Inquiring Minds

Thank you Sarah and Maggie and Shannon and Jen a few others that have asked very seriously how I'm doing with three. As you all know I was really really really really really freaked out by that number when we first found out Finn was on his way.

The thing is, my mind has totally gotten used to the idea and Finn himself is ease incarnate. He was officially fussy for no particular reason for the first time last night... for ten minutes. During the day, he asks for very little. He does have a big ole cluster feed/awake time late at night which isn't perfect now that Steve and I are going to bed earlier, but if I can just supply enough milk, it's not too bad a deal if you ask me.

SO even though I'm doing much better than expected in all areas I still haven't really been able to answer seriously or in depth how I'm doing. I see the email, I think about my response, but when I sit down in front of the computer my brain goes blank. And then it gets annoyed when I try to push it. I have to say something I tell my brain, just give me a few lines - a few authentic lines that are beyond surface level - that's all I'm asking. At this point my brain crosses it's proverbial arms and ignores me. I think I hear it threaten that if I persist with this line of questioning I am asking for a headache. I sigh, feel bad at my failure to provide vulnerability, and get interrupted anyway.

Jack has been directing most of my attention toward himself. He is about to be two. He is very much a BOY (hear him roar). He has a fondness for noise and drama. I had Miss Pat over because I was just about at the end of my rope and she insisted his behavior was more about him being TWO than about the new baby upheaval. That is part of it, she acknowledged, but his reaction is still more about being two. He has no way of understanding his own feelings or reactions. We just have to provide a safe place for him to tantrum it out and gain his own ability to control himself until he balances out a bit.


The frustration and pressure inside him was palpable last week. He would just come up to me and do these short bursts of screams. Like a tea kettle starting to boil. His shoulders would be all hunched up and he would just look at me - like I don't know what's going on but I am about to EXPLODE. It was so sad to me. Steve thinks I'm crazy and finds nothing sad about this at all. But my heart went out to Jack and I just felt there was nothing I could do. BUT the whole safe place to tantrum (which is pretty much exactly what I did for Abby when she was much older) has been working like a charm. Ten minutes of screaming, throwing himself and everything he can reach on the floor and eventually I look up at the silence and he's wandered off to play with his cars.

Bliss.

I know you're not supposed to let guilt get you as a parent, but Jack is such a total delight to this family - it was so hard to see him really really struggle. He was also sick at the time. Which didn't help.

ANYWAY things are easy at the moment. My mom is taking Abby to school and bringing Jack so he has a little adventure in the mornings. I get to nap for an hour with Finn when they all leave. Abby doesn't need picking up til 3 and the carline means that I don't ever have to get out of the car tromping around with both Jack and Finn or having to look too presentable and make small talk with people I barely know whilst tearing Jack away from things that he is investigating (read: destroying). Bedtime - particularly if Steve is not here - is the trickiest part because Finn in awake and Jack wants actual arms wrapped around my neck sort of cuddling. Abby is basically a dream to put to bed but does have the tendency to also want company and to call for me at the most inopportune moment (the second after Jack closes his eyes - so her voice makes him totally awake again). This wouldn't be an issue but Jack is not in his big boy bed so once he's awake he's off and running.

Abby, of course, adores Finn and asks constantly to hold him - then quickly hands him back after a few minutes. I thought she got bored with just sitting there, then realized, she did this when she accidentally touches her hand to her nose or mouth - she then freaks out that she is going to get Finn sick so practically throws him back to me. Sweetheart.

Jack oddly enough adores Finn as well. He runs over to him and says, "BABY" and tries to grab for him (whether he is eating sleeping or getting his diaper changed). I give him over whenever I can (encouraging the bond you see) and the funniest thing - Jack just wants to cuddle with Finn. He'll lay back and point to where he wants me to put Finn, then he'll put his arms around him and just stare off into space or tv. Jack just wants Finn there. He will point to his features now and then which can get hairy ("EYES!" as Jack pokes at them) but mostly Jack is totally gentle with his brother... UNTIL you try to take said brother away because, oh I don't know... he's screaming his head off for the other half of his meal. If you try to take Finn away from Jack, Jack grabs onto Finn... or any part of Finn. This isn't so gentle... but hey - as Miss Pat says (I know, her again, but she's got experience people) it takes a lot more concentration/more muscles to release a grip than to grip... so often with babies/toddlers we're yelling them to let go of something and they literally need time to figure out HOW to do that. I wish I'd remembered that when Jack used to pull my hair. So we try to take it slow. And Finn is so far uninjured.