Can't Catch Hold

I couldn't imagine not remembering the cutest most wonderful little moments when Abby was our only baby.

I was shocked to only barely remember things that had been constant everyday trials or joys as I watched others get to the same point with their babies.

Then came Jack and this time I knew it would be hard to remember everything - but still... certainly I thought, I'd never forget THIS.

Only to go back on the blog and be shocked what I'd forgotten just weeks later, months later.

Now I look at Finn with my usual spirit of "accepting what you can't change" and I'm just - trying to catch these moments and hold on so I'll remember but I know that won't work. I know that I'll only barely remember how incredibly cute he is as he toddles quickly around as if he owns the place.

I mean, I'm impatient to get to the point where I can talk life out with the kids rather than go moment to moment from head crash to hysterical over something or other. But I want still want to remember everything as I hopefully move passed it.

I was reading him a story and he knows a lot of his letter sounds and he's just so cute as he says them and he giggles at the silliest simplest things. And he brings people the remote if we have forgotten to fast forward thru the commercials or heaven forfend if we're NOT watching 'wipeout'.

Anyway, while reading the story I grabbed his little face and kissed him and hugged him so much he was TRYING to get into his crib. But he's just so dang cute and I can't believe I won't even be able to imagine this stage as I look back at it in video and pictures. I'll cry out "I can't believe how little Finn was! I remember that look!" but really, I'll really only be able to really truly see Finn as whatever age Finn is at that moment. This all will be like a movie memory - flat and not quite tangible.

It's the tangible I long to keep. The softness of the skin, the feel of the cuddle and the pats on the back as he expresses his happiness that I have retrieved him from the crib in the morning or after nap.

sigh... I still feel wrapped up in a time whirlwind. I am scattered in the wind.