Third Time's the Charm

Well... in hindsight anyway.

I'm sitting here Friday night 11:31 waiting for them to bring my baby back to me. It's his newborn screening test time. I have a pamphlet here I'm going to read about it. The differences between first to second baby to third... it's all just fascinating.

With Abby I was so... overwhelmed... a little paranoid or - a nicer way of putting it - very scared that some decision I was going to make or not make would somehow contribute to some huge problem. Not all of these problems involved health and safety - I was also just afraid of being jipped. I didn't do the newborn photo thing for example. There was a logical reason at the time - i.e. I think because we had delivered on a Sunday early morning a lot of the staff that were normally roaming around (like the photographer) weren't there. But even so, when they were, I went out of my way to say no. Sure that they were somehow just trying to illicit money from us. Which sure, true, they are.. but that hardly seems quite as rude now as it once sort of did.

With Jack I was a little shell shocked because of knowing Abby was out there in the world without me. The hospital and care was so different, but in general, I was so totally calm about everything. That's not true - the little procedure waiting for us at the end of the stay worried me, but not TOO much. But he was generally an undemanding little guy - he just wanted what he wanted when he wanted it - is that so wrong? If you didn't try to bathe him or something, he was pretty mellow. I had a really hard time navigating the tiny space of the room oddly enough - that is one of my most pronounced memories of that time.

It seems almost silly now all that worry over if our little family could expand well - considering Abby and Jack love each other to a ridiculously funny degree. I'm hoping all my worries for Jack will seem just as silly as Jack and Finn tag team to destroy the house and general peace of the world around them - all in good fun of course.

The third time around, I almost feel a weird responsibility to be more informed. Like reading the stupid literature at the hospital about everything. Ha. No offense people who do the literature at the hospitals. It's as if because Finn was unplanned - he is sort of a miracle blessing in my eyes - like I don't "deserve" him in a way because I didn't control/plan on him. So I feel like I need to really be on the ball for him.

It's Sunday night now. I feel so amazingly good. I'm betting my tear at birth is about the same as with Abby, or better... not sure. I was so overwhelmed (that word again) with being a mom (even though I wasn't doing anything yet but nursing and worrying), that I almost was wary of feeling too good - doing too much. I kept expecting some latent pain or problem to pop up. Oh - no AND I was all milk-swollen.... that's right - that added quite a bit to the stress.

This time I'm so happy to be walking around and barely feeling any physical pain apart from those pesky contractions that are supposedly getting my uterus back to size. GEEZ they hurt. Bad. But they aren't often.

I'm still getting to know Finn obviously. So far I can tell you he is SERIOUS about milk. He latched on great from the beginning - literal thirty seconds after birth beginning. And he was consistently wanting to nurse. But right around day 2.5... right around when my milk COULD be coming in - he seemed to get very very serious about nursing. Like he'd gotten the taste of what was on it's way and he was making it his personal mission to speed the process along.

I know my milk is in by the way he gulps, but as of yet haven't really noticed because he keeps things well under control in that area.

He is generally easygoing - loves the wrap of course. Isn't afraid to let us know how he feels. Isn't totally attached to being held at all times, but I'm sure that's on it's way since with Abby around he is usually being held ALL the time.

He has these huge twitches - just like Steve. I mean all newborns have them it seems - but I happen to think Finn's are a little extreme.

Abby already adores him, worries if she hasn't washed her hands before she touches him on impulse.

Jack is having both possible reactions at the same time. He catches sight of Finn and smiles broadly to point, "Baby! My Baby." He gives Finn his pacifier - throws the ball at me when I'm nursing (not sure if this is passive aggressive or his way of trying to get Finn to play ball with him). On the other hand, he wants to be by my side while I nurse, or, worse case scenario - cries and wants me to pay attention to him if I have the baby. It's just hard to watch him struggle. He'll get through it, I know - but for now it's hard.

I have bouts of extreme exhaustion where I just can't possibly stay awake, and yet most of the time I feel pretty normal and extremely relieved to be so.

Okay that's the long and short of it for now... I'm uploading a whole bunch of pictures to be tweaked and shared soon.

The whole birth story is next...