Creative Outlet vs. Pregnancy Brain

Well, its official. Though I may not be a better parent when I am in the midst of a creative project, I am definitely in a better mood. Which one, of course, could argue makes me a better parent but I am guessing Abby would beg to differ when she says, "You can't leave me alone. You have to keep an eye on me!" So, if I could keep the creative project to nights and school it would be ideal... but at the moment I'm stuck. And in a notably worse mood because of it.

Possibly not for long.

I have scrapbooked myself into a corner. Waiting for more paper and more pictures though still not totally sure which pictures are going to go in what album.

I have outlined myself into a challenge. Back a while ago I posted that I had an outline for the great Adrea novel (see earlier blogs on my hesitancy to admit to doing such a thing at all) and now all there was to do was to write it. Well, that outline was still a bit mucky and I've revised it. And now it's really clean... just sitting there... waiting for me to write it.

The problem is I don't want to start because I think I'm not ready to devote my brain or limited energy to it. I notice myself staring off into space a lot when I'm pregnant, either preoccupied with the current and tangible work of being pregnant - like the poking and prodding from the undoubtedly cute alien being within me or with the ephemeral wonderings or questions about when baby will arrive, what he will be like, how Abby will handle everything, how I will handle everything, taking my time whilst still having fun planning...

I'll bet I've seen this vacant yet pregnant expression on a lot of pregnant mom's faces over the years. I feel like it lasts from around the time we think we've conceived (or, if it takes a while, the time we decide to try) until the child is about... age... 2? And there is a part of me that isn't too sure I'll be able to devote myself to writing until then - not just the time constraint... the... immersion of it. Eh, we'll see.

On the other hand, this rather oddly focused meandering of the mind might serve well. I was, after all, able to see the outline clearer because I wasn't dear about it.

The scrap-booking has been a good substitute for the past month because it's really focusing on exactly what my mind insists on meandering about - kids, family, life. And it's creative... and it's tactile. Doing something with my hands seems to force my brain to pay a little more attention to the here and now... which is good. And typing doesn't count.

BUT point being, I am happier doing things with results. I am happier doing things when I've slept. I am happier when I am not worrying about people that I cannot control. I feel guilty actually not worrying about people I cannot control but... much happier... so I'll just continue on with that.

p.s. the latest carton of milk I bought tastes of metal again. And it's NOT just pregnancy. I had one dated Oct 15 that tasted like this and I went and bought one with an Oct 16 date presuming it had to be a different batch and it was fine. Now, Oct 20... back to drinking aluminum foil.