Love you Forever

Speaking of books. Abby can now sing the song from "Love You Forever' by Robert N. Munsch. I am a little undecided on this book. There are parts of it that make me cry every time. There are parts that are just awkward. There are parts that are sweet. So, you get the idea.

But the song Abby recites is "I love you forever, I like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." She sings it to me and to the measuring spoons she'd swaddled in dish rags. Which is enough to firmly establish the book in my heart ... even with the awkward sneaking of the Mom into the grown man's room. Er Hm. We'll just gloss over that.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up - besides to have a record of another of those cute, sweet, heartrending things Abby does, is because I have a very strong reaction to this book as the mom.

If you haven't read it, I'll tell you that basically the mom sings this song to her son throughout the stages of his lifetime. And as he gets older the mom gets older - until sure enough the mom is dying and the son goes to see her and she can't sing the song anymore so he sings it to her (Except saying 'My mommy, you'll be"). And then he goes home and this is the part that makes me cry every time - he stands at the top of the stairs for a long time. Then he goes into his baby's room and sings her the same song.

My reaction is that the mom starts out young and beautiful with this sweet (and maybe a tad insane) sparkle in her eye. And within four pages as this boy grows into a man - her life goes by.

And yes, I realize quite fully that the job of a mom is the most important and special thing in the world - that is not my problem. I don't feel unappreciated, I don't feel like my life is a waste, I don't feel like no one understands. I just... find it so... sad... that the mom dies and life has to go on.

Like, obviously the boy/man in this book loved his mom and understood how wonderful she was. But at the same time... I guess my issue is that I became a bit too invested in the mom. I think it is a testament to the author that he has the page where the son just pauses. It gives everyone a chance to pause, grieve, etc. But I guess overly- sensitive me needed more time to grieve before he picks up the new baby and I'm supposed to see hope and new beginnings and how the mom's ability to give the son love now enables the man to give his daughter love and etc etc.

But excuse me - that wonderful goofy lady with the sparkle in the eye is dead - the lady that thought the sun and the moon revolved around her child and she's just gone from her child's life. And I'm unhappy about it even if that child is grown.

Perhaps if I knew her other hobbies... her identity besides motherhood... I could wrap my head around her as a well-rounded person. But it's this image of all the millions of things moms do in a child's lifetime - the thousands of diapers and naps and treats and meals and adventures and worry and love and pain and uncertainty and the all-consuming nature of the whole thing. And you do all this with the intent on sending them off to find their own life - I'm just supposed to enjoy the process of loving them through service & affection and be fulfilled by the end result of being left behind!

*snort*

Yes I know - this is why we need to protect the relationship with our spouses - because they are the only ones it's appropriate to expect a commitment of *thereness* from - after all they are the ones that promised to stick around.

And, yes, I know that when it comes time I will be exactly that - fulfilled by this incredible journey that does indeed give me much joy daily.

I'm just... there is just a part of it that is sad.

And, yes, it is an emotional time of the month and an emotional time of life as Abby celebrates a birthday and starts school.

But it sometimes makes me sad even without any of that.