certainly won't be saying anything negative, but I think generally we won't go into it. Unless she gets really into it on her own? Hmm. Not sure what happens in that case.

THE ORANGES ARE COMING... be aware my family and friends... Oranges and Grapefruit... the crates are coming... You'll save me from anxiety associated with selling my crates right? Right? Pretty please? With oranges on top?

Have I told you that for most of this year Abby called sneezes "blesses"?

And soon she'll figure out the Orange Dream Machine at Jamba Juice is not the Orange Bling Maching. I think one of the things that is going to change this year is that I'm going to start liking Jamba Juice.

Kindergarten testing is also coming up in January...

Steve has the touch with Jack. He is actually more successful than I am in getting him to settle and go to sleep. This is the only thing that has kept me sane.

Abby is fighting everything so hard. I got that feeling again today like she and I are both pretending to be all right even though we're both at the end of our ropes. I really truly think we just need school back now and that right there is going to be half the battle. I think I can handle this whole two-kid dynamic better when I have that school break. I just need that time to rest my brain...

Abby is coughing again. Did I mention what Gramma's on the spot medicine for Abby's cough was now that we can't give kids cough medicine? I awoke one morning to find that chocolate chips and water have magical properties at night for coughing girls. Too funny. Aaron, an actual medical reference, figured it was just as good a placebo as the old cough medicine itself.
Off to administer my placebo.

It's Nights Like This

That may very well reduce me to a patient at St. Mungos.
Last night Jack slept great from 9:50pm-2:30am. So did Abby. It was bliss. (Abby has been waking up itchy and coughing and Benedryl hasn't been doing much so we tried Tylenol). And then... Jack woke up and then... Abby woke up... and then... Jack wanted to eat... and then he wanted to burp... and then he wanted to toot... and then he wanted to eat again all the while Abby didn't want to be alone, insisting again that she is afraid of her room and her bed. In the end we were up from 3 on.

I was going to say, when I intended to blog earlier in the day, that I was in argument watch with Steve because while on one hand we were very united in what we had to work through early this morning and in our exhaustion, we were just totally spent. I thought about my resolution for next year as we accidentally snipped at each other (at different times) in the morning (which is lucky cuz if we snipped at the same time the argument... the completely useless and senseless argument would have blossomed) and chose not to snip back. Steve didn't have a resolution, he's just good at not being baited.

Somehow we got through the day sans argument and both of us are really really happy to be spending New Year's Eve doing absolutely nothing together.

I am a MAC

So I think having a baby was like getting a software update. I needed to reboot. Even though I was plugging along okay, I was stuck between new and old - hitting snags. My normal Friday freedom was my reboot and I'm hoping that that is all I will need to really get on track. Obviously there are a lot of things to learn in this whole juggling thing, but before Friday I felt like I was just barely keeping my head above water which I think Abby must have felt. Or perhaps she just needed a reboot too.

I'm in practically no pain anymore (thank you God and modern medicine). I've got the basic rhythm of feeding a baby every 2-4 hours again. I can fit into my grungy normal clothes - there is something fantastic feeling about wearing my non-maternity loungewear. Don't get me wrong I still have plenty of breadth to slim, but I just feel more normal in my own clothes. So, that and seeing the half pound or so every few days come off is enough to feel generally positive. Good even.

2007: God proves I'm a jerk to ever doubt Him

2007, How I love thee.

2006 was such a difficult, trying year and those of you who have heard me whine through my entire pregnancy would think I would feel similarly about 2007, but it couldn't be farther from the truth. I feel like I spent 2006 on the edge of fear and doubt. 2007 was the year of the light at the end of the tunnel... the year in which I may have been sick or uncomfortable for 10 out of 12 months, but my shoulders were relaxed and my breathing eased. I couldn't sleep, but I almost enjoyed the pain because of the production (both of making a baby and of getting my scrapbooking done). Steve lost weight. I also lost weight- ten pounds, then I gained forty over the course of 9 months, and lost twenty in the course of two weeks... which sounds great until you realize theres still 20 more to go. Steve worked in Fresno and Italy. I went to England and Arizona. We made a baby. Jack entered the world and our family. Abby learned the joy of dance and dressing up... everyday. I got a cool camera and an awesome lens and took several thousand pictures. My immediate extended family gelled and settled and gave me great comfort and happiness. I saw a therapist and was unimpressively anxious. Our roof didn't leak, our floor didn't leak. We did get snookered into a big ole playhouse that we didn't want, but it gave great joy to Abby and still can. Steve and I just keep getting better at being a family, being responsible and caring and trusting and being authentic which is not always beautiful. I got great joy from Harry Potter's final chapter and got to put my arm around Nathan Fillion. Not to be outdone, Steve got a car (well, got rid of the lemon car and got my car and got a cool car for the family) and a TV. We got HEAT and AIR and rid our house of mold. We switched dressers and closets twice and now we both have all our clothes in baskets, neither of us knowing how we're going to organize ourselves. My heart broke a hundred times for each of Abby's disappointments and sang many more thousands for all her incredible beauty and sweetness. Lake Ave got a new pastor, someone I would stay in town for. Our house became cat free and I learned I am somewhat allergic to chocolate.

Things I want to do in 2008:
Continue to find a place for everything and leave it exactly where it can be found. Refuse to waste the blessings we are showered with. I know I've been enamored of my parents recently with all their help with the kids (how insane that that is a plural noun now), but I just don't want to lose a moment of how incredible they've been. I want my dad to feel appreciated for driving every single week just to give myself and my daughter a break and an adventure. I want to slow down and spend time with my mom again... rather than just heave children toward her on the way to one event or another. I want to appreciate Steve's family, give them more trust and less rush. I want to do my hair better... how that is going to happen with a baby... well... maybe we'll save that one for 2009. I want to be aware of my tone of voice - to think before I speak - to make more of those little magic decisions that make the difference between someone feeling loved and strong and appreciated and someone feeling demeaned, rejected, and humiliated. I want to spend less time worrying about making appointments and therefore less time thinking about them in general. I want to convince Abby to use a tissue on her nose. I want to be less cheap but more frugal. I want to lose anxiety.

I want to be happy on purpose.

Hosting Christmas

We hosted Christmas Eve and Christmas this year because MarySue and David's house is under construction and I thought it might be easier on me with a two and half week old baby. It definitely was easier with the baby being home.

It was really odd though to be hosting without being the hostess. My mom, Sarah, MarySue and Samantha did everything while I sat around mostly in my pjs and fuzzy socks. Usually as hostess I'd be running around, doing the social butterfly thing. Instead I was a little set apart, a little removed, but not in a sad or lonely way... just in a "I had a baby two weeks ago way" and having the freedom to be that way is really nice. Because I think if I were a guest somewhere I would actually have felt more obligated to be more outgoing and alert... which I just don't feel like being at the moment. I mean, inside I feel outgoing and happy and alert, but it doesn't seem to break the surface. I think that's just general exhaustion though and ... you should all probably get used to it since I actually got a ton of sleep while my mom was here!

SO, favorite pictures:

Little Drummer Boy


Steve arranged the fire


Abby and our Godchildren

cuddled on the couch
How many people does it take to put together a round puzzle?

Holiday Family

of FOUR...


when did that happen?

Moms and Dads

I'm sitting here Christmas Eve night with a ton of pictures to upload and listening to my mom sing "You are my Sunshine" to Jack as she tries to give me one more night's rest before the real nitty gritty of new momhood begins - that moment when everyone goes home and your new bundle becomes just one of the family. Mom leaves in the morning... like Santa most likely - slipping away in the early hours before anyone wakes. She's done everything ... there are things somehow that only a mom can do. I know it's hard on husbands to have their wives so dependent on mom in times like this. But it's hard wired somewhere. Like Steve needing Dave to buy a car... being perfectly capable on his own of course to do it, but having his Dad there for both of them. I do feel it's larger scale than that, but as Steve has told me several times, I don't really understand the significance of cars.

I'm going to cry a lot feeling lost and alone and overwhelmed without my mom here. I'm not at a loss for wonderful people offering to help who really will help and really will do what I need with a giving and happy heart. But theres just something about mom. It's that need in mom's eye that I recognize as my own when I look at Abby in need. I see Abby struggling, I see Abby in pain and my heart hurts until I can help, until I can do whatever I possibly can do make it better - whether it be a hug, a pat, or a madeline from Starbucks. And it's that look, that longing, that makes mom's help different than anything else.

Of course, different is not always bad. Moms (especially my mom and I ;) ) tend to get anxious until things are better... because better is all we want for our babies. Dads are pretty useful too... a very different touch - following a very different beat. But my Dad came to rescue me several times this week. My dad, I knew, felt more at peace being of use than not. Which meant I could give him Jack to hold the entire night and I knew Dad wasn't looking around hoping for someone to eventually rescue him from the duty. Though, I do have a sneaking suspicion my dad is special in that way. My dad, I knew, I could count on to give Abby that little extra wrestle play when Jack's dad was busy with whatever chore we needed for life, Christmas or ... well... anything. When Dad wants to come to the rescue, the emotional temperature of everything just... calms.

So, here ends the period where everyone is here, where I don't have to juggle baby with Abby with brushing my teeth. Here ends the sense that I can ask for that extra twenty minutes, just because. Here begins the time to stand up, to be mom, to be who I need to be.

All the same, it's also exciting... the beginning of our family. What will very likely be our complete family for many years to come. It won't be easy but it will be life and it will be good because we'll make it good.

And before I get too emotionally blinded to the obvious, I am so so so thankful that I am blessed with a mom and dad giving me this every weekend year round. It's not so far til Friday...

Maiden Family Christmas

In two senses... the first family Christmas celebration and my er... first family... or family of origin. How does one say that? Cuz my married family is MINE as well... I think we're special that way in that when I say 'my family' they both feel like mine.

My mom and Megan took care of all the food.


Jack and Poppa took care of all the cuddling...


Aaron was Abby's designated umbrella gun partner

Abby took care of giggling and forcing Aaron to dust off his cheerleading skills...

Moby Dick Update

Steve retreated that day.

He fell back to regroup, lick his wounds and cook up a new strategy.

To be fair, it was the LEDs that got him. The white is really bluish and he'll be the first to admit... it threw him.

But he hadn't given up. No, he let the tree think it would stay as you see it here- sparse and cold and wintery (not that theres anything wrong with that):


Last night, I was sure the end was near. Steve looked so badly beaten, the extra icicles still encased in their boxes - the plastic not even broken and Steve was slipping into dementia - insisting the tree was not straight and spending have the night "straightening" it.

But I was naive. I fell for the same trap the tree most certainly did. Steve came home from work this morning with renewed vigor, with more lights and a new star and the tree didn't have a chance.

I will edit later with a triumphant victory picture.

OooOo the tree is getting desperate - low blow - the new lights Steve came home with had the bulbs stolen out of them from the store.

These tactics will not be rewarded, he has gone back out and intends to conquer.

Only so Much

So, as I mentioned, yesterday was my no sleep low and for the past few weeks I've been wanting to blog here and there but haven't because my brain could only focus on baby birthing or baby rearing. So... in the spirit of catch up...


Abby and Daddy during the Disneyland snowfall



Jack in focus in Gramma's glasses (Steve artsy)


Abby going "whoot whoot" on Dumbo


Abby's Great Grandma (she has two, how lucky is she?) sends her presents for every holiday and in an effort to really show her how much Abby appreciates this, I take pictures of Abby opening the presents and send them to her. Abby knows now in order to open the presents she has to be good for the camera. So this is Abby's plastered on "Cheese" all throughout opening the presents.

Abby and Daddy reading a fairytale next to the Christmas Tree

Jack and Daddy getting in some cuddle time

PIE

Okay people, my mom is very bitter right now because I do not know what all your favorite pies are. Does anyone like pumpkin in particular for example? She says "Don't be open about it - they might ask for rubarb or something horrible!!"

SO do tell me. What sort of pie would you want if you were coming to my house for Christmas Eve or Christmas.

The Good Very Long Day

We had "a day" today. Self made as usually 'days' are.

We have a very early morning appointment in the morning but otherwise I think all the Christmas stuff is going to be a piece of cake compared to this 'day'.

edited to add: Okay, sorry sorry. I was incapacitated last night with my first anxiety headache in... a couple months? In the morning I took Jack and Gramma to my hair appointment (I made the hair appointment because we had a plethora of pictures to take yesterday). Originally I made the hair appointment just for a blow dry but Chad coerced me into color promising that the first appointment of the day - it would be quick and painless. WELL... it mostly was quick, but not in the olden days of Chad quickness. In the olden days of Chad quickness we could have done cut, color, HIGHLIGHTS, and blow dry in the time he did the color and blow dry. In the morning, before we left, Abby was feeling extremely in need of Mommy. These are the moments I was dreading about having another child. I had fifteen minutes or so to finish nursing Jack, I was in quite a bit of pain (nothing by last week's standards but my body doesn't seem to register pain by comparison to worse pain!) because I'd left my Ibuprofin in the car, get ready and go. Abby was wanting to hold Jack and cuddle with me and be on my lap and just needed me. I was at my lowest sleep point yesterday and it breaks my heart that I am sure she could see I just couldn't deal with her at that moment... at least not as authentically welcoming as I would like. So she was upset we were going without her (her only sad reaction so far re: Jack's birth is when Steve and I or Gramma and I or just Jack and I go somewhere without her). Of course, I was quite aware that as soon as we closed the garage door she was fine and playing happily with Daddy... but it still felt awful to have managed to make her this needy in the first place.

SO at 10:47am , on the way back I stopped to get coffee and a scone for Steve and pick up a few essentials from the grocery store - like food for Abby (I had forgotten to leave Abby's car seat for Steve so they had been trapped in the house). I came home with renewed vigor to point towards Abby and we sat together to eat. Then we had about twenty minutes down time before it was ready to get set for our Julie West Photography 'Newborn' session.

We are always early to our meetings with Julie. Embarrassingly early... i.e. we always have to stop off and get a coffee or a snack because we're way too early. So we decided this time not to be. But as soon as we got in the car at 12:30pm I knew we hadn't thought it through. Yes it only takes fifteen or twenty minutes to get there once we are on the freeway but we live up on a hill and it takes fifteen or twenty minutes to GET to the freeway. So Steve was a little stressed which I, for no good reason, decided to get stressed about as well.

The session was, in essence, fantastic. However, any situation like this - where you are forcing your child to do something - with the added pressure of trying to force them to look happy and be cooperative while they are being forced into doing something they are not in the mood for... well... that gave me anxiety. Look at it like I had already fallen off the anxiety wagon in the middle of the night, so pretty much any and all triggers were going to be successful at making me anxious. Julie, I might add though, if anyone needs a photographer, was *so* good with Abby. Both at getting her to relax and do the pose, but also at ignoring the parent's anxiety and getting Abby to focus on her. She also didn't get uppity when Jack peed on the black sheet he was lying on and the dress she'd let Abby borrow. Further anxiety was heaped when we realized we'd forgotten the extra wipes I'd remembered to get... towards the door if not quite out of it. AND we hadn't thought to bring Abby extra clothes! Well, when Jack wet her dress (he had been lying on her at the time) it soaked through obviously to her panties and tights. Well, Abby was not going to be okay with leaving those on but we had nothing else. Julie offered up her daughter's extra panties and crisis was averted. Daddy, by the way, was also doing plenty of work keeping things working smoothly, but without a solution to the panty problem things were heading downhill.

SO by 3:30pm we were on our way home, after a quick stop at Taco Bell (which is configured weird and we went in the wrong entrance and that was a whole ordeal all to itself) we were on our way back.

At 5pm we all piled back in the car (remembering the wipes and extra clothes for Abby) and headed toward the mall. Yes, you heard me, the mall six days before Christmas (are you beginning to see why I said it was 'a day' but one that was entirely of my doing?), for our family picture. Steve dropped us off but I forgot the pacifier in my haste to leave the car and my mom forgot the wrap. My mom heads off to buy a pacifier while I hang out at the Picture People place and try to breathe through my headache. We can't find my Ibuprofin in the diaper bag even though I know its there. Picture People is general chaos with generally apathetic staff (only at our mall). It's a large group with two tired kids who are having a great time chasing each other and banging on windows, but we all know... there's a ticking timebomb in the room and it's all about whether or not the kids will be up for the picture by the time we get in there.

But WHOO we luck out and get one of the two fantastic, on the ball photographers to work with at our store. This is huge. She is quick, friendly, and efficient. It's still quite a task, but we get through it with generally nice results. Even the wait for the preview isn't as long as it could have been considering the crowd... but in my pounding head, I'm worried it will be horribly long. The men and Auntie take the kids to blow off some steam at the play ground which happens to be closed because a child threw up all over the place. They go get food instead (PERFECT because Abby was starving). Jack is ready to nurse and I take him, remembering just in time Nordstrom has that great little room for nursing.

Everyone decides on El Torito for a late dinner (late for us anyway). I am wholeheartedly for it because I am starving and haven't had El Torito in like... a week! However, I am fully aware that Abby is very very close to melt down. I wasn't *too* worried about this because I knew I had helpers there to help, but considering at this point my headache was just bad I wasn't doing so hot. Everyone was spread out everywhere and Abby was again wanting me when I couldn't give her what she needed.

We'd talked about doing Christmas lights after but Abby was so tired even she didn't want to go at first. She changed her mind rather sadly and off we went. It was worth it... it really was. She was so happy and enthusiastic about the lights. But the poor girl was so exhausted she fell asleep as soon as there were four houses in a row without any lights and we actually woke her up so she could see the 'pink house with a hundred lights on it'.

I put her to sleep while Daddy drove Samantha home and Gramma started putting the day's mess away. Then I lay on the rug next to Jack's car seat while he slumbered (making warning gurgling noises that he'd need his nighttime nursing fairly soon) and tried to breathe through my headache and force the medicine to work.

So you see, I'd created that day. Every appointment we had was made by me. Every decision endorsed.

The biggest thing though is that Gramma cuddled with Jack in between feedings all night long so everyone (including Gramma and Jack) got a lot more sleep last night than we have in... well, Jack's whole life.

So, THIS morning (Thursday) I was ready and emotionally prepared to give Abby a little extra cuddling. Sweetest/Saddest comment from Abby this morning : Gramma was up and ready to play or make breakfast with Abby and told Abby that while Abby climbed into bed next to me. A few minutes went by and I thought Abby had grown bored because she left, but apparently it was worrying her that she had rejected Gramma because she found her and said, "I'm sorry that I love Momma better Gramma, I just have to cuddle with her, I'm sorry." To which Gramma obviously gave reassurance and Abby climbed back up next to me.

Steve's White Whale

Steve, as most of you know, is the tree decorator in our household. Every year he has grand plans for the tree and, while it is always beautiful, the experience often leaves him anxious for next year, to make it better, brighter, more... something.

The last couple years have held him back with financial worries - i.e. I had a bad attitude about him spending fifty dollars on lights when we already had perfectly suitable lights. Well, I always feel bad about spoiling that for him so even before some of the recent blessings I told him I wanted him to do whatever he wanted for decorations this year. New tree, new lights, the whole shebang.

So we have this gorgeous tree upstairs (borrowed tree since MarySue wasn't fully decorating this year) and our old tree downstairs - which I thought look really nice. However. Steve was not pleased. So he took it apart.

And stared at it for a full day yesterday.

Got more lights. Stared some more...

and some more...

and plugged in every light combination twice...

and stared...

and it seems,

at this moment anyway...

the tree has won.

The Great Schisms

Between
Happiness and Depression
Contentment and Anxiety
Gratefulness and Fear

*warning: though written out, this may sound much more severe than it is - pay attention to the good things as well as the bad because they are not thrown in just for saving face.

Torn and I think it's giving me a headache, so I want to write it all out and see where it takes me.

I am depressed right now, this moment... or... fragile - is that a better, less scary word? I can't fit into anything yet. Have lost 14 pounds since birth of baby and yet I feel like there is such a mountain of weight yet to climb. Point being, I can't even seem to deal with going out in public, getting dressed is a nightmare. Just wear my pregnancy clothes, you suggest? The problem is I'm not the right shape now for any clothes. Pre-pregnancy (ha. ha. don't even joke). Pregnancy tops - half are two small for my milk laden chest and half are belly enhancing - all the better to look cute during pregnancy - not quite as cute when the belly being enhanced doesn't hold a baby. Pregnancy bottoms... well... everything relating to anything is just a bit uncomfortable. Part of it is the general injuries of birth along with perpetual bleeding and part of it is just the feeling of WEIGHT... it's just uncomfortable to be this heavy.

Give myself time!!! (You say)... Look, I know. You have no idea how well I know it just takes time and it is actually much easier than it looks. Last post-pregnancy it was exactly the same. I lost 15 pounds right away and then seemed to stall. I can't remember if it was 3 weeks post birth or 6 weeks but I went and spent 100 dollars at banana republic, trying to be good about accepting that it would take time and I just needed clothes in the meantime and I never did wear those jeans because another 10-15 pounds came off like a day later like magic. I am not intentionally giving myself a hard time about this. I do not even feel badly towards myself. I don't blame myself or anything wacky like that. It's just hard. Worth it? EVERY single minute.

To be armchair psychologist for a moment, I wanted to say something about the hospital... because I think I'm shoving it down and giving myself a headache. So about after birth in general. About pregnancy in general. There are so many indignities that go along with the processess. There are so many things happening to one's body and one's ability to be 'normal' - and so many of these things I wish dearly I didn't know about much less wish to share them with someone else. There's swelling and bleeding and pain... issues about the potty and sex and bras and panties and everything that is unmentionable. And it's not unmentionable because people would be mean about it, (though it would make a fair number of people uncomfortable discussing), but it's unmentionable because I am uncomfortable discussing it. I am uncomfortable with people knowing, with someone having any number of images in their head.

Also because I don't want to be reminded of the things that most embarrass me when I'm out and about, when I'm doing well somewhere in public or at an event for example, I don't want to be reminded how worried I was about which size panty-liner will work for the current blood flow.

At the hospital there are indignities that I'm sure everyone suffers in one way or another when one is at the mercy of medicine. There were a few people at the hospital that made those indignities bearable and fine and completely okay because look, you've just had a baby, don't be stupid, of course you can't get out of bed on your own the first time. And there were a few people at the hospital that made it horribly horribly mortifying. What I don't understand about psychology is if I know what is right, if I know what I believe and what should be and what shouldn't be - why is it still mortifying when someone is WRONG. All the RNs that were in charge of the floor during my recovery were just fantastic. Everything was nice and matter of fact and if I did anything stupid or horribly embarrassing they didn't blink an eyelash. It was whoever the people are at the desk that drag themselves to your room if the RN isn't immediately available. It was the rather odd pair of RNs that did the birth (really fine - a bit wacky as I said before during the birth but fine) after the birth who were hyper and just... weird... and who seemed to never dealt with a woman who's lower half isn't working due to an epidural.

It's the combination of all of it - the pain, the anticipation, the hormones, the trauma, the experience, the embarrassment that ended up making me feel isolated. How can I share what I refuse to share? Steve, for better or worse, knows all... and he wouldn't have the first time around. So I'm so relieved we are where we are now. Still... its not just the indignity itself. It's not just the pain and the difficulty sharing what's really going on - there is this sense of failure? or inability to do what needs doing. If I overdo it, then I'm just delaying the healing. I get that. It still drives me up the wall to admit that I need Steve to go pick up the food even though I know he'd rather not. To ask.

Then there's the happiness. I am so totally fine - anxious only now and then. I am so totally thrilled that Jack is out. That there were no emergencies. That I am on the road to recovery. The pain at the beginning versus the pain now - there is no comparison. I am almost walking totally upright! That I have my mom here working like a trooper constantly. That Jack's little man procedure went fine and is basically healed, That Abby is doing SO well with Jack. That she is mine mine mine. That my mom made turtle cookies, that the extended families are all doing well. That Jack is nursing and being generally wonderful and easy. That he doesn't seem yellow, that my dad has given Abby escape from the craziness. That my mom's place is a sanctuary for Abby. That my mom will soon be close... That we could afford new furniture downstairs and there is the promise of some steady income that if we budget appropriately, we don't have to go into debt constantly. That we are on the right track in every way...

Which brings us to matters of faith again. I think if I had dealt better with the trials of the last... eight years or so, that I would feel less... unworthy of everything falling into place at the moment. It's raining and pouring blessings. And I am completely overwhelmed with relief.... and fear.

BUT I'm not going to go into that because I do not believe that is how God works, so I'm just not going to think it thru, just remind myself that that is not how God works.

So... there it is. There may be more that leaks out later, but for now, mini-munchkin has been given back to me (Steve gives me tons of time by holding the bundle while he plays xbox - Steve plays - Jack sleeps or watches) and my brain ceases to function in any mode other than mommy mode when I've got him still.

Speaking of - he is so beautiful and tiny and wonderful.

He looks like Abby so much sometimes that it feels like I'm getting the ultiimate treat of going back in time to appreciate that first experience all the more. Don't worry though, I'm fully respecting Jack's individuality and masculinity!

Breakthrough

I have felt some distance from Abby since last week, understandably I know - when the contractions started and the birth became ever more imminent. It's been a bittersweet sort of thing because I don't think it's been awful. It's like both of us have been kinda looking for our place with each other again. But also knowing that it wasn't going to happen overnight. That's putting a lot of credit to Abby but that's the vibe I get because she's not overly anxious to be with me or not be with me. We just sort of cuddle when we get one of those moments - those moments where it's just us again for a minute. But I think we could both just tell that we weren't quite ourselves. That this little bundle of boy and my general pain was simply going to be a boundary for us for a time.

Wednesday was the long awaited Disneyland trip and everything worked out well, but especially - I'm not sure when or how it happened but it felt like Abby and I found our groove. It'll take time but that's all right.

Similarly, though I've had a great time staring at, cuddling with, smootching on the face Jack, he didn't totally feel mine until we were out. There is something about being out as a family that reinforces the idea that we are a family; That we are a unit that belong together - fit together.

So, yesterday I felt like I was coming to a better understanding of Jack as well.

It's progress I'll take happily

Steve's Touch

Cheesy God Stuff

So I'm looking at the handsome little face with the cute little chubby cheeks - the baby whose movement under the blankets is the same as under my skin just a few days ago and I started thinking again of this whole gratefulness issue.

Funnily enough, my new maternal thoughts tend to come out in song lyrics. Not on purpose but I'll be thinking something and realize - nope nothing is new under the sun - that thought is totally in a praise song.

SO, for example, I was thinking partially the reason it is so uncomfortable to be so grateful to God is that I have no way of repaying Him - nothing would be enough and just all that sort of thing. And then, just like the verses follow, my next thought was, all I do have to offer is all that I am, my life, my faith, my worship. But, not to be self-depreciating, this seems insufficient if not for the next thing I thought about.

Which, again, was this little life in my hands. I show my gratitude by loving what (or who) God has entrusted to me. Not just new Jack and wonderful Abby, but Steve and friends and family. And while even that hardly seems like a trade (more of a given), it feels right about right when I consider I am God's child as much as my beloved are His children. And that, of course, makes all the difference.

Pain and Exhaustion

Well, there is one thing about the pain of labor/childbirth and the subsequent pain that my mom and I agree about. It's fascinating.

I thought I remembered the pain even though we're not supposed to, but I didn't. Especially not the pain of recovery.

Last night was very difficult every few hours when I needed to get to the restroom and bleed all over the place. The contractions of my uterus trying to return to it's normal size were just as strong as the contractions I got the epidural to deal with. Seems ironic and unfair.

AT the same time, (this is also something my mom and I share), the feeling of gratefulness and happiness that comes with the relief of that pain is sweeter than actually not having the pain. At least... if you have to have the pain... that makes no sense, but yeah.

Exhaustion, true exhaustion, is just as fascinating. Most of the day I feel totally normal, but there will be sudden spurts that come on randomly where I will literally drop my head in a micronap. It happens when I'm typing for example, or nursing mostly.

And this post is going to end now as I can't keep my eyelids open.

Jack's Story

Thursday (about a hundred years ago) Steve jokingly suggested I really needed to join him and his father when they went car shopping for our new 2 baby car in order to sweeten the deal on some unsuspecting car salesman. Not only was I looking 9 months pregnant but surely I could also subtly rub the baby belly and breathe deeply now and then...

Oddly enough, the first time I went to subtly rub my baby belly, I also let out a deep breath unintentionally... Ironic, but no big surprise - after all I've been having contractions since Tuesday off and on.

Course they continued as the deal did... Dare I say progressed? I didn't feel badly manipulating the poor salesmen as I could not exactly hide them for the four hours such a deal took. On and on they went until about 7pm when they settled back down and got further apart and basically gave me great frustration.

Oo, but wait, there's more.

They came back... around 11pm? And continued and progressed and oo oo ooo I wanted them to stay. And they sort of did. However, Steve still suggested we try to rest. After all, if it was true labor it would find a way... like true love...

Very, very bitterly (as the contractions continued to fizzle again) I lay down for bed. And slept.

And dreamed about very large, very painful, very sharp contractions (though I think Maggie and Chris were a part of the dream). I got up during one at about 4:45am and went for the restroom and only made it halfway. The contractions were so sharply painful, so different than the muscle spasm sort of contractions of pre? early? labor that I actually wasn't nearly as confident that they WERE contractions.

Steve felt differently, especially when I got nauseous. And I didn't want to fight the idea. We waited about an hour to make sure they continued, walking around grabbing things I'd forgotten, spouting off information I needed Steve to give to everyone else that I'd forgotten to tell him, then it was a call to the doc, a call to Zoozy to come over and stay with Abby and off to the hospital we went.

The advantages of a small hospital? Cozy atmosphere, special attention, general relaxed atmosphere. The disadvantages? You can't get in easily in the middle of the night, even when in labor and when you get to the ER there is no one there. One guy looks through the locked doors and when we see him walks quickly away as if he didn't see us. Steve (with a look that could kill and a knock at the door) encouraged him to come near and the ER receptionist came and gave us a wheelchair, then pointed us to the elevator and on to the next phase.

The first RN was very sweet and nice though she gave me the bad news that I was at maybe 3cm. OH yuck... however, she considered that a keeper and there we were! Admitted. Nothing to stop us now. This was really truly going to happen.

I asked for an epidural as soon as it could be not quite rude. First they'd need a blood sample for a blood test.

That didn't happen for another hour.

Then another hour for the test results.

Then the drug pusher (my friend this time) was unavailable (involved in some life saving surgery no doubt - selfish, selfish).

So I basically went about the same time without the drug as I did last time. And I decided that early labor is my transition. I don't like it. It's awful. It hurts. And it wasn't going anywhere.

My most abhorred dilation checking happened a grand total of two times while I was contracting... and I made my unhappiness known... by crying out in pain and agony. Does it hurt that bad for everyone? Apparently not.

Doc came in, more bad news on dilation. Still at 3cm.

Steve used all his muscles and endurance helping with the pain. This time I could tolerate his touch - oddly enough the pain was exactly the same but somehow, in five years, trust or teamwork or partnership or just plain love has made me able to accept, nay need, his help. Unfortunately for him, the pain was intense and therefore the acupressure had to be. Also unfortunately I could not get in a terribly good position for him to help. Needless to say, his back will be sore for as long as mine... but he's not getting drugs to help.

We were in contact with the waiting room via our concierge Samantha and text messaging.

ANYWAY at 11am or so the epidural lady arrived. And I finally started progressing.

I sent Steve off to entertain the waiting room troops so I could rest. There was a lot of messing around between the two RNs responsible for me as my blood pressure dropped and Jack's activity lessened and blah blah blah.

They gave me sugar water and oxygen and basically scared me just enough... not too majorly - it was fairly obvious the one RN was trying to tell the obviously newer one all the different options and challenges they deal with even in a non-emergency labor and using me as a felt cut out player. Course it probably scared Steve more as he had been out when this was happening and came back in to me looking green and on oxygen.

I took a lot of micronaps and really, if Steve hadn't gotten us to bed Thursday night I have no idea how much worse it could have been.

They asked me a key question: "How did your labor go last time?" and I answered I went from 5cm to 9cm as soon as I got the epidural. They exchanged glances and checked my dilation (I couldn't have cared less this time as this time I was blissfully numb).

6cm. (Baby getting squished as he lowered caused the abberrations they were worried about.

Alllright. Not exactly the same miracle dilation as Abby but at least we were getting somewhere. Doc came in not long after.

8cm. Time to rupture the water bag.

Steve was hopped up on coffee and the news that this was going to happen fast and soon. He was hilariously funny about it. Like a kid and a teenager and just plain Steve at the same time.

I was excited but still concerned that pushing Abby out in one and a half pushes was a fluke. I had been way more pilates active during my pregnancy with Abby and just didn't feel like I was as aware of me "power center" this time.

I was right. I didn't get Jack out in one and a half pushes. And no, the punchline isn't that it was only one push. I was three contractions - three pushes per contraction and a final random push. I am SO grateful. I can't... even.. tell anyone how grateful I am that I wasn't pushing for hours. Please, anyone who pushed for hours, that is not meant to make you feel awful, this is just between me and God and a big thank you for it.

OUT came JACK!!

more later...

Praise God!

Jack-Jack is part of the outside world!!

I am so grateful to God I'm embarrassed to say it because, as always, words seem small and trite in the face of the big things.

Pictures won't upload on the hospital wireless but at the very least the story will be coming up next.

It's a....

NEW CAR!!!! ;)

We are the new proud owners of a Buick Enclave... made possible by Poppa's many years of driving everyday to and from GM in SB!

pictures to follow when it's not dark.

An Ode

To 8th Grade Consumer Ed Chocolate Chip Muffins:

OH muffins,
uncomplicated and quick
400 degrees
13.5 minutes
how I love thee...
7 ingredients...memorized now...
mixed together without fuss
Muffins,
oh muffins,
True, I planned for cake tonight
and craved for Turtle cookies
and salivated over which frosting I would soon taste
Instead...
Tonight I salute you
Even though you are just as bad for me and
not as satisfying as cookies
You are,
Oh glorious muffins,
The only thing that I bake
That does not take Vanilla
Which...
at this moment
I do not have
And therefore, that makes you
My most favorite thing
that I bake...

I did say...

That the true irony of Steve's trip was going to be that after all the worrying baby would end up going the full 40 weeks. I am, oddly enough, suddenly more at peace with not progressing now that I've had the contractions and they've basically fizzled. Because at least my body is doing something.

Because before Steve got back I would have said I had no problem waiting til 40 weeks - I have been emotionally prepared for this, it's all good.

BUT as time passed and nothing was happening, that was annoying.

THEN the contractions were so consistent for so long and yet not progressing and that was annoying.

NOW I'm at an impasse... Still feeling like I may be pregnant forever - not terribly impressed with Jack's gymnastics as he is now just a fixture of my body - although now, I have the added fun of contractions with my eternal pregnancy. (a shout out here to Maggie who is may not be eternally pregnant but has had eternal contractions... hmmm... a tad worse me thinks).

AND it's sorta cool to feel the contractions because I seriously had forgotten what they felt like. They're just the "Ow?" sort of contractions not the sort that make me go into my bat cave.

So right, just fyi people, nuthin happening today progress wise -which I can honestly say, is totally fine. However, I still am not exactly open to chatting about it. I'd rather just sort of live on without paying it all too much heed until I need to.

I promise you all are on a list of some sort to be notified when we're at the hospital and they decide to keep us AND a list of those to be notified of the birth. Auntie Samantha has it all covered.

Prologue or Psych-out

Well... the good news is I now remember what contractions feel like.

The *shrug* news is that they've been coming and going for two days.

SO... my list of things I do while waiting for contractions to decide if they are true labor or not:
Tweezer my eyebrows
Color my gray
Pack my overnight bag
Do laundry
Make brownies
Eat brownies
Go grocery shopping
Finish my Christmas shopping
Watch Abby sleep (which makes me laugh because she is not the sleeping angel picturesque image you're thinking of - she has usually tossed off her covers and flung one leg over the safety rail while the rest of her limbs rest at odd angles)

Referred from Tim

Hey, I'm not saying anything 'cept it's funny.

Have I Mentioned?

I'm done done done Christmas shopping?

Or should that read: Have I gloated?

There are obvious reasons I started early but it was my skill, my brilliance, my exceptional everything that allowed me to finish and achieve great things. OH and Steve's Italy job ;).

The only problem is, now I have the bug - I want to be shopping! Doesn't anyone else need anything else bought?

Momhood...

I know I've mentioned this before... but everytime it happens I find it extremely amusing.

I was sitting there, looking through the tivo for something to watch and in my head I thought, "Ooo Backyardigans! I wonder if its new."

Oh Forget it...

Obviously I'm never going into labor. Obviously I should just get used to my state and start shopping my story around for a book deal.

I'm told everyone feels this way. I can't remember feeling this way with Abby but then again, Abby was born the equivalent of four days ago in that pregnancy.

Pfft.

Hunting/Gathering

Steve is doing the male version of "nesting" which, don't get me wrong, is beyond the coolest thing ever (I'm trying not to say it's the cutest thing ever thereby negating the manly hunting theme), but as his hormones have nothing to do with when labor comes for me, it doesn't really encourage me that the baby is coming soon.

Besides sitting down with me (just as I've always wanted) and working out furniture and what is worth spending money on and what is worth finding alternatives for and all this with his total undivided attention, Steve came to the store with me to look at fabric swatches and buy the furniture and get the delivery deal. He decided on a paint color, moved all the furniture, put down drop cloths, sanded the ceiling (okay he missed the drop cloths for that part), painted the ceiling, taped off the beams, started painting the beams, and has grand schemes for the other natural colored furniture down there.

This is not only to express how cute male hunting/gathering is, but also to tell Gramma what's going on in case we're interrupted by labor (ha... which I consider unlikely at this point - I think baby is just going to decide to stay put and never come out). SO we have the gorgeous espresso colored paint for the beams and the molding which we are also going to paint the tv stand, the little/long table in back of the couch and... we're THINKING even the table and chairs!

I put the new knobs on the old dresser Gramma painted last weekend and they look awesome. I got new tubing for the breast pump, I finished our Christmas shopping for Abby (I completely forgot we were going to buy her a two wheel bike - we might have to wait on that), I got the curtain rod for the new toy closet and curtains for it (mom, did you take the mustard colored curtains and if so were you taking those to put black out fabric on them or to use for the toy closet, I can't remember).

I took family pictures for friends (with Sarah) -examples to come.

I got dressed for same friend's baby shower (quite a feat, getting dressed now a days).

I made my next dr. appointment which hopefully I won't need.

I did some dishes...

I complained to a lot of people that I'm still pregnant at 38 weeks (I know, I know... I'm not even late and I'm complaining! It's human nature I tell you).

I almost suffocated laughing at the baby shower.

I remembered to put my mom's wallet in my dad's Abby-bag.

I didn't get anxious when I hadn't gotten the address for the paint store we were going to before we went.

I downloaded all the pictures from the picture session, chose my favorites, messed with them lightly in photoshop and am now uploading them to snapfish.

LONG day.

This time...

You know, labor just doesn't freak me out this time.

A huge part of my anxiety issues are simply about the unknown. My labor with Abby was sort of the perfect set up for this labor because I FELT the pain and I had the epidural... so I feel totally happy to go into this whole adventure again (with the exception, as I mentioned, of the sadistic centimeter checking - which really I blame Aaron for... he's on their side... just kidding, just kidding don't call the hospital and fire the epidural pusher the night I go into labor big brother old pal of mine).

Whereas if I had done it without the drug and decided, okay, that was fun, but not for me, I would be anxious for this birth because I hadn't experienced the epidural before.

So, basically, at this point I'm just done being pregnant (yes, I know I was done three months ago) but now I can be done without guilt... but I'm not going to go insane - no stair walking to force the issue... not until we're closer to the real 40 weeks anyway... But, it's just - the first time being pregnant the birth process is a tad inconceivable but not quite (in my mind anyway) as inconceivable as having an actual person in baby form become a part of our family, of becoming a mother myself. SO the birth was just more relevant or something. I was concerned about embarrassing myself or making bad decisions or just all sorts of things whereas I couldn't even really fathom the baby part.

This time, birth is just the somewhat annoying, somewhat wonderous adventure to get passed in order to get hold of the baby.

To this day the best way I've heard it discussed is by Jen G as she heard it from her midwife mother in law which was, in essence: How you cope in life is how you cope in labor. The birth process is just like any other hurdle or pain you deal with in life. How you cope with everything else is basically how you cope during birth.

I think this is why I held a certain romantic view of natural childbirth all my life. Because for my mom there was something very meaningful, very powerful, very proud about giving birth the way they wanted to (at the time she had to fight for natural). To this day, when she talks about it she gets very glowy and proud to have really gone through a painful achievement of sorts (she equates it to running a marathon - which I think is brilliant... it's not about right or wrong it's more about if you're INTO that sort of challenge. I.E. if you are, then natural childbirth just might be for you). Point being, I'm very much like my mom... well... somewhat...so I sort of just assumed I'd feel the same way about it.

I did not however. *Smirk* So, for me, Bradley was a bad idea because I don't verbalize and vent when in distress, I retreat into myself completely. So when I was in pain that is what I did and my body didn't progress even though the pain had progressed until the drug allowed me (blissfully) to relax... well for a few seconds before the pressure started of course ;).

I'm sure Lamaze would be more up my ally - breathing and concentrating - all very inner focused, all very much more me. But I have simply found that just like I would never... ever...ever be interested in running a marathon, I just don't have the interest to achieve this goal naturally. I don't begrudge anyone any decision about it - except I do think it wise to take some class on the subject so you don't go through the process and not have information that you didn't know was important to you but actually ended up being important to you and you had no power in the making it happen or not happen because you had no knowledge of it. If that made sense.

Ahhhh sigh, of course, coming to this very tidy idea is going to be all well and good unless the epi guy isn't out somewhere changing a tire or on strike or they run out of opiates or we get stuck in a snowstorm on the way to the hospital or ...

*sigh*

Attention Doctors and Nurses of the World

Just in case you were unaware... when you do that thing where you check how dilated a pregnant woman is...

It really really really ... hurts... or is REALLY weirdly uncomfortable... I'm not sure I can describe the sensation.

I do not plan on going through many labor pains this time - at least not in the traditional natural sense. I plan on waiting a decent time to go to the hospital and then asking oh so politely for the epidural when I get there.

Today was the second week the Doc checked my dilation. And it make me realize rather poignantly that the pain of contractions... that I could, if I wanted to, deal with. The awful weird pain of being checked however is something I do not ever want to deal with while in labor again. Okay, I suppose the FIRST few minutes when I get there they have to check before they give me the drug, but that's it I tell you - I want no other memory of it. I hate it. And it adds injury to injury when it's done during the pain of contractions.

Phooey. I don't like it. I remember the rather rude awakening that this is not the movies when the triage nurse checked when I got to the hospital with Abby. At that point I was already having fairly strong contractions (nothing of course to what they became but still) and I looked over at Steve like... "No, she did not!" But perhaps it was just that nurse - she's not in the labor wing... but no... And if for no other reason I am going to get the epidural just to spite... I mean just to not have to feel that three times during labor!

I am, just so you all know, an unexciting 2cm dilated at this point. What is the opposite of "nothing to shake a stick at"? because actually... it is nothing... so go ahead and shake a stick... whatever that does for ya.

A New Blog

I am toying with the idea of having a blog especially for the kids as many of you do and let my own ramblings and whinings stay on Burnt Fudge. Of course this makes checking both doubly as hard for those of you who don't spend your time with bated breath that I will post... or perhaps it will be doubly easy rather if you really just want to see the kids... then just bookmark/rss feed there! And I'm not promising I won't ramble and whine there too, but it will be mostly about mommyhood if I do... maybe... I dunno.

www.abigailandjack.blogspot.com

I will add a link on this page as well to make it easy.

Go there now for video of Abby's ballet open house.

For those of you who need help keeping up with blogs etc, see James' post on Google reader... here: http://tvjames.blogspot.com/2007/11/still-not-using-google-reader.html

Nesting and Roosting

I have my WHOLE family under my roof. Now that feels like luxury.

Steve's project was a total and resounding hit. He did not meet nor become BFF with the president of Italy however (you can't have it all).

He hasn't slept much in four days but he's still pretty cute.

Abby ran out to him to greet him and told me, "I missed Steve SO much. I really really like him." then she hugged him and said, "I missed you. And... and... I miss Auntie."

Thank you everyone for helping with Operation Turkey. I really really appreciate it.

More pics from Thanksgiving... well... more pics of the cousins from Thanksgiving (taken by my photography partner Sarah):

Accomplishment List and Wish List

ACCOMPLISHMENT LIST

Of course, the accomplishments were made 99.9% by my mom while I watched on from the couch:
clean garage
cleaned car
Organize, move toys to toy closet
Get Toy closet doors off
Move upstairs bed/furniture downstairs
Move downstairs bed upstairs
Paint Dresser rainbow for Abby's room
Paint extra Dresser black or Jack's room
Get/order new knobs for said dresser
Move flower chair to Abby's room
Move around Abby's room
Organize toys in Abby's room
Move Steve's clothes from big dresser back to ours
Move my clothes... somewhere
All laundry
Organize shoes from new toy closet into laundry room
Clean laundry room
Get rid of food we won't use
Trim Trees
Hang English wooden thingees
Paint bin drawers for Jack's room
Get new bedding for twin bed
organize Jack's clothes
Put away Jack's clothes
Found Breast Pump
Gramma's Christmas shopping
Our Christmas shopping
Poppa's Christmas shopping
Doctor's Appt
Put together stroller (Sarah & Tim did that one)
Put together Pack n' Play
Check on in-laws house
Check on Auntie Samantha's Cable
Sort/Organize baskets downstairs
Organize hall closet


WISH LIST:


Not for Christmas... If I had a chunk of money, what are the things I'd want to spend it on?

House:
Backyard
Plumbing.
Couch Downstairs/chair?
Get real walls downstairs.
Rip out bbqpit, sink, shelves downstairs.
New stairs or just iron hand rails.
Bay window renovation.
Baseboards.
Finish windows, outlets, lights in kitchen.
Carpet Downstairs or get rid of stone replace tile.
Front yard/area
Lighting outside
Sun porch chair/electricity?
Back door finish
Tub back up problem
Tub leak
Shower leak
Rug for downstairs and/or Jack's room
Rain gutter renovation
Roof

Car

Adrea:
Super cool camera
Super cool lens... SET
Super cool flash
Super cool Clothes
Super cool Shoes
Smaller laptop
Bunch of 7x7 perfect fit paper
Almost all new dishes
Super cool jewelry
Hair "done" every two weeks

Abby's Operation Turkey

The Point of Operation Turkey

http://www.thisishampshire.net/news/hampshirenews/display.var.1856876.0.queen_victoria_cruise_ship_to_be_handed_over.php

http://www.shippingtimes.co.uk/item951_queen_victoria.htm

Last Frontier?

Okay, the joke is going to be on me if this baby goes all the way to 40 weeks (Lord help me), but I have the strangest aversion to putting together the "Call List".

Julie mentioned it a few days ago and so I've been meaning to put it together and have all sorts of groups in my mind - like who really needs to be called during labor vs. emailed that labor has started while most just need to be called when baby is born or... emailed when baby is born.

Perhaps it proves I'm not officially nesting yet and when I have the urge to do that... then we're on our way... which, now that I've suggested that possibility I promise will not be until Monday night!

Cuddles...

Well, I expect to get some cuddles today from my little girl. I've missed her quite a bit. And I've figured out with the time difference that Steve is taking off from his first return leg home our time Sunday midnight.

Two more days. No whammies, no whammies, no whammies...

While they've been gone, my mom and I (mostly my mom) have been busy making changes around here. Of course I didn't take any before pictures because I'm always so discouraged and disbelieving that there will be after pictures before we start a project, I never want to stop and take a picture.

SO, those of you that have been around the house and have seen our huge mistake of a dresser, my mom and I have converted that to a rainbow fun dresser for Abby's room, brought up the floral chair I had embarrassingly covered since I realized the day it was delivered... Oh, that floral really looks... floral doesn't it? and moved things around.














In Jack's temporary room we brought the daybed up from downstairs, my mom painted an old Ikea dresser and our old little bin thingee, set up the pack n' play and changed bedding on that twin bed (and brought the rocker in from Abby's room).

Downstairs, my mom had Robert and my Dad take off the huge broken closet doors from the end of the hall closet and we're making that into a toy closet. The toy room is now going to be a nice guest room which will conveniently hide a place to keep my books. The guest bed from upstairs now takes up most of that room down there and Steve's clothes will most likely end up down there.

I'm sorting my clothes and being generally easily discouraged. ;) Not realllllllly, we got news this weekend that we'll definitely be able to afford a new couch once we find one we want- that is hugely exciting. And all the changes we have made with the house have all worked out a lot better than I expected.

Hammerheads Review

My sweetie Abby did great!! Ha! However, wow did they slice it down to nothing. The personalities on the show are so much funner than how the show ends up edited... they're missing something somewhere in post. There were several Abby things they missed too that were great. Oh well. Their show ;).

10:30 am may find a re-run if you missed the early show! HGTV

Anxiety: The Next Generation

Sorry, sorry for the vague sad post - just didn't want to incriminate anyone since the whole thing is shady on fault. I had a chance to talk to Steve after that and it was incredibly nice and diffusing to have him to talk to since I hadn't obviously been able to previously.

There was a series of communication flubs that ended up affecting Abby in Coronado and it was just hard on momma's heart not to be there. Very Thankfully, Auntie Samantha was Abby's advocate and cuddle monkey, so all was well resolved (everyone was working to resolve for Abby's best, don't get me wrong - it's just that Auntie is tasked to be specifically her voice).

Anyway, Abby had stomach problems all Thursday and one session, while she sat on the potty, leaning against Auntie Samantha, Abby said, "I think my body is telling me to relax."

And, though the stomach issues may have had nothing whatever to do with the general drama, it's also possible my little one was showing the signs of stress. BUT Auntie was comforting and diligent and cuddling and loving and relaxing so all is well today.

Not "Fully" Dropped

Ahh, my doctor. I want to make it very clear that I adore my OB. He's great. He's hilarious. I like his attitude and his general philosophies and all that.

He does, however, have a way of keeping me on my toes. At the appointment today he said nonchalantly, "Yup, he's [the baby] not fully dropped, but it could happen anytime. You're good to go."

My mom and I choke and splutter about waiting til Monday and he agrees, "My guess? I think you've still got one - two weeks," we smile, he shrugs, "But babies - they have a tendency to do things their own way."

Great.

Expectation

Abby has been working very hard to be patient to go to Coronado, but the morning of, a mere four hours before she could be on her way, her patience quotient was at an end.

We did make it to the school Stone Soup Party (and yes this is my daughter having meatball and vegetable soup)



and managed some fun before leaving and counting the seconds until Grandpa and Zoozy pulled up to the driveway. Abby then buckled herself into her seat, waved a cheery goodbye to me and tried not to look too overtly annoyed that it was taking over a minute for Grandpa to pack the trunk.

Keep your paws off Muno!

Anyone shopping for Micaiah - don't get him Muno!

Define... Nesting...

I just want to find a place for every little thing, book, toy, gadget, piece of paper that has hence found no place. That's perfectly normal...

...

LESS than a week. No problems.

Abby spent Monday decorating t-shirts with Becky. I realized half-way through the project that I had neglected to take into account one important part of Abby's personality: Her dirtiness aversion. Therefore she let Becky stain her hands into odd colors for the sake of the tie dye - happily running and splashing in the clean water around Becky in circles... and of course directing Becky in the ins and outs of tie dye and SpongeBob.

Now school is a completely different kettle of fish. If other kids are involved in the mess making, Abby could not be happier covered in mud and paint, her face splattered and her hands orange. It's just, I suppose, that if the adults are already going to be 'in it' so to speak, and there are no other kids around... Abby figures she'll leave well enough alone. She becomes a stellar cheerleader though!

Today Abby spent quality play time with Claire and Pearl. I have been told that they had an inconceivable amount of fun. We're off to see Micaiah here in a second and then hopefully we'll catch Auntie and then we're on the fast track to Wednesday!

Get a HUGE shovel...

Abby is very excited about her Thanksgiving adventure to Coronado. She called me into her room at bedtime tonight with "I need you for something!"

I go in and she says, "I had a very good idea. We could get a HUGE shovel with a really long leg and scoop up the condo and bring it closer."