Loss and Gain

Okay, future Jack if you read this - please first and foremost realize that I am totally and completely in love with you in the most ardent and appropriate motherly ways. You smile and it lights up my day, you cry and I want to kiss your ears off, you walk and I squeal with glee - it's pathetic, absolutely pathetic how much I adore you.

That being said. The last two nights have been tough - but I've had a good attitude throughout because Jack's sickness showed me how Steve and I can get through an impossible night in shifts without either of us being totally wasted the next day. So even though Jack getting used to his crib again (he couldn't sleep in there at all when he was sick - he couldn't sleep laying down!) has been long and arduous and repetitive - it's also been rewarding. I've gotten him to the point where all I have to whisper is "lay down" and he'll lay down and go back to sleep (3 times out of 4 he'll look up in three minutes to check if I'm still there - that's what we're working on next). I really am happy with not being crazy angry and just repressing it. I'm genuinely relaxed and positive even the thirtieth time I go back into Jack's room.

Anyway, first night was impossible. Second night was great until 1-3, but otherwise still great for Jack. But of course I was still catching up from the night before and of course this night of all nights Abby gets sick. It just happens that way.

So Abby was throwing up or on the verge when I had just put Jack down and actually threw up about an hour after I finally got to sleep when Jack was in Daddy's shift. So I got no sleep.

Steve, being the saint he is, took Jack into the office (saints that they are) so I could dose in between Abby's cries of abdominal pain (which I did, shockingly enough). My mom, saint that she is, then took Abby for some time so I could play with Jack and not be worried of cross contamination and then tripled her sainthood by offering to take Jack for the night considering he sleeps all night for HER and we're probably going to be up cleaning up after Abby tonight.

And believe it or not I have not gotten to the actual point of this post yet.

The point is, Abby, though miserable, and asleep most of the night has been... precious in a way I haven't noticed her being precious in a long long time. Not that she hasn't been - but this is a special way - this is the "it's just the three of us" way.

She woke up from her nap happy but wanting to cuddle. I showed her the video I'd gotten her to watch during the day home from school and she hugged me. Steve told her I'd gotten it for her to make her feel good and she just sighed and said, "I love you Mommy." then she whispered in my ear, "Tell this to Daddy - tell him I love him too."

Then a second or two later, she whispers to me, "I'm going to go over there (two feet) show him this video you got me."

It's a subtle thing. A sweet thing. And I think a real thing. I wouldn't trade Jack for anything OBVIOUSLY. But I wouldn't trade all the time it was 'just the three of us' for anything either.