Gloomy

Abby. My girl.

Let's talk about your world.

MY world. Let's see, what's in my world.
I have a couple problems in my life (she actually said these words)
Using the old psychospeak (that's the repeating what she's saying rather than judging/advising etc what she's saying) I get out of her these things:
I'm gloomy ALL the time, and I just don't know how to stop.
What I do when I'm gloomy is I sing this song (she sings me a song), but sometimes, when I meet new people I don't sing them the song, I don't know why.
It's when I'm alone I can't help being gloomy, or when I'm with mean people. It's the people that carry me by my arm. I don't like that.

A friend at her school apparently pulls her around by her arm, but Abby doesn't want to tell this girl that she doesn't like being pulled around by her arm because Abby really likes being friends with this girl and she doesn't want her to be mad at her. And apparently everytime Abby tells her something to this effect, this little girl gets very angry, walks away and says "very mean things." She also buttons Abby's shirt up all the way up which Abby doesn't like either.

I know I could go the direction of getting all fired up and telling Abby that she doesn't need this sort of friend (the girl is actually sweet, but I don't doubt any of what Abby is describing), and Abby needs to stand up for what she wants and not get stepped on and blah blah blah. But I don't think thats how life works now. I did try to give her as much encouragement as I could without going so far down the advice road that I cut off the communication. It was a lovely sweet and sad time because it was all about how gloomy she is and how she wishes she could stop.

I did refrain from pulling a "my mom" and telling her that that never goes away and we all struggle with feelings of gloom now and then no matter how old we are. ;)

I think part of the gloom is actually a restlessness. I can see her gear up to ask me what "something fun" is on the agenda or "more snack" or "what is for dinner" : all these are hot buttons. I don't blow up, but they never go well. She's never satisfied really and really, are any of us ;). Yes, there are times, but if you really wanted to know there are quite a lot of "treats" out there that I wish I had, I just happen to have learned in my 33 years that it's inappropriate to go around whining out loud about it. It's kind of like when Wesley first started to walk (actually I think he started running first), Shannon would show me that he'd actually begin to wince several feet before he impacted into a wall or couch, but he couldn't seem to get his body to avoid the collision. That is Abby with these hot button questions. She knows neither of us are going to feel good about the exchange, she just can't seem to stop her mind from desperately seeking the answers.

Trying to teach contentment to a six year old... well, she's given me the road in obviously - as in this will help you be able to not feel gloomy all the time. She loves to look at the calender and see all her plans. That isn't a bad thing, in fact I think it should be one of my tools in helping her. But it takes time and time focusing on one child at a time is few and precious.

Her second problem in her life, by the way (there were three) was how when she tells me she wants to go to Hawaii I say we can't. (Yeah, I know, bring on the poor under-privilaged child face, I'm just not going to feel guilty we're not going to Hawaii every week).

Her third is between she and I, but its guilt again. She is so sweet and tries so hard to be just how she thinks she should be.

After talking a while on that one she said it was my turn to tell her any problems in my life.

I told her I was nervous about getting Jack to be as polite as her. She said, "What you have to do, momma, is just wait for his birthday... and then for another one, and another one... and then you'll get it" (which is probably totally true).

What else? I say, well, I have to do a lot of laundry tomorrow. And she seems to be happy with that one, it has a simple solution, "Well, we'll just write it down on a list, okay? how about that?"

And when I say there are no more problems in my life, she's happy for me. "So you only have TWO problems in your life?"

Pretty much, those are them! ;)