A time to be stretched, a time to be stagnant, and a time to fight time

A couple weeks ago I was feeling stretched creatively for the first time in a long time.

I was working on formatting and revising the Christmas book my mom and I are having published which meant a lot of technical decisions that suit neither my temperament or my mom's - plus after seeing the first galleys I wanted to redo a whole illustration - the 6 geese a-layin had this black section because my mom had spilled green watercolor on it and covered it with ink / I was painting these Christmas card projects I thought up in place of a book this year - and they are huge because my mother (much as I adore her) is only satisfied with the finished product if its been scaled down - there is definitely still a part of me that is intimidated by the size of a canvas (and no Freudian comments here) especially when most of the watercolor I am doing is nebulous, supposedly effective atmosphere design / Then there is this book thing. Sandra and I have joked about writing this book - If Sandra had time and continues to believe in it - I think it could be good because she has the technical writing skills as well as beautiful and witty abilities. I have the quirky, sometimes brilliant ;) ability - but certainly nothing that could sustain a whole book... or chapter for that matter. She is busy moving countries which is quite an ordeal I'm learning, so until we can get together and really map this out, I can't do much. But there is this one scene I want to basically establish which I thought was going great.

Then I started asking Steve for help with a plot point which turned into 'what a guy would or wouldn't say' which totally derailed my scene (why would a guy SAY that?). The Christmas book is sent off to the publishers, the Christmas cards are past the first phase and will just need some detail work after my mom does her phase. And I find myself back in my normal routine - which is great. It was difficult to be stretched like that and have to fit it all in after 9pm (the time Abby is actually totally asleep by).

But as is the nature of things I was feeling stretched beyond capacity and now I'm feeling stagnant. And probably a little depressed which means that I feel lazy rather than energized to go find something else creative that doesn't quite stretch me as much.

But see, the reason that that little bout of creativity was so energizing (in my opinion) was because I had partners that I could basically dump the work on that I deem hard. I really like being managed - loosely anyway. Or maybe, I like being directed. I can be a self -starter but I am not by nature. Even if the brilliant idea was mine to start with, I still feel so much safer and more content to work if someone else takes charge of the idea.

Basically, I'm moody. I need someone at my elbow that doesn't have those moods and I can draw on that. I am highly suggestible which is why I am often driven to pizza after a pizza commercial so I need a manager that is unaffected by my brooding.

I was going to connect this ebb and flow to the whole ' a time to plant, a time to harvest' idea and how life just goes that way - like waves, but now I am thinking there is also a time for some of us moody folk to stand up to the waves rather than roll with them because if I rolled with them, I'd be dizzy a whole lot.