2007: God proves I'm a jerk to ever doubt Him

2007, How I love thee.

2006 was such a difficult, trying year and those of you who have heard me whine through my entire pregnancy would think I would feel similarly about 2007, but it couldn't be farther from the truth. I feel like I spent 2006 on the edge of fear and doubt. 2007 was the year of the light at the end of the tunnel... the year in which I may have been sick or uncomfortable for 10 out of 12 months, but my shoulders were relaxed and my breathing eased. I couldn't sleep, but I almost enjoyed the pain because of the production (both of making a baby and of getting my scrapbooking done). Steve lost weight. I also lost weight- ten pounds, then I gained forty over the course of 9 months, and lost twenty in the course of two weeks... which sounds great until you realize theres still 20 more to go. Steve worked in Fresno and Italy. I went to England and Arizona. We made a baby. Jack entered the world and our family. Abby learned the joy of dance and dressing up... everyday. I got a cool camera and an awesome lens and took several thousand pictures. My immediate extended family gelled and settled and gave me great comfort and happiness. I saw a therapist and was unimpressively anxious. Our roof didn't leak, our floor didn't leak. We did get snookered into a big ole playhouse that we didn't want, but it gave great joy to Abby and still can. Steve and I just keep getting better at being a family, being responsible and caring and trusting and being authentic which is not always beautiful. I got great joy from Harry Potter's final chapter and got to put my arm around Nathan Fillion. Not to be outdone, Steve got a car (well, got rid of the lemon car and got my car and got a cool car for the family) and a TV. We got HEAT and AIR and rid our house of mold. We switched dressers and closets twice and now we both have all our clothes in baskets, neither of us knowing how we're going to organize ourselves. My heart broke a hundred times for each of Abby's disappointments and sang many more thousands for all her incredible beauty and sweetness. Lake Ave got a new pastor, someone I would stay in town for. Our house became cat free and I learned I am somewhat allergic to chocolate.

Things I want to do in 2008:
Continue to find a place for everything and leave it exactly where it can be found. Refuse to waste the blessings we are showered with. I know I've been enamored of my parents recently with all their help with the kids (how insane that that is a plural noun now), but I just don't want to lose a moment of how incredible they've been. I want my dad to feel appreciated for driving every single week just to give myself and my daughter a break and an adventure. I want to slow down and spend time with my mom again... rather than just heave children toward her on the way to one event or another. I want to appreciate Steve's family, give them more trust and less rush. I want to do my hair better... how that is going to happen with a baby... well... maybe we'll save that one for 2009. I want to be aware of my tone of voice - to think before I speak - to make more of those little magic decisions that make the difference between someone feeling loved and strong and appreciated and someone feeling demeaned, rejected, and humiliated. I want to spend less time worrying about making appointments and therefore less time thinking about them in general. I want to convince Abby to use a tissue on her nose. I want to be less cheap but more frugal. I want to lose anxiety.

I want to be happy on purpose.