Fruits of Happy Project?

Steve and I had a big long discussion tonight about our family - what we want to change and why we haven't mainly. And while this could have gotten quite daunting considering the things I want to change are... everything that I haven't yet conquered and the reasons I feel I haven't have to do with pregnancy and the expectations of what it will be like once baby gets here and I don't really see any solution to it (i.e. Hmm, I've done this before and it wasn't easy!).

Long story, short is that frustration and the feeling that the task to change is overwhelming has kept me from doing the changing. It doesn't have to do with Steve not doing his part (he's doing great)... in one sense it has nothing to do with Steve at all. However as he has been re-evaluating on his side who he wants to be in the family he will (starting now) have a much more involved role in the household. Note : That is not code for Steve doesn't help out and now he's going to. He has, for longer than I can remember, made the effort to go above and beyond in that respect. What he hasn't been is involved. And what that means is, I make my effort to control and manage the house and he does as I ask or does what needs doing on his own. He doesn't ever really see how everything relates to one another - as in the laundry lagging because I'd tried to tackle clutter or get supplies for some household project.

We still won't end up with a chores list, because believe it or not, it's not really the chores that are the issue. But what we hopefully will end up with is a basic plan for the week ahead of us - An understanding and therefore an expectation and even an accountability of what our family is doing with ourselves.

I love knowing what to expect.

I LOVE knowing what to expect.

Anyway, there have been two turning points that I am aware of in my marriage in that rather than pout and act out like a two year old I prayed that we would be able to break out of the habit cycle we were in and for Steve specifically to show leadership in doing so. Obviously these were times when I did not feel I had the strength or even the drive to do so myself. Both times Steve has stepped up to a ridiculous degree. As in, one day he has had no interest or notice of the issue and the next he was in the lead - and not just dragging me, but doing this oddly great job of leading sensitively.

Well, I didn't pray for a change this time. This time I suspect my happy project made a difference. I need to remember when I started that. But the basic idea was that I was going to be more responsible for being deliberately happy or in a good mood specifically when Steve came home or after Abby went to bed (reason being, I do that naturally with Abby all day - you can't have a bad attitude while being a mom or else you are just not being a nice mom - and so all the sulk that I'd been storing all day tended to be waiting for alone time with Steve). It didn't take long for it to settle in as a habit even amidst my first trimester misery.

My hope (and I hope this because if it's true then I'm proud of myself) is that with that weight lifted off Steve's shoulders, he was empowered to take his next step.

As a record and pat on my own back (because ya know, no one does that for you when you're all grown up) laundry used to be a chore I just couldn't get a handle on and I'm happy to say that I am more normally up to date than I am behind - which is huge. The other thing I've been tackling is my food obsessions and while the changes have been subtle (that IS code for, you might not have seen it but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened) it certainly feels like the outcome is that I haven't gained a significant amount of weight yet this pregnancy. I'm still perfectly fine if the way I gain weight in pregnancy is close to 40 pounds, I'm just saying that if it is more in my control than not, it would just be great if there were ten less pounds to get rid of in 2008. Important thing is healthy baby - I know, I'm not starving - just not bowing to every craving.

I don't currently have much hope for the unconquerable things (cooking dinner and getting back on the treadmill basically) but on the same breath, these are things I have conquered just recently in the past and there is nothing holding me back at all... (except being really tired because I have a baby growing in me).

HA! Another conquerable that would help that would be bedtime because... this is ridiculously late to be up when I am pregnant and about to embark on conquering unconqerable changes.

So with that... goodnight.