I never caught up to 2008 and now it's essentially gone for good.
Jack did almost everything he's ever done in life in 2008 - that was pretty exciting. I always think it's amazing how much babies get accomplished in just one short year.
Abby took her role in the family by the horns and somewhere in there blossomed in it. When I was looking through the ghost thumbnails of the last year, one thing very clear is that no matter what else was happening, Abby was, without fail, a doting big sister the ENTIRE time. I have picture after picture after picture of Abby proudly holding Jack, laughing as he's squirming or lunging from her arms, just plain adoring him - choosing to ignore the camera. I'm so proud of who she is all on her own... but she just out-glows herself when I think about how she makes Jack feel. He, of course, thinks the sun rises and sets by her whim, but, because she's been so loving to him, he thinks the coolest kid in the world finds HIM the coolest kid in the world - and there is no other feeling like that.
Steve seems to have come into his own in this business of his. But he's a born leader with Personality, integrity, and a cute smile, what else can he do but succeed?
I've turned into a photography madwoman. Which has been awesome. I've not enjoyed some parts to it, and still don't exactly know what the plan is, but it's a captivating passion which isn't anything to sneeze at. I'm constantly wishing I could do more, push further, but my hermit ways are a good balancer since I do, after all, still have a young family to take care of.
My mom moved into town and I think I proved that the crux of the arrangement will be her getting any time at all to herself, not (as she was concerned about) that I would get sick of having her in town. HA.
Seriously, that deserves a moment.
Ha!
My dad has found a new passion for good things, it felt new and un-tested at the end of last year, but now I think it is very cool he's involved with what he's involved with.
And the rest...
It's just been a good year. A chaotic year. I, of course, can't remember the year before except for the pregnancy and I sort of feel like that was where that feeling of "I can't do this" started. Where it really truly feels like this chaos is not of my making. The photography sessions - yeah that's all me. But the ... I don't know... it's just felt totally unmanageable without outside help and that's where my mom's chaotic year comes in. A baby just disrupts one's world I suppose.
I get this sick sort of feeling like it's not going to go away (this feeling) and everyone is going to resent my weakness. But you know, I could BE a hermit when I only had Abby - there were no other obligations beyond family. It's the juggling that's so hard - I hope. And as Jack flourishes into toddlerhood and beyond, there will be more freedom than now. Less chaos... right? Mostly?
I get that sometimes it gets worse - but this year it has just felt like every single week theres a mini-disaster to work through. And my mom doesn't believe me that it hasn't 'always been like this. It CAN'T have been.
Right, so what was I talking about?
Farewell 2008, I hardly knew thee.
120: Yellow
3 months ago
2 comments:
You forgot the continuing magic of your blogging, dear. It's the 1st thing I check after the mail EVERY day and it adds a warm and important treat to each day and the sense of family and friends that means so much to everyone. (Yes you may miss a day or two IF you must)
I know you know that - for all moms - there's NO harder (or finer) work than loving mothering. You and Steve have given yourselves yet another great year of parenting and I hope whenever you're down even a little, you'll remind yourself to be as proud of yourself as I am of you - and that's a LOT of proud, girl.
Well, I think that a lot of the chaos you speak of could either amp up or dissipate depending on a few things (your choices for activities, your kids preferences, etc). I mean, imagine the craziness that could happen in a few years if Jack and Abby are at different schools with different activities (e.g., soccer practice and games, ballet, friends who live in opposite directions, art or cooking classes or....whatever). So long as you are the driver, there's bound to be a sense of losing your hermitage for a while as you help your kids get through their next several years of life. BUT I do believe that part of it is also a happy chaos (NOT the mini-disasters of which you speak), a happy chaos of having children and family and wanting to do be and be all that you and they can be! That managed chaos is a beautiful thing. Looking back I sometimes have no idea how my parents managed four (FOUR!) of us, but they did....and I think we all have a lot of happy memories of the time. There may be a lot of years that flew by, such as you describe here, but that's all part of life: living it and loving it to the full, craziness and all! : )
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