Who am I...
Once upon a time I knew every single lyric to any number of musicals... like EVERY lyric and spoken part. I don't think most people know that of me now a days. Six years ago I had a small dinner party in which I realized one of my friends was a huge Michael Crawford fan and for the first time in a long time I got out my prized "Phantom of the Opera" book in which my friend Juliana had had HER friend get an autograph from the original phantom for me back in high school. I was suitably quite the rock star at that dinner.
Anyway, I dunno. I'm not really one for having a big identity crisis. I am very myself and don't usually get too bent out of shape about trying to prove who that is to myself or anyone else.
But right now, with every moment seemingly brimming with depressing thoughts like roof leaks and total sweetness like the way Finn smiles EVERYtime someone looks at him and feats of amazing progress like Jack walking out of his room this morning with his CARS books going straight for a Daddy snuggle (this is what it used to be like) and annoying realizations that I'm not doing the best I could (with weight, with organization etc)... and domestic successes like keeping up with the laundry and dishes and mothering wows like how I need to facilitate Abby's ability to go for her joy in swimming & gymnastics, Jack's musicality and sporty needs it is becoming increasingly difficult to feel like I'm anyone in particular. There are moments of identity - like with photography and art (yes we've already started next year's Christmas book) but in general life is just very crowded.
Because of the helpful family around me I do get bursts of clear and free thought. But those bursts have to clear so much smog in my brain they are short. Appreciated and bright... but short lived.
And... well... thats about as far as I can go at the moment ;).
120: Yellow
3 months ago
8 comments:
thank you. for making me feel normal.
i love you. and. anytime you want me to help with house stuff... or a play date... or anything... please... ask... I'll say no, if I can't...
xo
Totally makes sense. And I totally remember that book. My dad was the one who got it for you and he was annoyed to be handing over a book where Michael Crawford's signature was smudged. "The only consolation is it is Michael, himself, who smudged his own signature."
I often have flashes of you as a teenager. Things like how in awe I was of your earring and cassette tape collection. And when I walk my Doberman, I think of Thor. The other night, my friend was saying he used to record all of the X-Files on VHS and then sit and watch episode after episode. "Yep," I said, "I know what that's like." Midnight chocolate chip cookies and the exitement of getting a "yes" from Aaron to take us to the mall. Quizzes in teen magazines and Family Feud on computer were the most awesome way to spend a Saturday night....Debbie Gibson serenading in the background. Badminton til the sun went down and impromptu piano concertos from your dad. And the only seahorses I'd ever seen before or since. All these things pop into my head from time to time. 924 Camphor Circle was a lot of fun.
okay do you know how weird that is? I remember it being grace or one of grace's friends - hence why there was a delay getting it back to me. I remember you being worried about it because IIII had started to get weird about you not getting it back to me (I didn't know her plan to get me the autograph). THEN there was the BUBBLE incident, do you remember the bubble incident? I didn't even notice by the way ;)
The bubble incident? Hmmm....I'm feeling like a bubble popped on a photo, thereby ruining it. Am I right? I don't remember the details yet. I think I might've said something about Grace to throw you off the track. But what exactly was the bubble incident? Did I ruin something?
no no - you almost murdered someone in your classroom for blowing bubbles around the signature and one of the bubbles popped on the picture and you were sure it was ruined forever
Corey!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!!!!!! I remember now. THAT was the Grace's friend connection. Yah, I never talked to that girl again after that.
See how loyal I am???!!!
You two are hilarious!
And wow Julie, you remember the piano concertos!
Not only do I remember them, I remember the very first one. My mom dropped me off at your house and I could hear the music pouring into the streets. It was amazing how that piano sounded like a concert hall filling your sweet little house. And then at Christmastime, it was buried in more presents than I had ever seen in my life. : )
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