Lame but True

I know, I KNOW, I know... okay? So before you start to roll your eyes at me and shake your head and mutter under your breath, I KNOW. Really. I do.

BUT

It's really difficult not to get discouraged when the little dot and weight line on the body test on Wii Fit keeps going up and up even though I'm working out. And it's not just the Wii, I've been doing consistent exercise for about a month and a half. Sigh. I suppose that isn't very long... and YES, I KNOW, I'm pregnant. I don't want to like LOSE a bunch of weight. I just want to maintain sort of because I know I had a good ten pounds of extra weight to START with on this pregnancy, and I'm absolutely sure that everything I've gained hasn't been strictly baby related.

I mean I'm not depressed about it. I'm just admitting to being disappointed when the little body index meter says what it says.

Snort - by the WAY - what is UP with the Wii voice saying "Oh!" when I step on the balance board?? Is this just like living in a Garfield comic where the bathroom scale is passive aggressive? Even if I can't exercise when I get back from the hospital I am going to get back on the Wii Fit to do the body test. Oh Lord, I just realized something depressing. I'm probably going to be about the weight I was when I started this whole thing when I get back from the hospital with normal weight gain. BAH.

Hmmm, maybe if I knew what this baby was going to be named I could concentrate more on him than on how incredibly HUGE my butt is.

12 weeks or whatever I have left is just a really long time. And I've basically stopped sleeping again and I'm basically all caught up on scrapbooking - EVEN Hawaii.

I suppose I could try to finish up Steve and my ten year album. It's only a few pages left though, and I have to order some prints probably... I'll work on that.

Oh. I was only mentioning the sleep because I'm sure it impedes my ability to be good-minded. I.E. not only could that contribute to more weight (why is that if I'm not eating while I'm awake at night? maybe because I'm not focused enough to be better during the day? I think I've been eating less though, not more - no energy to make dessert or anything else), but also lack of sleep obviously messes with one's pov in so many areas.

I was going to complain I can't "keep my eye on the prize" because it's so very far away it's just discouraging, not to mention the relief and happiness of that prize comes with the cost of WOW LIFE CHANGING EVERYTHING. And I can't just live today on it's own because... and then I couldn't think of a reason why I couldn't which made me think maybe the sleep is an issue. I am able to get naps thanks to Steve and my mom. So maybe it's not an issue. Maybe I'm just doomed to be pregnant forever with the baby who could not be named... What? That doesn't sound like positive thinking? I'm saying it with a positive tone of voice... that doesn't count?

SO the new plan is to live in the present. This will not help the naming process. Just so you all know.

But, living in the present means to me in this particular slice of my life:
enjoying that babymine is safely ensconced where I don't have to keep track of him or worry about him swallowing marbles left on the floor.
loving on, doting on, cuddling with, tickling, smootching Jack (thought I was going to say Steve huh?) while there is not the babymine to compete with.
building up, loving, listening to, spending time with Abby when the single sibling she has is napping or otherwise occupied - i.e. giving her some quality time while we have some left.
"Finishing" up the downstairs - at least as much as we can do. Not rushing, really thinking.
Living with Steve, enjoying the ease and constantly growing strength of where we are in our relationship...
Striving to do the little things that I can do to keep the house falling into disaster... everyday...whenever I get up or move from room to room or etc ec.
Working with the photography still... not giving up, letting myself wander aimlessly waiting for 12 weeks to pass.
Exercise - if for no other reason that it makes me feel better, it's generally fun and definitely helping me carry this weight thru day to day.
Trying not to become completely anti-social.
Paying attention to God. Accepting that I'm not patient, then letting it go and seeing how well I can do these things.
Food - CHILL OUT, just try eating well. Don't make and eat a whole batch of cupcakes. Look at the small decisions I make everyday.

So... that's the general plan. Ready? Break!