The Reformation of Adrea

Well, Abby has gone three steps further at 3 1/2 than her mother did until 19 (coerced by a certain Pasadena gangster).

We had Chicken and Cheese crepes for dinner tonight. Not great. But not awful. Abby had two bites plus a bite of apple.

This may not be exciting for those of you with normalcy in your blood, but this is a big deal especially as tonight was the first true test (last night we had something Abby liked). AND tonight will likely be the most challenging of any of the dinners I'm planning for several weeks.

Speaking of this whole eating thing. I would like to take a moment to say I don't mind at all that I was raised the way I was eating-wise. It wasn't something I wanted to pass down particularly because I married into a "normal" family, but it served me just fine.

What on Earth to do with myself?

Well, Harry Potter is wonderfully and beautifully done.

Deep Sigh.

I suppose I will have to concentrate on the rest of my life now.

We start the grand, "cooking in" experiment tonight. Had our first household meeting last night which went well despite me being cranky feeling as if life as I know it is certainly ending.

It's funny, I started thinking about it and realized I never ate out if I could help it up until getting pregnant with Abby! That's only a four and a half year habit to get out of. What happened was that I was happily cooking my chicken fajitas nightly and when I got pregnant I couldn't handle handling the meat or even eating something I'd basically prepared.

So really, this shouldn't be nearly as traumatic as it feels. And on one hand, it really shouldn't be difficult because when we tried this last winter the biggest temptation was a taco bell or del taco run which derailed my efforts because it was cheap and easy. BUT I can't eat either of those things so I'm bound to be miserable with what I eat no matter what it is, so I may as well make it myself and feel that satisfaction.

We also start the grand financial planning experiment - or at least getting the meeting established this week. It's seemed like a silly thing to embark on in a time of life when we don't know when the next paycheck is coming or what it will be so we're just coasting - not spending money, not paying off debt, and getting blasted by 200 dollars for a doctor appt here and 300 for the car there. But we're in the mode of getting the things in order that we have been putting off so, embarrassing though it may be to go in there in our current situation, we're going in all the same.

What else have we been putting off you ask? Making a baby - Check. Naming a baby? Er, hmm... moving on...

Let's see... cleaning the laundry room - might need Gramma's special touch for that.

De-cluttering? Theres really just one clutter issue and that is the wall of shelves downstairs. And really - what else do you do with non-pretty shelves but put stuff on them? I'll work on that.

Things we still have to put off for financial reasons:
renovating downstairs (remove paneling,sink, add carpet or tile to cover stone, hide pipes, etc)
redecorating downstairs (new rug, new couch)
figuring what room baby boy will have once he moves out of ours (complicated by screaming neighbor)
car that fits infant seat (unless financial adviser figures a responsible way)

Nothing...

Nothing warms my heart more than when Steve is completely and totally rude to me... when he is anxiously listening to Harry Potter.

He has got to be at the final chapter now (he's listening to the CDs) and yet we have to leave in 5 minutes to go to a family function.

He glares at me when I walk down the stairs to ask him where he is in the book, "I don't want to talk about it right now!" he spits out after a second of trying to process in his brain the answer (he is so involved in the story, it takes him out of it to try to put it in words). For you less sentimental folks, who think this is a rather rude way of answering me, it should be noted that I've asked him this question twenty or so times today.

I tell him it's time to leave and he rolls his eyes, "I have to change!" he says loudly over the sound of the narrator in his ears. Did I mention this is HIS family event? Snicker.

I'm not being sarcastic- I seriously love it. I love that he can be as involved in something that means as much to me as Harry Potter does. I love that it totally affects him and that we can share it... all be it AFTER he's done. And anyone who doesn't understand that, who thinks this is appropriate, and I mean this, doesn't understand what books, what Harry, means to me... And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I can't relate to people who can merrily go through a book as if the outcome doesn't matter. This is the way I feel about story, about character, about Harry... That a little rudeness is a proof of love!

All right, it really is time to go now... not sure how to break it to him. He can still listen for fifteen minutes on the way to the car!

Harry Potter - trail of tears - SPOILER

So, I've finally shed some tears over this book. Everyone understands there are spoilers here right? Because there are, though I will try to be sort of kind of not totally clear for people that don't read the books but watch the movies... hopefully you'll forget these references in the four years before the 7th movie comes out.

Anyway, of course I teared up during Harry's walk thru the Forbidden Forest. But what still hits me emotionally is his run through the battle after that - when he's rushing in for the final fight and sees everyone fighting around him. My first few times reading through that I was more concerned with Harry than thinking much about anyone else. But this last time through I was struck to realize everyone fighting then is fighting under the impression that they've lost Harry. And that makes their passion all the more fierce obviously. In particular, Hagrid's show of brute strength - which, if I'm not mistaken, we don't see any other time in the series though he is obviously the strongest and more formidable of characters - is what gets me. I love Hagrid - particularly in the beginning I was very very attached to Hagrid. And then, I think, as Harry needed him less and saw him more as a flawed, full person, so did I. Well, in this book I feel Harry gets a big sentimental over everyone as death is so constantly at everyone's heels... and Hagrid, I felt, was again an important part of the heart of Harry. He's just a big bundle of emotions anyway, isn't he? And so his grief and, in turn, his rage affects me quite deeply.

BUT what I've decided I'm looking forward to most now of the rest of the Harry Potter journey plays out in the theatre is the TRAILER for Movie 7. There's nothing quite as impactful as a trailer and there are some seriously trailer worthy scenes from this book. Whoo HOO.

Bon Voyage Mom

I've decided I'm going to try to post all this week often while my mom is in Michigan to give her something from here to have.

Basic England

Just off the plane, we had a quick jaunt into London, ate @ a French restaurant (the only restaurant we went to with food palatable for me), and saw "The Pain and the Itch" an American play actually which is rather awkward, I wouldn't suggest it - though the guy who played Darcy in 2005 Pride and Prejudice was in it which was the whole reason we went. Hours slept thus far: 20 minutes.


Friday, still in London, had the day before our train to Harrogate. Had a roll for breakfast. Tried to have more but learned London's version of bacon is a tortilla shaped slab of lard. Went on the red double-decker bus tour which was quite fun except that we were stuck in traffic for a good hour and by the time we made it to any of the real attractions it was pouring. Like... really pouring. Like we couldn't see out the windows (we had moved down stairs only when the rain got ridiculous). I really liked the tour all the same because of all the England-y buildings we saw as we slugged on through the red line tour. Hours slept since leaving home: 1 hour, 20 minutes.

Friday midnight/Saturday was spent reading and, for me sleeping. (pic to be inserted when I get one shared with me)

Sunday I got to bed at 10am and woke at 11:44am in time to catch a ride into York where we walked the wall here. Total hours slept since Wednesday: 8 hours 40 min.

Constant Vigilance!!

There will be Harry Potter Deathly Hallows spoilers on this blog.

Be aware and stay away just in case!

A purpose...

I thought of how everything comes round to having a purpose last night when Abby wanted to hold my hand all the way home from the airport and I just happen to have rubber joints that allow me to do that from the front passenger seat.

She doesn't look big to me actually - she looked so small and precious when I found her playing with two girls also waiting for someone to get out of the airport. Snicker. Trust her to find playmates. She gave me such wonderful hugs and affection. Mostly it was:

"You can't be going to England for so long."
"I was missing you so much!"
"I wasn't wanting you to be going to England for so long, next time I can go with you."

I have to try to nap here. But it's ALSO Steve and my wedding anniversary. Whoo hoo. Too bad neither of us remembered when we woke up this morning! Of course that may have had something to do with the greenish brain matter snorting out of my nose at the time.

As for Harry. Not sure if I'll want to make a bigger blog later about it - but it just makes me... literally so happy that it's done and that I could trust her. It really and truly gives me peace. Being that we are who we are, my mom and I have both worried over one of us dying or JKR dying before the last book could come out. So... it honestly feels like a big old life goal has been completed. I know we all have different passions, different things that float our boat. But my worlds, my passions, as I've said before, go a lot deeper than preference or enjoyment or hobby. This is serious business, the things that really and truly love. This is like family. And I have different expectations for passions either book or movie or tv (as said before, movie and tv especially are so often swayed by actor or network issues and can't be counted on quite the same as an author).

So for me to have trusted JKR in this very vulnerable place of mine and for JKR to have fulfilled that trust. It just warms the whole world for me.

I desperately want to at least have a tee-shirt that says: *spoiler warning* *highlight to see*

HARRY LIVES!!! (ala frodo lives)

It was the best of times, it was the worst...

One happy Harry Potter fan here. (Lori email me with discussion).

One UNhappy English insomniac.

And why do they only put up the gate #s at Heathrow until they are boarding???

Toodle Pip

Which I can't remember if it means hello or goodbye. Either way,I'm off to the UK. Got very teary saying goodbye to Abby but I think she'll be fine, not too much time to miss me!

Cheerio!

Fruits of Happy Project?

Steve and I had a big long discussion tonight about our family - what we want to change and why we haven't mainly. And while this could have gotten quite daunting considering the things I want to change are... everything that I haven't yet conquered and the reasons I feel I haven't have to do with pregnancy and the expectations of what it will be like once baby gets here and I don't really see any solution to it (i.e. Hmm, I've done this before and it wasn't easy!).

Long story, short is that frustration and the feeling that the task to change is overwhelming has kept me from doing the changing. It doesn't have to do with Steve not doing his part (he's doing great)... in one sense it has nothing to do with Steve at all. However as he has been re-evaluating on his side who he wants to be in the family he will (starting now) have a much more involved role in the household. Note : That is not code for Steve doesn't help out and now he's going to. He has, for longer than I can remember, made the effort to go above and beyond in that respect. What he hasn't been is involved. And what that means is, I make my effort to control and manage the house and he does as I ask or does what needs doing on his own. He doesn't ever really see how everything relates to one another - as in the laundry lagging because I'd tried to tackle clutter or get supplies for some household project.

We still won't end up with a chores list, because believe it or not, it's not really the chores that are the issue. But what we hopefully will end up with is a basic plan for the week ahead of us - An understanding and therefore an expectation and even an accountability of what our family is doing with ourselves.

I love knowing what to expect.

I LOVE knowing what to expect.

Anyway, there have been two turning points that I am aware of in my marriage in that rather than pout and act out like a two year old I prayed that we would be able to break out of the habit cycle we were in and for Steve specifically to show leadership in doing so. Obviously these were times when I did not feel I had the strength or even the drive to do so myself. Both times Steve has stepped up to a ridiculous degree. As in, one day he has had no interest or notice of the issue and the next he was in the lead - and not just dragging me, but doing this oddly great job of leading sensitively.

Well, I didn't pray for a change this time. This time I suspect my happy project made a difference. I need to remember when I started that. But the basic idea was that I was going to be more responsible for being deliberately happy or in a good mood specifically when Steve came home or after Abby went to bed (reason being, I do that naturally with Abby all day - you can't have a bad attitude while being a mom or else you are just not being a nice mom - and so all the sulk that I'd been storing all day tended to be waiting for alone time with Steve). It didn't take long for it to settle in as a habit even amidst my first trimester misery.

My hope (and I hope this because if it's true then I'm proud of myself) is that with that weight lifted off Steve's shoulders, he was empowered to take his next step.

As a record and pat on my own back (because ya know, no one does that for you when you're all grown up) laundry used to be a chore I just couldn't get a handle on and I'm happy to say that I am more normally up to date than I am behind - which is huge. The other thing I've been tackling is my food obsessions and while the changes have been subtle (that IS code for, you might not have seen it but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened) it certainly feels like the outcome is that I haven't gained a significant amount of weight yet this pregnancy. I'm still perfectly fine if the way I gain weight in pregnancy is close to 40 pounds, I'm just saying that if it is more in my control than not, it would just be great if there were ten less pounds to get rid of in 2008. Important thing is healthy baby - I know, I'm not starving - just not bowing to every craving.

I don't currently have much hope for the unconquerable things (cooking dinner and getting back on the treadmill basically) but on the same breath, these are things I have conquered just recently in the past and there is nothing holding me back at all... (except being really tired because I have a baby growing in me).

HA! Another conquerable that would help that would be bedtime because... this is ridiculously late to be up when I am pregnant and about to embark on conquering unconqerable changes.

So with that... goodnight.

Harry Bookending

So you know what I found interesting as I waited (pregnant) in line for six hours next to obnoxious high school kids to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix? I was pregnant with Abby when we had to wait in line for the midnight book release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix!

responding to Sarah's question: Well... here's where it gets socially tricky. I actually really liked this movie - however I don't really want to open it up for debate by talking about it much. My reasons for liking it so much are pretty singular to me so I certainly wouldn't be surprised someone else has gripes - and I'd certainly be able to list a few myself, don't get me wrong.

But what was most important to me from this book (ha, you want to know what that is don't you? well I'm not telling!) came through in the movie so for me it was a resounding success. I think it had great potential to be such a great movie because unlike the other books not a lot really happens apart from the intro of Umbridge (and the underlying ministry issues she represents), the introduction of the DA (and therefore Harry's acceptance of leadership), and the action climax. Therefore there was TIME to have scenes where characters interacted a bit more, there was character development. There was time for all that rather than just scene after scene of watching Harry react to everything.

Usually there is so much either backstory or interweaving plot points that the filmmakers are trying to translate from the books (but never can because of time) that the movies never seem to know what they've decided to keep as a plot point. There will be parts of a subplot brought in and then dropped completely. I'd much rather the ancillary stuff stay in the background where us nerds can see it, but not get brought to the forefront where it has to be explained so much that the charm is sucked out of them. My biggest gripe about Prisoner of Azkaban movie, for example, is that Harry's patronus is a stag and yet that whole entire subplot wasn't referenced (if it was, it was mumbled - which is sort of what I said I wanted so I'm a big hypocrite).

So I got what I wanted. And Harry's descent into anger wasn't nearly as hard to watch on screen (basically in fast forward) as it was to read.

Abby Tidbits

*Abby picked this outfit.

"Mommy, let's just sit here and watch the world go by" (sitting on a step outside)
"Momma, I was just reflecting on how I *indistinguishable* and ... "
"Momma, I'm so proud of you."
"I don't want to stay in my room." (me: "You don't have to!") "But what if I start crying again?"
"But bedrooms are for sleeping! This is the room for whining!" (when told if she wanted to whine she needed to do it in her room)
"Can we go to a place that has good ice cream, this time?" (after her experience with Pinkberry)
"I can't even believe that that happened!"
"Whoa, this is a lot of big things we did today."
"I - AM- THE- HERO!" (playing naked on the couch) "Whoa, that was a good voice."

My words out of her mouth:
"No, Momma, but you have to understand me."
"No, I know that, but I can't right now. Later, Momma, later we can do that."



and my favorite thing to hear (besides "I love you too Mommy" obviously):
"I had so much fun..."

Hammerheads FINALE

We knew we were going to have one more project with the crew from Hammerheads since they finished up so late on their last day here, and today was it.

It went well, if not perfect. Abby did not understand the whole idea of a 'reshoot.' At this point, this is her house! And to pretend she isn't already total owner and occupier offends her sensibilities. She did fine, but they were missing that truly grateful sentiment she had last time.

Last time, as the light was fading and her lip was still swollen and her nose still running with a tinge of blood she spontaneously leaned over the side of the house and thanked the director (whom she called 'action man' because he called 'action') for building her this beautiful playhouse. They asked her to say the same thing to Steve Hanneman (the host) and she did - very quietly). It was one of those moments that you hope other people realize shows that she has a wonderful heart. We hadn't coaxed her to say that at ALL.

THIS time, she was good - didn't really feel like talking as much because we'd basically had to discipline her right before they were ready to roll. She, again, didn't understand why she should have to do this all again and was refusing to listen to me (not things like "say whoo hoo" but "No, Abby, I need you to stay here" type stuff). SO off we went for a crying fest in her room which she never totally recovered from. Luckily the actors all make her laugh so I don't think she'll end up looking sulky on camera.

I was really happy that they will probably show little of the footage with her fat lip... so that will fade away from everyone's memory (mine too hopefully). AND that I think they may have caught some nice things in the first reveal that they'll keep since we all had to dress in the same clothes.

That was funny actually, I was sure they wouldn't be too anal about that because I put Abby's hair up, but there was no way I was going to remember which hair clips I had in her hair. At the time (the first reveal) I was so afraid of upsetting the perfect balance we had after the mouth injury that I didn't try messing too much with her hair. So her hair was up in a pony tail with like five clips. Turns out they did want to keep the clips so off I went on a frantic search for the four clips they said she had on.

All in all there was a lot of laughing, especially this last day. Everyone was very patient and sweet to Abby and to us. Watching the actors flub their lines was pretty great - though of course we won't see that. The actors/workers were all tickled at all the stories we told them about how Abby loves it. Now it's just sort of a pain to wait to see it! I want to see it now now! I may very well have another baby born by the time this show airs. How wacky is that?

Abby Highlights I hope to see in the show:
Abby shouting the show title on the first day thanks to Marcus and his 'knock knock' joke method of getting her to talk
Abby putting her hand on the host's shoulder spontaneously and saying "We can go down the slide together" (he had been trying to get her to say she wanted to go on the slide by saying he did and she compromised)
Abby's sentimental thank you (probably won't be in there because it was too dark)
Abby already jumping on the bridge when Steve H was trying to ease her into the idea
Abby painting the playhouse with Daddy

Things for you all to be aware of:
Abby's hair is a mess everyday in every shot. Not only was it hot and she had been running around constantly each day, but they didn't ever want me to annoy her and possible mess up a good social moment.
I'm hardly in it at all and when I am I certainly sound like an idiot. I could not, for the life of me, speak flowingly.
Steve is going to be hilarious and if he isn't it's because they cut him out!

Leaping Lizard!!! It's a.....

BOY!!!!


(revised to add story)

SO. It all started because Shannon mentioned she'd found out Julia's gender at 16 weeks. I was about to be 17 weeks along and my impatient little mind got to working. I would be seeing both families in their entirety for my birthday and it would be the perfect time to announce. So I found a place in town that had an appointment early on 7-7-7 and off we went.

It was funny actually because on one hand the technician seemed to be delaying the gender check (I think part of this was because she assumed it was our first baby and that we would be wowed by arms and legs etc. Pshaw - we've seen all that - we're looking for what color clothes to buy lady!!) but on the other hand, even while I was trying to be patient and appreciate the moment the tech said, "Whoop, and I think I just saw what you're looking for" which was the first clue. But even so I didn't want to be all excited that it was a boy if actually it was a girl and I just didn't understand what she was saying.

SO baby boy was not shy in the least and apparently there's no room for mistakes.

I do feel exactly like this is starting over but at the same time some of the important things I wish I'd known for Abby will apply to this baby. I'll know (though I'm sure I'll still comment on) just how shocking it is to be tied to a little wriggly soul again. I'll know (not sure if I'll struggle with this one this time) that Steve can take care of any situation with baby even if I am the food source. And I'll know that each day I struggle with something (a phase, an objective, a sickness) is a day less I'll have to deal with it before we move on to something else.

Abby's Booty

As mentioned previously - Abby has a soft spot for hoarding 'special things'. Tonight she stuffed Minnie and Mickey in a purse, carried a shoe lace, a book about Peter Cottontail, and her baby (which she chastised for going somewhere without an adult before she found her on the piano), and her headband to Zoozy and Grandpa's and then asked me to take a picture of her with her baby.

Hence the picture.

This Day?!

So Abby's concept of time is fascinating to me. Nevermind how she tends to run yesterday in with last year or this morning... the thing that is so sadly funny to me is when I tell her something we're going to do (particularly something fun) she always follows it up, "This day? This day I get to go to go to Claire's Grandma's house?"

I imagine tomorrow is the only future she comprehends - forget next week or 'in the fall.'

Leaping Lizard Strikes Again

We had our four month check up yesterday and once again the nurse was taking a ridiculous amount of time with the Doppler (checking the heartbeat). I thought I'd heard it a couple times but expected her to send someone else in to check like they did last time they couldn't find it.

HOWEVER she finally made a frustrated sort of sound and wrote something down in the chart and left. Steve told me (his view was better) that she found it fine, she was trying to get a long enough listen to get the heart rate but the baby must have been moving around too much. She even tried at one point to press her hand down where the top of the placenta should be to try to keep baby from skipping around - but cunning child got the better of her anyway.

How silly is that?

30 Minutes I can't get back...

I have been a complete failure scheduling this week. After checking and re-checking and triple-checking Abby's Summer School information I not only thought it started on the wrong day (it started today not yesterday) but I thought it started at 9:30 instead of 9.

I'm sort of depressed now, ridiculous as that may be. We were ready to go at 9 but I delayed and delayed and delayed and I'm just... ugh.