Yes, yes, I know all my kids are going to know I love them (except for those times when I don't let them do their heart's desire because of homework... or because it's too close to stunt training). Yes, yes I know we can all just do the best we can and, excuse the ego, but yes yes I know we are doing a wonderful loving job 99.9% of the time. Or at least, the very best we can at being wonderful and loving at this particular stage of life.
BUT despite all my personal ideals to the contrary, I realized today Abby is falling through the cracks in this household. Not REALLY. The girl is spoiled rotten with love and attention... but FOCUS... I just realized the times where it's just us, where I'm really truly just listening, just letting her be her are few and far between. Practically non-existent since Finn arrived.
I need to give her some 'go crazy' time. Kindergarten might be the social joy of her life, but she is busting her butt trying to live inside the lines of this new formula, this stricter regime and coming home to "don't play on the wood floors while Jack is asleep" is not exactly freedom and joy.
I keep thinking about the oh so short time from now when I'll be begging to know whats going on in her world and in her head and how her current night's plea of, "Can you stay with me after you put Jack to bed?" will echo ironically in my head as I plead with her to just sit with me for a little while.
And I know, I can't do it everynight. Maybe I SHOULD not any night. But I'm going to find a way to do it more often.
The thing is, the reason she's "overlooked" (in quotes because we run ourselves ragged trying to keep up with her extrovert ways - this girl is anything but ignored, but you understand what I'm saying) is because she is so close to independence we are counting so much on her doing as much as possible on her own, by herself, by her own motivation. OR (the new card in the deck) we're so busy trying to teach her, prompt her, equip her with skills and manners and homework for Kindergarten - socially and education-wise and spiritually and social skills and eating more vegetables (even though I don't buy any) ugh what a pain in the butt us parents are!!!
And you should see how amazing she is putting up with all this. She retrieves the remote for me while I'm nursing. She shares her favorite skating pink pony skates with Jack so he doesn't feel left out or have a meltdown, she reads books in bed waiting for her turn for attention.
I just feel lousy. But hey, tomorrow is a new day and I'll "stay a little while" with her tomorrow night and lose all expectations, I'll just let her be who she is and let her see that I care, that she's important and hat I see HER and she's just wonderful just as she is right NOW.
RTO
5 months ago
3 comments:
Well, that is kind of the deal with the eldest child thing (I can speak to this, being an eldest child, myself). I know I do carry a little bit of the "PLEASE, listen to just ME" with my parents from childhood, but I also carry an extra bit of pride for my independence and skills and maturity. It's just the tradeoff.
She'll still love you, she'll be okay.
It probably *would* be awesome to have some special time with just you and her though, too. : )
Sometimes we stay with Rachel for a little while after we put her to bed. I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as you don't create a situation where she *has* to have you there to fall asleep. That makes it hard on all of you on the nights where you can't be there.
But I think they really appreciate it when we do take that time. And sometimes you can tell it's more needed than at other times.
I struggle with finding time for Rachel in the afternoons when Ben is sleeping, when I want to exercise and clean the house and things like that while he's down. But there are times when I just scrap all that and sit with her and read books for an hour.
Perhaps someone in the family could take Jack for little outings during times when Finn is likely to nap, and you could do some projects with Abby - art projects, or baking cookies, or reading books, or cuddling and watching a favorite movie together. All in all, though, she seems like a pretty resilient girl, and I'm sure she knows how very loved she is.
Really great review of what you need to do and what you, in fact, are doing. I so love your heart - but guilt, not so much. Got a better word?
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