Happy Posts are Boring

Have I already told you the somewhat embarrassing story of when I was in my English class... It was this professor that everyone else loved and who I had somehow alienated. Anyway, I didn't yet realize she detested me and we were in a roundtable sort of discussion about poetry and I was hopelessly disgustingly in love with Steve and I piped up with the question of why only sad poetry was revered. I mean that's not absolute but I was trying to point out that while obvious it didn't mean it made sense.

She looked at me like I was a bug. Perhaps because half the poetry in the world is sad and the other half is about being in love so I was just plain wrong. Eh. Whatever. I got the point.

ANYWAY, all that to say, I'm really enjoying this holiday season (with the one condition of sadness for Jen that she can't enjoy it to its fullest). Our pace just doesn't seem particularly feverish this year. Even though my mom and I were squinting as we threaded needles last night at midnight - it's not like we're not BEHIND, but I don't know. I'm just happy.

And I was also thinking of my general contentment with my own death. Snort. It's not my fault - Pastor Greg spoke about very elemental things in church last night and it was very effective and impacting. And I realized that the only reason I really fear death (the concept anyway) is because I so don't want to abandon my kids (who would be fine considering all the love from family and friends that even now constantly surrounds them). I don't have other goals besides being generally the best that I can be otherwise. I dunno. I found it interesting. It might just be the momma bear phase of life, but it's the only regret that would matter much to me... at least once I was dead. Until then I would be kicking and screaming to stay for sure. But AFTER, eh, I'd be okay except for the kids part. See? Being uninterested in travel has some perks - no regret of visiting other places in the world on my deathbed.

I am rather hypocritical on the subject of other people's deaths however. I am not willing to stand for that.

Speaking of the whole life and death thing - I hope all you bloggers feel inadequate that Jen is beating most of you in the "Who's Blogged Most Recently" contest even though she's recovering from another CHEMO treatment. I'm just sayin'.