The Good Very Long Day

We had "a day" today. Self made as usually 'days' are.

We have a very early morning appointment in the morning but otherwise I think all the Christmas stuff is going to be a piece of cake compared to this 'day'.

edited to add: Okay, sorry sorry. I was incapacitated last night with my first anxiety headache in... a couple months? In the morning I took Jack and Gramma to my hair appointment (I made the hair appointment because we had a plethora of pictures to take yesterday). Originally I made the hair appointment just for a blow dry but Chad coerced me into color promising that the first appointment of the day - it would be quick and painless. WELL... it mostly was quick, but not in the olden days of Chad quickness. In the olden days of Chad quickness we could have done cut, color, HIGHLIGHTS, and blow dry in the time he did the color and blow dry. In the morning, before we left, Abby was feeling extremely in need of Mommy. These are the moments I was dreading about having another child. I had fifteen minutes or so to finish nursing Jack, I was in quite a bit of pain (nothing by last week's standards but my body doesn't seem to register pain by comparison to worse pain!) because I'd left my Ibuprofin in the car, get ready and go. Abby was wanting to hold Jack and cuddle with me and be on my lap and just needed me. I was at my lowest sleep point yesterday and it breaks my heart that I am sure she could see I just couldn't deal with her at that moment... at least not as authentically welcoming as I would like. So she was upset we were going without her (her only sad reaction so far re: Jack's birth is when Steve and I or Gramma and I or just Jack and I go somewhere without her). Of course, I was quite aware that as soon as we closed the garage door she was fine and playing happily with Daddy... but it still felt awful to have managed to make her this needy in the first place.

SO at 10:47am , on the way back I stopped to get coffee and a scone for Steve and pick up a few essentials from the grocery store - like food for Abby (I had forgotten to leave Abby's car seat for Steve so they had been trapped in the house). I came home with renewed vigor to point towards Abby and we sat together to eat. Then we had about twenty minutes down time before it was ready to get set for our Julie West Photography 'Newborn' session.

We are always early to our meetings with Julie. Embarrassingly early... i.e. we always have to stop off and get a coffee or a snack because we're way too early. So we decided this time not to be. But as soon as we got in the car at 12:30pm I knew we hadn't thought it through. Yes it only takes fifteen or twenty minutes to get there once we are on the freeway but we live up on a hill and it takes fifteen or twenty minutes to GET to the freeway. So Steve was a little stressed which I, for no good reason, decided to get stressed about as well.

The session was, in essence, fantastic. However, any situation like this - where you are forcing your child to do something - with the added pressure of trying to force them to look happy and be cooperative while they are being forced into doing something they are not in the mood for... well... that gave me anxiety. Look at it like I had already fallen off the anxiety wagon in the middle of the night, so pretty much any and all triggers were going to be successful at making me anxious. Julie, I might add though, if anyone needs a photographer, was *so* good with Abby. Both at getting her to relax and do the pose, but also at ignoring the parent's anxiety and getting Abby to focus on her. She also didn't get uppity when Jack peed on the black sheet he was lying on and the dress she'd let Abby borrow. Further anxiety was heaped when we realized we'd forgotten the extra wipes I'd remembered to get... towards the door if not quite out of it. AND we hadn't thought to bring Abby extra clothes! Well, when Jack wet her dress (he had been lying on her at the time) it soaked through obviously to her panties and tights. Well, Abby was not going to be okay with leaving those on but we had nothing else. Julie offered up her daughter's extra panties and crisis was averted. Daddy, by the way, was also doing plenty of work keeping things working smoothly, but without a solution to the panty problem things were heading downhill.

SO by 3:30pm we were on our way home, after a quick stop at Taco Bell (which is configured weird and we went in the wrong entrance and that was a whole ordeal all to itself) we were on our way back.

At 5pm we all piled back in the car (remembering the wipes and extra clothes for Abby) and headed toward the mall. Yes, you heard me, the mall six days before Christmas (are you beginning to see why I said it was 'a day' but one that was entirely of my doing?), for our family picture. Steve dropped us off but I forgot the pacifier in my haste to leave the car and my mom forgot the wrap. My mom heads off to buy a pacifier while I hang out at the Picture People place and try to breathe through my headache. We can't find my Ibuprofin in the diaper bag even though I know its there. Picture People is general chaos with generally apathetic staff (only at our mall). It's a large group with two tired kids who are having a great time chasing each other and banging on windows, but we all know... there's a ticking timebomb in the room and it's all about whether or not the kids will be up for the picture by the time we get in there.

But WHOO we luck out and get one of the two fantastic, on the ball photographers to work with at our store. This is huge. She is quick, friendly, and efficient. It's still quite a task, but we get through it with generally nice results. Even the wait for the preview isn't as long as it could have been considering the crowd... but in my pounding head, I'm worried it will be horribly long. The men and Auntie take the kids to blow off some steam at the play ground which happens to be closed because a child threw up all over the place. They go get food instead (PERFECT because Abby was starving). Jack is ready to nurse and I take him, remembering just in time Nordstrom has that great little room for nursing.

Everyone decides on El Torito for a late dinner (late for us anyway). I am wholeheartedly for it because I am starving and haven't had El Torito in like... a week! However, I am fully aware that Abby is very very close to melt down. I wasn't *too* worried about this because I knew I had helpers there to help, but considering at this point my headache was just bad I wasn't doing so hot. Everyone was spread out everywhere and Abby was again wanting me when I couldn't give her what she needed.

We'd talked about doing Christmas lights after but Abby was so tired even she didn't want to go at first. She changed her mind rather sadly and off we went. It was worth it... it really was. She was so happy and enthusiastic about the lights. But the poor girl was so exhausted she fell asleep as soon as there were four houses in a row without any lights and we actually woke her up so she could see the 'pink house with a hundred lights on it'.

I put her to sleep while Daddy drove Samantha home and Gramma started putting the day's mess away. Then I lay on the rug next to Jack's car seat while he slumbered (making warning gurgling noises that he'd need his nighttime nursing fairly soon) and tried to breathe through my headache and force the medicine to work.

So you see, I'd created that day. Every appointment we had was made by me. Every decision endorsed.

The biggest thing though is that Gramma cuddled with Jack in between feedings all night long so everyone (including Gramma and Jack) got a lot more sleep last night than we have in... well, Jack's whole life.

So, THIS morning (Thursday) I was ready and emotionally prepared to give Abby a little extra cuddling. Sweetest/Saddest comment from Abby this morning : Gramma was up and ready to play or make breakfast with Abby and told Abby that while Abby climbed into bed next to me. A few minutes went by and I thought Abby had grown bored because she left, but apparently it was worrying her that she had rejected Gramma because she found her and said, "I'm sorry that I love Momma better Gramma, I just have to cuddle with her, I'm sorry." To which Gramma obviously gave reassurance and Abby climbed back up next to me.