This Old House

fyi this is an incredibly boring blog post so I gave you a cute picture of Jack to look at

You know, we originally bought this house because it was (as Christi described it) a cosmetic fixer to begin with - i.e. we just needed to do a lot of surfacy stuff before we could be established and flourishing in the new house. We knew we couldn't handle a real fixer upper which would imply changing or adding to the floorplan and such. No, with our house it was just plain butt ugly inside. And it's true - the worst of what we could SEE was gone and done within the three week clense and purge before we moved in (which included painting like insane people, getting rid of the carpets and refinishing the floors and most of all just getting all the CRAP left behind OUT - and I should point out that we couldn't have done this without our village of family and friends helping out).

Impressive though that was we knew we needed (or had an inkling) to replace the electrical system, the plumbing (eventually), the heat/air, the asbestos under the kitchen tiles, the possible mold in the garage, updating the bathrooms, replacing the windows, redoing the backyard, the sunroom, the stairs...probably the roof... AND we knew that that there was still a LOT of cosmetic work to do.

Every couple of years we save up enough to do a big project. On the off years we save up energy to do some of the cosmetic work.

Sometimes I look at this house and I'm so proud of how cool looking it is. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the cosmetics much less the other stuff.

Certainly one issue with a fixer of any kind is that as soon as something is checked off the list, there is no time to revel in it before the next thing on the list pops up to the top of the priorities and then THAT is all we concentrate on.

We have gotten a LOT done recently. The biggest is the plumbing. That has been a specter over our shoulder for a LONG time. And it felt so validating that the plumbers agreed that we were moments away from a break. Like for once we got something taken care of before it caused extra damage.

Next is the roof. These are the two things that have most plagued my mind because these are the things that aren't just cosmetic. These are the things that mean peace of mind or not. Not that I'm saying camping in the living room anytime it rains hasn't been fun. I've enjoyed it. But I am so very happy to be on the verge of being out from under the need for a new roof. *ha, get it, get it?

Still to do? fix our ceiling after roof done. Hang pictures in most rooms. Windows? I might let the new owners (* and my timeline for this house having new owners is in the double digit years) worry about those. Update the bathrooms? Still not sure we're going to do that either (counting on the original stuff making someone say - oh good, they didn't mess up the original stuff). Some minimal painting? Shower curtain or door for downstairs shower. Cleaning and organizing. Some electrical touchup...

Not much really... not comparitively... this is exciting.

I just felt the need to recap.

NEW NEW NEW

I have a new laptop computer people. It is awesome. Actually, to be honest, to me it's just very very pretty - I'm very aware that the degree to which is is truly awesome will probably never been known to me as it is known to Steve.

Which is sort of similar to the way I saw the LOST finale.

Anyway, this beautiful laptop has ALL the keys of it's keyboard intact.

I have realized over the last ten years or so just how awful I am to buy a present for. I never knew I was awful before I saw Steve trying to be wonderful. And the problem was, once our finances were OUR finances, Steve didn't just have to be a mind reader and get just what I wanted. No, he's probably always got ten or so gifts in his thoughts that I would love and he knows very well that I would love... but... would also just not ever feel good receiving because they are expensive.

Well, I won't say EVER. It's just one of those things. No matter how much Steve is making or I am making for that matter "expensive" to me means $75 and higher. And I'm going to sweat that 75 bucks, believe me. I'm comfortable around 50... for a gift from the love of my life - yup, about 50 bucks feels extravagant but not stressful.

NOW the list of gifts that I'll really really love and really really get a kick out of (besides a words and time... oh how I love them) starts dwindling. After all, if I really really want that dvd when it comes out, we have an entertainment budget to get it. So why wait til my birthday? Yes, I know, I'm awful.

Anyway so what Steve has had to do is listen to me tap my fingers in frustration as I wait and wait and wait for pictures to load on my old laptop, watch me punch angrily at the "d" key and constantly wave off all suggestions of replacing the laptop because I was pretty sure the price tag was above the magic $75.

So the only way he was going to be able to give this to me without it ultimately feeling like I had in some way been to blame (we discuss purchases quite a lot - so if he'd said he was GOING to get me a new computer then I would have discussed us out of it, or if I'd agreed - felt like I had had a hand in it), was to completely go behind my back.

So voila. Here it is, and I'm so thrilled. But I'm MOST thrilled about the WAY he did all that. Because all that matters in the scheme of things. Not always, I don't expect him to have to mindread passed me all the time. But this time, being as it is such a totally selfish gift for me (i.e. it's mine mine mine, no you may not borrow it, no Abby cannot practice her ABCs on it, no Jack cannot watch a movie on it, it's MINE, all MINE)... it was just plain priceless to have the weight of the decision out of my hands.

Anyway, you may have guessed this is my first blog post on the new computer. This is also (and forgive me parents if I'm being an ungrateful forgetful jerk) but I think that this is also my first NEW computer ever that is mine (sensing a theme?)

In other news:
Samantha moved to Washington D.C. today. This sucks for us but is great for her. Bah humbug.
Finn is really really trying to follow the kids now- gates have to be at the ready. He is so ridiculously cute still. I'd show you pictures but I am behind on pictures. I'm very busy which is awesome, but it feels like a whirlwind. And finally we are finally finally finally going to have all the behind the scenes stuff done with this house. Plumbing & Roof are in the cards this year. From then, any home improvement in the budget will basically be cosmetic. Now that is freaking awesome.

I don't want to move anytime soon, despite Abby's impatience, but there is something about knowing that we really can't, with positive heart, put this house on the market as is. There is just something that screams "not going to get top dollar" about a non-cosmetically complete house which ALSO needs a new roof and new plumbing. But really, seriously, we're here to stay for quite a while. We are going to enjoy the lack of stress when it rains, my friends. Yes indeedy.

Need dessert.

I have no choice.

Abby has, for a while now... wanted a new house, a fancy house with stairs (go ahead try to argue with her that her CURRENT house has stairs and see how far it gets you).

Last night on the way home from Gramma's birthday dinner our conversation went something like this (prompted by our talk about Samantha moving across country)

"Momma, when is our house going to get old enough to be too old so we can move into a new one?"

"It's going to be a long long time baby, moving is a seriously big big big deal." (this goes back and forth a bit as I go on and on about money and escrow and packing up houses)

"But I'm not happy in our house, I'm sad all the time in it and I don't sleep too good in it either!"

*insert Mommy taking a deep breath and trying to do active listening since RESPONDING isn't doing any good "You're sad in this house and you don't sleep good?"

"Yeah, and I want something new."

"You want something new?"

"Yes."

*pause as I think, hey this active listening thing does make the responses easier... then Abby cuts in

"So, what's your decision?"

"My decision?"

"Are we moving or not?"

"No, we are not moving."

"Then I guess you have no choice"

"I have no choice?"

"I have no choice... I'm just going to be sad."

"Aww."

"Momma" (big sigh here), "Do you WANT me to be sad all the days of my life in this house?"

"NO I DON"T WANT YOU TO BE SAD ALL THE DAYS of your LIFE" (insert Momma blowing a gasket here) "You know some people work really really really hard to stay in one house their whole lives because they love it so much."

"Yeah, but Momma, we are NOT those people. I am not one of those people. I want something new, that's why I look out a different window every morning. I want a new view, I want new paint, SOMETHING, I want it so bad."

*Momma has a new angle, "Do you ever miss our old house?"

"No, but sometimes I miss Gramma's old house."

"There, see, what if we moved and you missed this house - it would be too late, we couldn't go back."

"Yeah, I might, but then I'd remember how SAD I was in it and I wouldn't care."

The Perfect Day

(without Steve anyway... )

Being a stay at home mom means that in a lot of ways my days are on an endless loop. The same basic things happen every day. Change does happen, usually in such slow motion that by the time a behavior or problem is resolved I've forgotten it needed resolving. It often seems as if a child has just woken up that morning with a whole new behavior, as if someone just magically flipped a switch; when actually its like we're in a constant state of "under construction". Before the switch could be flipped the wall had to be framed, the wires run, the wall boarded, the electricity hooked up, the switch connected, the little plastic plate screwed in...

This is why it's so frustrating when trying to explain to someone how excited I am that some subtle but vital change has been embraced. Like for instance, let's say rather than holding my hand after a nightmare, I insist that the child lets ME hold THEiR hand. Silly sounding huh? But those of you who know KNOW that its an important difference. It's the difference between having to pry your own hand out from the tenuously sleeping death grip of your child and simply gently letting your own grip loosen, then letting go entirely. Just trust me. It's a big and important milestone. Yet the person inevitably asks, well, why didn't you do that in the first place? Because, I explain, trying not to sound crazy or defensive: it wouldn't have worked before. It wouldn't have worked the night before or even a few hours before. Of course I could have insisted from the beginning but it would have been a battle against each other rather than a victory for both. Because I waited we were both ready.

Anyway, while "under construction" so many little interactions during those very similar days feel like the luck of the draw. I can have the exact same rules, enforce them in the same exact way and have drastic differences in the reaction of my kids.

Today, it just seemed like 7 out of 10 of those rolls of the dice were lucky.

Extracting Jack from beloved Gramma's presence was sad, and there was some screaming. But I threw out my arms to welcome in for some condolence and where 100% of the times previous he would have thrown himself on the ground, wanting nothing of my comfort, he hesitated, then walked right into my arms. From there he allowed distraction in the form of Phineas & Ferb.

Abby & Jack wrestled and played for a long time. Several times Jack was a bit too rough with Abby, but she handled it and so I could concentrate on nursing Finn, cleaning a little, making lunch.

Everyone ate, including Finn.

Jack and Abby were having too much fun, so I postponed Jack's nap by a few minutes; just enough time to get Finn sound asleep and down so that when I was putting Jack down, I didn't have to worry about what Finn was up to or if he was going to panic without parental presence.

Finn STAYED asleep after Jack was asleep (Finn's diaper rash has meant more fitful sleep - will probably have to call doc on Monday to see if we need prescription).

Abby and I cuddled on the couch while watching tv - SUCH a long time since she's gotten that sort of relaxed presence from us at a time that shes happened to be in the mood to veg as well.

I fell ASLEEP for at least two episodes. Amazingly necessary.

Jack stayed asleep for long enough that Finn was established in his oatmeal bath before Jack woke up.

Jack and Abby played happily while I let Finn air out and played "words with friends"

I got everyone dressed for church including myself (my hair was a mess, but I knew I'd be stuck in the nursery anyway).

Jack played in the nursery (with me there) with an older boy and a younger boy - there was very little screaming. After a while Jack realized the older boy could teach him some subtleties of one of the car racing toys, so he started paying attention. Granted there were stints in there where Jack was dragging me to the door to go to the car, but distraction worked where it hadn't worked last week. Finn fell fast asleep in one of the nursery worker's arms.

I didn't overeat or over spend at dinner.

The kids went to bed (Finn in my arms)

I got some time to think.

and now..

I am off to bed.

Just a day, but the kind I'm always striving toward - the kind where some small seams were sewn. (and some alliteration used ;)).

How Much of a Culprit

I am sitting here using Steve's laptop for no particular reason and I'm noticing just how I'm not terribly annoyed and stifled and generally cranky.

And I wonder how much my recent lack of interest in online life has to do with real life being too crowded and how much it has to do with missing several keys on my keyboard making it singularly horribly annoying to type anything.

hmmmm.