Watched a fantastic show about photographers on new Ovation channel tonight and it really got me thinking. In part, it got me thinking I am straining myself to emulate this other photographer and I should let myself be me more (But still, I want to achieve what she achieves, thats not the same thing, is it?!). And also it got me thinking once again about the way in which I interact with people... whether I'm taking their picture or not - but especially when I'm taking their picture. Very tentative and self-conscious - embarrassed to be asking. And I think that I get a little of that back in my pictures... Unless I am just pretending really well to be brazenly confident and un-caring. Which I can do... pretty well... now and then... So, just like anything, I'll try to pretend to be completely at ease all the time and eventually I will be.
One of the photographers in this show talked about how just the way he talked to the subjects as he set up the shot - as just not a big deal, really easy, la la la... really impacted the subjects - which makes total sense... but hey - I'm starting from square one here.
This goes back to the distance I usually like with the camera... Which once again validates this photographer suggesting I start practicing with dolls rather than people...
Incidentally, I've also become self-conscious that this blog makes me sound a lot more sad and helpless than I am. I bring my worries here and I leave them, you know? I don't have the luxury (or desire... much) to wallow around in my little miseries (OH woe I do hate the dishes though... really... I do...) all day long. I just need to blurt them out... and there they are... and then off I trot on with my day.
I was telling a friend the other day how I'd sort of accidentally painted myself with the shy and hapless brush with another mom at school and so this mom had began encouraging me to go to support groups and I'm sort of like - no - really - don't have space for MORE community thanks - but not exactly sure how to repaint myself without just seeming completely defensive. Oh well. It is funny though, I have to resist both impulses; A) the impulse to act completely the opposite and spout off how incredibly blessed I am to have ALL my family generally near by and the FRIENDS and the CHURCH and how ANY ONE of them would drop everything if I so much as sniffled and B) the impulse to politely play the role she expects and start hunching over and looking furtively around as if I am scared of people.
It's so funny - I don't actually think of myself as out-going you know. But I realize I must be when I compare myself with people who really really aren't. I had a crush on a shy guy when I first started going to Westmont (I hadn't met Steve yet) and I sorta tried to play up the shy thing to fit into the girl I pictured him with. And when he was talking to a friend of mine when the friend was also trying to play up the "new girl at school" routine he was shocked when they described me as shy or quiet. I guess even when I'm trying, it doesn't really work... except with this mom at the school... oh well... Maybe I'll drop off Abby at school tomorrow with mascara running down my cheeks...
Point being even when I don't sound fine everyone, I really am... Or if I'm not - I'm just a chocolate chip cookie bar away from it.
RTO
5 months ago
2 comments:
I have heard (and it works for me if I have been away from drawing for awhile) that emulation is a great way to build skills. As you are able to replicate to your own satisfaction, you will naturally add it to your collection of knowledge and move on in your own way.
Personally, I would think the interaction with the subject would be the toughest hurtle...she, the photographer, can't always have willing subjects.
And to make a long comment longer. I always wanted to see what amazing things would happen if you actually focused intensly on something creative. The art/watercolor/music either comes too easy for you or, perhaps, it brings you pleasure BECAUSE you don't have to work at it.
The photography is differnt and I look forward to watching you struggle to perfection - a hundred times, because I would guess that perfection today will not be perfection for you tomorrow.
Ok, so you are an introvert and a homebody, but that doesn't make you pathetic or anything!
Don't stress about seeming sad/helpless here. Of course, I blog too so I get how sometimes only certain things make it onto "paper" so to speak while some really great things go left unsaid (great as in happy wonderful etc).
If it means anything at all, it seems to me that you've come a long way already with the photography. Even to my untrained eye! : )
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