2006 - The year I lost my pants...

Yes, I know that title is inappropriate - but it's True! 2006 began with the family cruise to Mexico for which I had meticulously packed and my suitcase was left in the garage of our home. I blame Steve for this which he enthusiastically denies. But what happened was that he was very pissy about either wanting to leave or not wanting to leave - or a misunderstanding about whether his parents were meeting us at our house or we were meeting them at their's. And so he was kicking bags and basically I was very close to being very pissed off at him for this attitude so I tried to be helpful rather than resentful and moved ALL the bags out into the garage as he was picking them up. I accept that I should have done a doubletake, just to be sure - but I believe that he was so upset I basically just went with the flow rather than be my stressy normal self. At the end of the day, it was bad luck and both of our faults... and that basically ended up being 2006 in a nutshell.

We had some bad luck with the house and made some bad decisions in response. The frustrating old windows for example - we still don't have air/heat and so, one very very hot night we needed Abby's window open and it was stuck (bad luck). I didn't want to deal with it because there was a web/spider/gook/dark night and I'd just watched some horror film- so I went cowardly (bad decision - my fault). I ask Steve to come do it for me - he swears at the window, gives it a good bang right in the wrong place and puts his fist through the glass pane (bad decision- his fault).

To expand on the illustration - after realizing my clothes were really not on the ship, I pretended to have a good attitude but basically was inconsolable for most of the trip... on edge, frustrated, bitter, riding on a pity party. Steve did quite a bit behind the scenes to try to make things better for me, but told me right away something to the effect that if I let it ruin the cruise he was ashamed of me. Fair enough - particularly in light of the fact that he was seeing me be inconsolable... but didn't exactly bring us closer.

Similarly, we both know we can't let stress ruin a year, our family, or Abby's emotional well being so we've been alternating between the two of us who is giving themselves pity parties and who is slapping them in the face and saying, "Snap out of it." And yet I don't think either of us made the other feel enough that we appreciated and supported each other.

There were good times on the Cruise. There were good times in 2006.

But this time next year, I want to look back on what I wrote in review and not feel like all I've done is whine. I think that is the crux of the matter. I look back on 2006 and I am not happy with how selfish my outlook was - or how long it took me to force myself into a good attitude. I'm also frustrated with how often Steve and I weren't on the same page. It wasn't like we fought that much - we just weren't on the same side. I blamed him for things that I should have been his support for instead.

Onward and Upward, though... it's a good time to start over. Better.

P.S. it's not bad taste for Dave to make a joke in the comments - I set him up for it with my title and would be pretty disappointed if he didn't say something brilliantly funny... no pressure though. Besides, this is all going to read a lot more serious than I feel it is.

Sleep patterns

I was just tonight feeling convicted that I needed to go to bed earlier because in the morning I am a total zombie until 9 - which sucks for Abby who wakes up at 7.

But I am realizing that Abby's skin problems are waking her up every morning at the same time - 5:27 or so. And every morning she comes to my room and asks me to stay with her for one more minute. As it usually is literally about thirty seconds before she's asleep again - I have said ok and counted to ten and walked out of the room back into bed.

Every once in a while the itching is so bad that she can't get back to sleep and I'm stuck in her room... like I am now for example. And I'm fully awake and in a basically good mood and not at all a zombie.

So, I'm sitting here wondering if my sleep pattern - specifically the lighter part of my sleep pattern - specifically the best time for me to wake up is 5:27. However, when I stumble in here, it's not like my mind is totally clear and ready for the day. But I definitely become awake easier.

So, on the one hand, my guilt is assuaged about staying up late because the culprit may just be that sevenish is deep sleep for me. And on the other hand, if I'm going to embrace this theory I'll need to go to bed quite a bit earlier because I can't last the day with five hours sleep particularly when the five hours is post-midnight.

Cute Abby quotes in regards to her sensitive skin (she has had a long term mild to moderate rash. We went to the doctor who said that her skin is very sensitive and all we can do is slater Cetaphil Lotion on her and give her Benedryl every night before she goes to sleep):
quote 1: (spoken to the doctor re: looking at her rash) I think you have to read me.
quote 2 (while touching her rash all over her belly): Look, look, I'm all skin-y
quote 3:(waking up itching): My skin is back, my skin is back.

Record of if treatment is making any difference: Started Tuesday night. I know she woke up at least two of the last three nights. I'll start keeping track.

Not so Bad...

As usual, I was expecting the wrong thing to be difficult. Oh well.

We have had a very very nice Christmas. It wasn't as fun as we could have made it in our little three person family, but everything went well and we'll put more heart into it next year.

Abby, unaffected, loved her gooey gooey (floam) and her ironing board set best.

1:17am Christmas 2006

I'm just not sure why everything is so draining at Christmas. Well, so far, so good. One more day of this stuff. I've had a genuinely good time at all gatherings, have gotten some good pictures... my mom made me burnt fudge... there really isn't much that could make me more content.


Everyone says they can't believe how fast a year goes by, and so do I... every single year... but really... seriously... 2006 ... seriously... done?


I do feel like I get better at getting through the year every year. That's something.

On a Serious Note...

This whole honestly being worried about how we are going to pay the bills next year really sucks. Even though Steve is not the sort of guy to verbalize his feelings, I feel like we end up talking about pretty much everything... pretty easily.

But this whole scarey next year thing... i.e. what is he going to do to make enough money to keep us from paying our property tax with a credit card... it's something we can't talk about.

Well, that's not entirely true. We talk about it when we are both in positive states of mind - we talk about proactive ideas on how to stretch this money here and how we'll cut out such and such.

But if either one is in an unpleasant state about it. Worry, stress, sadness, fear... I can't really share that him because it snowballs any dormant feelings of the same in himself.

Seeing as I am not pregnant, I have just tonight realized that my extra emotions this year may not have to do with brownies as much as this hanging over our heads. I mean, I am sure they are kind of connected. After all, I was probably having extra brownie cravings because of the stress and since I am trying to control the emotion gobbling eating thing, I've been down a lot more than perhaps I normally would be.

I don't want Steve to do anything but what he's trying to do. So that leaves us... exactly here.

And here is fantastic if it weren't for that pesky shadow hanging over everything all the time.

Aunts, Uncles and Cousins, Oh My!

It's so odd that Abby is currently growing up surrounded by a ton of family. Both my parents were raised that way but we rarely saw our extended family... and it's not like I really had a problem with that. That's not a shot at my extended family - it's just... how it is.

So I wonder how it will be for Abby to know... really know her Aunts and Uncles and Cousins... assuming we all stay as close as we are now in both space and sentiment.

Now Don't Take This Wrong...

But I'm dreading Christmas.

There was a little anxiety on my part when it looked like my side of the family wasn't going to get together, but it got worked out. We had my family Christmas and it was great and everyone had a great time. And now... I don't want to do the rest.

I am going to concentrate on making it really special because for once we don't have anything that I am specifically looking forward to. So - it is actually the perfect opportunity to have a really really nice time.

How old is she?

Woke up at 2AM.
@ Disneyland 11AM
Still dancing at 10PM

Daddy! It's Santa Claus...

Foiled again...

I would have succeeded if it hadn't been for those pesky Candy Cane Ave Kids!!!

Comment Problem...

This could be the ultimate opportunity I've been waiting for. Dave can't comment but no one knows that... so I could just talk and talk and talk about how he desperately wants a life in the Churro industry and it's just that no one will give him the break he deserves.

And how he and Shannon have started Wesley in commercials for Baby Stink Breath but they are planning to sqaunder his funds on risky real estate ventures.

OO! And how he loves corn nuts. EVERYONE needs to get Dave some corn nuts. He loves them...

Fatherhood...

Oh boy. Steve just had his first hint of what it will be like when the boys start getting interested in Abby.

We were at the pre-school Christmas party and Henry was playing with Abby and then, Abby was playing with Steve. Well, Henry got jealous and tried to coax, cajole and finally order Abby to come back to playing with him. Abby didn't take to the show of caveman tactics and stayed with Daddy.

Henry is very very sweet and I am sure their little friendship remained unscathed, but it was pretty interesting. The competition is already starting. Father pitted against Suitor... Somehow we didn't think it would start quite this early.

Sort of a pain to get help around here...

I'm just trying to figure out if anything can reset things and re-allow comments

....

I'm not happy with how this blogger is positioning multiple photos. UGH. How can I say witty things next to the photos if they are positioned like this?

No viewfinder? No problem!

Today was a great day for photos... these are just the black and whites....

Perhaps I should take more baths...

Okay, everytime I go to a chiropractor or a massage therapist they ask me if I am a swimmer or a weight-lifter because apparently I have a freakish amount of muscle or tension in my upper back.

Odd.

I'm thinking maybe I need to chill out.

Plateau

I am so proud of Abby today. She had TWO Picture People sessions - one in the morning with Wesley and one in the evening with family and she did great.

I wonder if I will ever lose the panic attack feeling that wells up inside at the thought of getting her picture taken now that it's not as traumatic...