"This is tough, Momma, I can't do it." Things I've been hearing for four hours off and on from my precious. She has an ear ache. Of course she does. It is, after all, Saturday night. When else do children have horrible pain than when it is least convenient to go to a doctor?
Ironically enough we actually have a doctor's appointment Monday for her normal four year old stuff.
She just wants to sleep and can't through the pain. Almost hallucinating in her half-dream state... she reaches out for me even though I've already got her. She says she wants to play with Daddy and doesn't want to pick a puzzle. She says she wants me to lift her up and rock her but that just makes it worse. She wants me to keep my hand over her ear but then that doesn't help either. For long stretches she can't speak because she can just cry. Sometimes I can decipher something like 'we can't talk about this anymore' (i.e. leave me a lone and let me cry) or 'I want you to fix this' or 'i need the buckle two.' Of course I have no idea what the buckle two is or whether its buckle 'to' or buckle 'too'. She also wants me to go look for a doll... but not leave her side to do it.
"I don't know what to do" are both Steve and my thoughts but Abby actually says it... obviously not realizing she's already breaking our hearts with this, she doesn't need to twist the knife! Poor little sweetie.
The saddest thing is that I think what she really needs is to be left alone. If I try to figure out what's wrong in the moment she wakes up I think it just makes the wake up pain last longer whereas if I leave her to go prepare a warm compress she's already fallen asleep by the time I get back.
When she does fall asleep the peace that rushes through me reminds me of when she was a baby and those moments when finally she would surrender to sleep and all the tension just melted away from me. There's less of that now, though there is still a sense of calm about me like no other when I know she's asleep in her bed. I stare at her still little face and give her a quick eskimo kiss before trying to extract myself from the bed.
SO it's 3:30am and once again, I am awake against my will. Do I go back to my bed with hopes that Abby will rest for longer than ten minutes or do I stay here so I don't have to make the jog back?
I slept great last night. Whoo hoo.
UPDATE: Sweet little stinker is fine. Finally slept after I put a warm compress over her ear. Woke up to come cuddle and complain she still had medicine in her ear. Daddy got her an apple fritter.
120: Yellow
3 months ago
4 comments:
Sad. See my email...
Oh, yes, very sad. It occured to me that something might be wrong...but I dismissed it and went instead to self introspection. Maybe she was bored, because we didn't have time to wash the car which is one of her favorite things to do with gramma. Maybe she is getting too old for grandma hang out time. Maybe I could teach her to play a card game - War (the bane of every parents existance) now that she knows her numbers. Maybe we need to go to the park more often...and on.
And after all was not about gramma and her insecurities. I knew she had a little cold (though no fever); It was unusual for her to talk about Mommy and Daddy and wanting to go home "as soon as we are done shopping"...usually its; "lets make some BIG cookies, gramma" or "help me make a fort, gramma" or "lets put this picuter on the puter, gramma". Sigh...be thinking of you.
Oh, poor dear. Poor all of you. Hoping that your little big girl is feeling much better very, very soon.
I remember so clearly this most painful parent part -- forced to watch your little one hurting. It didn't really matter whether it was a splinter or a bad cold ... this incredible love we have as parents .. when the little face looks to you to DO SOMETHING and all there is to do -- actually, everything there is to do is to just be there. And we are there .. heart and soul. What a gift to both parent and child .. what an honor it is for us to be there.
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