The Problem with Birthdays

OOOOOOH geez, I've done it now. I forgot a friend's birthday... like by a lot. No idea if she's been upset about it or not.

I have no idea why I have no head at all for birthdays, but I don't. Nope, none at all.

I could defend myself saying I don't really care about my own birthday much and I certainly try for my family to make it something they care about. But I don't know anyone else's birthday. I hardly ever do.

But I don't want to be a jerk and be defensive when someone says they are hurt.

Ugh. I don't expect all of you to call me for my birthday. It's nice. I certainly appreciate the trouble and sentiment.

I enjoy being nice to people and making them feel good so there is a part of me that would like to be good about birthdays.

As Hazel has always said, she makes a big deal about birthdays because its the only "holiday" that's all about the individual.

That makes sense. And it certainly made me feel good when she went all out decorating my desk for my birthdays at the office.

And yet it does not help me put birthdays on my radar in the least. I mean, obviously KID'S birthdays are different. I'm not going to tell Abby that her birthday doesn't matter. But, seriously, until she could really appreciate what was going on - I didn't really do anything for her. We had a party obviously but early on that is really more for the adults. Her second birthday we just had family get together.

How would I feel if everyone forgot my birthday? Well, as long as you aren't family, I'm not sure I would be counting, you know? I wouldn't remember you had or had not mentioned it.

Defeated sigh.

Am I allowed not to care about birthdays? That's what my defensiveness is saying - look, it's just not what I do. But I'm not confident that that is "ok".

Part of it is I'm not a particular slave to the calender... in other words, I'm about as competent with a calendar as I am with a map. The only reason I keep track of the date with any sort of regularity is because I need to know when I have to work at Abby's school.

Sigh of ultimate failure.

I am sorry for the past and in advance everyone for completely not making you feel good on your birthdays; For forgetting entirely or having a vague notion of when it is and being too embarrassed that I don't know the exact date that I don't call at all.

I would love to be better at it, but it feels like there are a whole load of other things I need to get organized in my life ahead of being good about entering and following through with birthdays.

Jen P knows. I forgot her birthday like ten years in a row. One year I called to wish her a happy birthday on her birthday and forgot that is why I called and didn't say anything at all about it. In fact, maybe I'll blame it on Jen P this time. Her birthday is coming up and I've been so geared up to remember it that I had tunnel vision and totally missed this other friend's birthday. Yup, all Jen's fault. That makes it nice and tidy.

BUT I don't think it'll fly.

Triple sigh.