I Remember...

There are a lot of things, a very many lot of things, that have already completely slipped my mind about raising Abby and Jack. It's so sad, you think as you stare and stare and stare at these little guys that you'll always remember just how they scrunch up their lips as they stretch or just how those little first squeals and noises sound. Well, at least I was SURE I would remember everything while I was going through it with Abby. Then, Shannon had Wesley and would share what was going on or ask if I went through the same thing and I'd stop and realize... I'd already lost things. With Jack I was a little more prepared, I knew I couldn't hold onto everything. But I also had the blog to add some words to all the pictorial evidence I collected. That helps. The albums (scrapbooking) helps. Other people's memories help.

And, after all (as Abby would say), there is a constant influx of new words, new funny things, new hugs that make your heart melt - and that helps most of all.

All that to say... Jack's babyhood is pretty much up. He was having trouble sleeping the other night and I picked him up (something I don't do since he settles better on his own usually- thrusting a little hand thru the crib slats to hold onto mine for the fifteen seconds it takes him to go back to sleep) and I cradled him like a baby while I sat in an armchair. And I just sat and stared and cuddled my cheek against his head and just knew we're done with this phase. There are still plenty of cuddles in Jack and my future, but the baby cuddles... those are done. Every now and then I still might cradle him to me, but it will just be clear that it's a nod to the past - to the comfort of babyhood - not the present, not the norm.

Of course, I happen to get one more shot at this gorgeous babyhood thing. I do wish I knew He-Who-Has-Not-Been-Named's name. That would make him feel a little more real to me. Much as I blame Steve for our lack of name, he's only at fault in that he won't force ME into a name, because it's not like I've got one I desperately want.