Christmas Breakdown 2009

Let's just say we were unfocused.

Steve's very cool extended gig at Horse Racing TV was half of the distraction. Brightwaters Photography +Three kids made up the other half.

I gained back four pounds during Steve's first couple weeks there - even though he's working right at the race track (next to the mall in other words - very familiar territory), he's just not as accessible as he was when he was a bit more completely in control of his time. He's doing incredible stuff, and loving it. But he is very very focused on doing that job well, as well as maintaining the work he's doing for other people.

Then there was still adjusting to Abby's school (Again, it's me, not Abby, who is still adjusting), parties and finishing work and blah blah blah. There was Jack - doing SOOO much better with his frustrations than the two months or so surrounding Finn's arrival... but still - we're trying to help him maintain some success by a) keeping him in as much of a no-fail environment as possible and b) not freaking out when he does.

Oh yes, then there was the busy season of the photography business. I didn't have a ton of time to be angsty over how artsy vs. commercial each shoot was. Somehow I ended up very happy with my work. It's been a little fascinating to see how I grow from shoot to shoot. How even just a week before I'll see I was all into one photoshop method or one pose and a week later I've moved on. It's been fun as always that most of the Christmas cards I've received have had my photo shoots on them. Even as satisfied as I am that I did the best job I could in each given situation, there is still this nagging disappointment in the back of my brain as I think thru all the missed opportunities - all the times I couldn't quite get the perfect moment or caught the moment... unfocused.

- so Christmas... well.. we didn't really focus on it until about 2am Christmas Eve morning.

Except for the impromptu decorating of the toy room with all our lights (Steve is hilarious), we decorated with about 1/8th of what we normally do.

It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Steve's been coaching me (nicest way of saying forcing me) to challenge my "this is going to be awful" expectations. He doesn't deny that most likely having my gorgeous Jack, my sweet Abby, and my gentleman Finn in all these social situations is going to result in some awful moments, but he wants me to just accept that, get thru those, and enjoy everything else. And surprisingly enough, it's worked.

As I walk away from each event I'm rolling out my shoulders and thinking, hey, that five minutes where Jack wasn't heartwrenchingly trying to RIP Caiah's Chick Hick's out of his hands was really special. Okay, okay, there was a lot more than five minutes. Jack actually did a really good job playing alone for big portion of the time. I took him outside for a lot of situation diffusing. Abby was a star, I was trying to teach her not to count presents or be jealous during the other kids' present opening... or if she was, just not to say a lot about it. She did reallllly well. Finn is just a blessing because if he demanded more we'd be in deep doo doo. So we try to reward him with lots of love and thank God a LOT.

Yup, no matter how much I think I must be crazy an delusional, as I'm looking back - I just remember the successes.

Jack love love loving the cars he got... ALL the cars he got.
Abby deciding to sit in the front pew at Christmas Eve service... next to the pastors... by herself.
Finn smiling and cooing
Steve chasing an wrestling Jack & Abby
Burnt Fudge
photo sessions with the cousins
photo sessions with Aaron and Megan (ahh, torturing big brother - whoo)
Abby's new love of Santa
Jack's cuddles
Abby's Cuddles
Finn's cuddles
Steve's cuddles
my new vacuum
my new stroller
Caiah announcing "Ist Christmas Morning!!!!"

Photos soon