I continue to be frustrated that who I am and what I mean do not seem to bridge the gap from internal to external.
Quite frankly I'm always surprised when you all know me because it seems an equal if not greater frequency that someone will reveal something they think of me and it be nothing at all what I had intended or what I believe to be a part of me.
SLOW TO ENGAGE perhaps - the toe dipping in the water makes it so that alot of people just know one or two of my toes.
Snort.
edited to add:
(thank you, I got the art history book - now I have to wrap it!)
So what I meant was - it's not that I think I'm oh so complicated and no one gets me - it's more that I'm surprised that people get me or know me because I don't feel I'm getting the me I think I am out when talking to people. But I suppose what you say is the least important and those of you who have me figured out are listening to "how" I say... yup - that must be it. Which is actually very comforting now that I'm thinking about it. Because no matter how well I communicate, I'm still communicating.
All right. That makes sense.
120: Yellow
3 months ago
7 comments:
I would really, really like some elaboration on this. Though, I have a feeling it is very personal.
Also reminding you about the art history books.
Could several monthsl of lack of sleep have anything to do with this state of being? Just asking?
Well that and baby hormones and pregnancy hormones and pregnancy... I Love love love the baby product of getting pregnant - I'm really not that fond of the havoc pregnancy wreaks on some parts of me.
At some point you just gotta trust that the genuine "you" comes thru to people amidst all the stumbling and tripping we all go through.
I agree with your mom, dear. The baby thing is HUGE and must not be under-estimated. It really takes a year or more (!) post-baby to re-engage in life in anything even remotely approaching normal. Remember, Anna didn't start sleeping through the night until she was 22 months old. I think that in many ways I was basically incoherent until then.
And, remember, one of the reasons that we "get" you is that some of us have known you for a while. We've had quite some time to get used to the way you communicate, to see the hows and start to understand the whys.
Mmmmm - I understand you very well, dear. Should I be concerned about that?
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